Game of Thrones – S7E3 – The Queen’s Justice

Immediately when I’m loading up this episode, I’m thinking about the title. The Queen’s Justice. Which queen is it referring to? Cersei? Dany? Sansa? All of them?

Davos and Jon Snow come ashore at Dragonstone to start the episode. Tyrion and Missendei meet them. As Jon and Davos are being escorted up to Dany, Dragon does flyby. Jon and Davos are understandably shaken.

queens justice jon comes ashore

Smoky Vajayjay is watching Jon from a distance as he climbs the steps of Dragonstone. She’s bouncing. That makes sense, considering that both Davos and Jon said they’d kill her if they saw her again. It’s interesting seeing Vajayjay admit she made terrible mistakes. Then she gets all ominous and says to Varys, “I have to die in this strange country. Just like you.” Sidebar for a second: Is it me or did Varys get tan, a little too tan, between seasons? He looks much darker than he did at the end of last season. Dragonstone looks like it’s Wales. How is anyone getting a tan there?

Finally, Dany and Jon meet. This is the moment we’ve been waiting for since the posters went up around town with both of them on it. It’s tense. Dany’s getting a lot of pent up anger off her chest. She’s got a chip on her shoulder for the Starks. Dany wants Jon to bend the knee and pledge his men in her fight against Cersei. Jon’s like, “Ummm, we’ve got bigger problems. Bee tee dubs, can I borrow a dragon?”

queens justice jon and tyrion

Varys interrupts and fills in Dany on what happened at the end of last episode with the Greyjoys. Ruh-roh.

Speaking of which, let’s cut to wreckage that was Asha’s fleet. Hey, Theon lives! He’s hauled up onto a boat. He tells the Iron Islanders on the boat that Euron took Asha and he tried to save her. It’s immediately pointed out that if Theon really tried to save her, he wouldn’t be alive right now. Oooh, sick burn.

Down in King’s Landing, Uncle Euron parades the Sand Snakes, Asha, and Slutty Princess Leia through the streets. All the city comes out for the parade. Euron is eating it up. Asha and company are spat upon and have rotting food thrown their way. They’re all brought before Cersei in her throne room. You can almost see the exact moment when Jaime realizes he’s now #2 in Cersei’s eyes. I look forward to Jaime killing Euron. Man, the Mountain looks like the Destroyer from Thor.

Euron wants Cersei’s hand in marriage as his prize. Cersei says she’ll marry Euron after the war is won. That’s good enough for Euron, who sidles up next to Jaime and asks,  “Does she like it gentle or rough? A finger in the bum?” Oh man, Euron! That’s effed up. I kind of wish this episode was titled, A Finger in the Bum?

Ellaria Sand is locked up in a dungeon across from her daughter, I forget which one. I think it’s Dagger. It’s impossible for me to remember the Sand Snakes names. It’s the cuter of the three if that helps. Cersei tells Ellaria, “You can’t imagine how that feels unless you’ve lost your own child.” Uh-oh. Cersei plants a kiss on Ellaria’s daughter, poisoning her the same way Ellaria poisoned Myrcella. Cersei tells Ellaria she’s going to watch her daughter die, then watch her daughter rot. That’s effed up. I’m stating to think Cersei and Euron are really made for each other. That’s cool with me. It frees Jaime up to bro it up around Westeros with Bronn. Remember kids, you can’t spell Bronn without bro!

I’m not saying Cersei blows Jaime in this next scene because Cersei wants Jaime to do something. But I’m not not saying that either. Cersei lets a page in without hiding Jaime post-coitus. Damn, Cersei is brazen. She doesn’t care who sees them as sibling-fuckers. She’s got the Iron Throne now.

Cersei meets some dude from the Iron Bank. He has all the charm of Emperor Palpatine. He’s there to let her know that Iron Bank isn’t going to be lending them any more money and that Dany looks like the better horse to bet on in this race. Like any deadbeat, Cersei tells the banker to give her two more weeks. I’m sure he’s heard that before.

Remember when Sansa was the worst? Not anymore. She’s bossing like a boss in Winterfell. She immediately recognizes that Winterfell doesn’t have enough food to last more than a year, and since winters in Westoros can go on much longer than that, and they made me under siege by the army of the dead at some point in the near future, she’s coming up with solutions. She needs more food brought to Winterfell now.  While Sansa is dealing with this, Bran shows up at the gate! Stark reunion! I was hoping for Arya, but still, this is great. Sansa tells Bran he’s Lord of Winterfell now. Bran says he can’t be the Lord of Winterfell, he’s the Three Eeyed Raven. Ugh, right, that’s why I hate Bran storylines.

Friend Zone is being inspected. He looks a bit better. He’s no longer infectious. Sam takes a two handed handshake from Jorah. Ballsy, Sam. This dude was a stone leper yesterday.

Sam gets balled out by the Maester he reports to. Yes, Sam saved Jorah, but he could have caused a mass infection of their whole area. But the Maester likes Sam’s moxie. He’s impressed that Sam was able to do what he did. Sam downplays it, basically saying he just took his time. Classic Sam: do the unthinkable and play it down. Sam’s reward is being turned into a human copying machine. The maester explains that while he might be impressed by Sam’s work, Sam still broke the rules.

Dany wants to send the dragons after Euron. Missandei isn’t so sure. She asks, “What will they face?” Varys says it’s “A difficult situation.” Then Dave Matthews chimed in with: “A difficult time..two many choices.” Just kidding. No Dave Matthews appearance today. Ed Sheeran: 1, Dave Matthews: 0.

Tyrion narrates over the Unsullied’s battle at Casterly Rock. This is shot really cool, first with Tyrion saying how it would be expected to go down, with Casterly Rock being impregnable, even to the Unsullied. It ends bad. But then Tyrion reveals that his father put him in charge of designing the sewer system in Casterly Rock, a task Tyrion used to make sure there were ways he could sneak whores in and out of the city. The Unsullied use Tyrion’s whore-holes around the city and catch the guards unaware. They take Casterly Rock easily! Maybe too easily.  Greyworm is wondering where the other Lannister soldiers are. Uh oh. Eurons’s ships arrive at Casterly Rock and immediately work on sinking the Unsullied’s rides.

Where are the rest of the Lannisters? They’re marching on Highgarden. Sneaky play, Jaime. Oh hey, it’s Bronn! I hope he lives. Let’s make a deal, Game of Thrones. No killing Bronn. Grandma looks out from her tower over the invading Lannister army. Wow, that’s a high tower she’s watching from. Jaime takes Grandma’s castle so quickly, it happened between scene cuts. Jaime offers Grandma mercy, pouring her a poisoned glass of wine. She won’t suffer. Grandma brings up Joffrey,  “He really was a cunt, wasn’t he?” Grandma admits to poisoning Joffrey after she drinks Jaime’s poison. And then tells him, “Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me.” I thought Jaime was going to decapitate her right there. Nope, he just storms out. Seriously, what’s the point of showing Grandma mercy now, after she admitted to poisoning your son? Jaime should have sent her on a “Bran’s leap” out the tower window.

queens justice olenna

Welp, there’s no confusing which queen title was referring to, is there?