Well, here we are. Episode 10. The end of the line. As always, this recap will have spoilers for this episode. If you have not yet watched episode 10, The Children, I recommend watching it first and coming back. I’m terrible with names, so please forgive my use of nicknames. Also, I haven’t read the books, so if you have, I ask that you please keep future spoilers regarding the show to yourself. Thanks!

At the end of the episode 9, I wondered if that would be the last we see of Jon Snow until season 5. But episode 10 picks up with Jon Snow immediately. Jon marches straight to the Wildling camp. He’s not there to fight; he’s there to talk to the Head Wildling in Charge. Unlike Red Beard, the HWiC doesn’t care about fighting the crows. He just wants to get his people on the other side of the wall, because winter is coming and it’s coming fast. I’m starting to realize that winter = horde of undead ice zombies. He promises that his men won’t cause any trouble if they’re allowed through the other side of the wall. This kind of throws Jon, who is there to assassinate him.

Jon and HWiC drink to each side’s dead. Jon doesn’t trust the drink at first, but HWiC points out that if he wanted Jon dead, he’d be dead already without having to resort to poison. Just as it seems that Jon and HWiC will either come to a truce or Jon will attempt to kill him, a huge phalanx rolls into camp on horseback.

The army cuts through any and all Wildling resistance. HWiC has his men stand down; they’ve lost enough recently. I won’t lie; I had no idea whose army this was. The reveal comes, and it’s…Stannis. Jon does a good job of (literally) keeping his head while talking to Stannis, pointing out that his father died trying to get Stannis properly put on the throne. Stannis wants HWiC to kneel before him and swear fealty. HWiC is fine with siding with Stannis, but is quick to point out that he and his people don’t kneel.

In King’s Landing, Cersei, the grand maester, and junior maester are standing over the Mountain. Amazingly, the Mountain didn’t die in his battle against Inigo Montoya, but he’s close to it. The grand maester doesn’t approve of junior maester’s tactics in trying to revive the Mountain. Junior maester is basically Miracle Max from The Princess Bride. Man, GRRM really loves himself some Princess Bride. I’m adding “Watch The Princess Bride with George R. R. Martin” to my bucket list.

Cersei meets with Tywin. She gives him an ultimatum. Cancel her wedding to Princess Low Cut’s brother or she reveals the truth about her own children’s parentage. Tywin does not want to hear this, but what dad does want to hear about his children also being lovers? Happy Father’s Day, Tywin.

Cersei then goes to Jaime, who is still pissed at her about Tyrion’s upcoming death sentence. Cersei doesn’t even consider Tyrion human, referring to him as the monster who killed their mother, and compares him to a disease that a needs to be eradicated from the body. Jaime isn’t liking this. Cersei then tells Jaime about the ultimatum that she gave Tywin. Jaime is shocked, but suddenly is also in a much better mood.

Dany is in her throne room, listening to more subjects. One man wants to be a slave again. Dany’s not a fan of the idea, but compromises and says he can return to his master’s employ as long as his master gives him a fair contract. Another subject enters the throne room. The dragons are behaving badly again, but this time it wasn’t goats that were burnt to a crisp, it was this guy’s daughter. Dany’s not happy. She chains up two of the dragons in the catacombs. I expect the third to meet the same fate when it returns.

At the wall, the old, Tagaryen maester is presiding over a funeral for the fallen men. They’re being burnt. I believe this prevents them from returning as zombies. Jon is there. He sees the Red Witch through the flames of the funeral pyre and they hold each other’s gaze. I wonder why this scene with the two of them was put in here. Will she factor into Jon’s story next season? Could she be Jon’s as yet unidentified mother?

Jon meets with Red Beard, who tells Jon that Red loved him. Jon doesn’t believe it, but Red Beard says that all Red ever talked about was killing Jon. That’s how he knew she loved Jon. Red Beard asks Jon to take Red’s body north of the wall and burn her, which Jon does. Jon has a solitary funeral for Red and burns her body. Man, I wish she lived, but happy endings in Game of Thrones are even less common than happy endings in The Walking Dead.

Also north of the Wall, Hodor and the kids have found the God’s Wood from Brann’s vision. As they make their way to the tree, zombie hands pop out of the ground. One grabs the kid from Love, Actually. More pop out of the ground and attack. Brann possesses Hodor in order to fight back. All of a sudden, zombies start bursting into flames. The kids and Hodor are saved by a girl I’m calling Lil’ Terminator. She tells them, “Come with me or die.” Love, Actually doesn’t make it, but everyone else escapes. They burn his body. Lil’ Terminator brings them to the last Knight Templar from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, who lives inside the tree. They chose…wisely.

Brienne and Pod encounter Arya and the Hound. Brienne compliments Arya’s choice of Needle as the name for her sword. Brienne pleads with Arya to come with her. Arya isn’t interested. The Hound says Arya’s fine with him. Arya seems to agree. Brienne and the Hound fight. Oh man, this isn’t going to end in a tie, is it? That’s too bad, because I really like both these characters. The fight is vicious! Brienne totally Mike Tyson’s the Hound! She even spits his ear out like Tyson. Brienne wins the fight, leaving the Hound for dead, but she can’t find Arya. Once Brienne leaves, Arya comes out of hiding. The Hound asks Arya to kill him. He’s mortally wounded and would prefer to die quickly. He points out that he is on Arya’s list of people to kill. Arya takes his coin purse and leaves him to die on his own. Coldddddddddd bloodedddddddddddd!

In King’s Landing, Jaime breaks Tyrion free! Yes! Am I getting my Tyrion and Jaime road-buddy spin off? No, it turns out, I’m not. Jaime is staying. Tyrion is about to escape the castle, but decides to double back and check in on his dad’s room to wish him a Happy Father’s Day…and finds Shae lying in Tywin’s bed. She even calls out to Tywin, asking if that’s him coming back to bed, and uses her nickname for Tyrion, “My Lion,” to refer to Tywin. What. The. Fuck? I remember saying when last season was coming to an end, “If they kill Shae, I’ll riot.” But now, fuck Shae. She sucks. Tyrion must feel the same way, as he strangles her to death in the bed. Fucking Shae, the courthouse testimony was one thing, but this? This is fucked up.

Tyrion grabs a crossbow and looks for dear old dad. He finds Tywin not on the Iron Throne, but on the porcelain throne. Not Tywin’s best moment, for sure. First he has to deal with constipation, and now he’s got a crossbow pointed at him. Tyrion wants to know why Tywin slept with Shae, and Tywin isn’t even apologetic, basically using “She’s a whore” as his defense. Tywin wants to get up and talk about this calmly with Tyrion. But Tyrion’s done talking. He puts two crossbow bolts in Tywin, leaving his dad’s dead body on the shitter.  Happy Father’s Day, Tywin.

Tyrion meets up with Varys. Tyrion goes in box. Box goes on boat. Varys hears the city alarm and Varys also goes on boat.   Boat sets sail. Momma Varys didn’t raise no fool.

Arya rides alone. She tries to get passage on a ship, but is denied. When the captain mentions Braavos, she produces her coin of the faceless man and tells the captain, “Vallar morghulis.” The captain is clearly surprised, and gives her a room on the ship. Is this ship heading to Braavos or the North?

And that’s it. Season four is over.  I hope you’ve enjoyed reading these recaps as much as I’ve enjoyed writing them, as they have been very fun to write. I’ll be back with more Game of Thrones recaps once Season 5 starts. Like many of you, I’m already going through Game of Thrones withdrawal and not looking forward to having to wait nearly a year again for more new episodes. Until next time, vallar morghulis, everyone.