Game of Thrones – S4E10 – The Children – Recap...

Well, here we are. Episode 10. The end of the line. As always, this recap will have spoilers for this episode. If you have not yet watched episode 10, The Children, I recommend watching it first and coming back. I’m terrible with names, so please forgive my use of nicknames. Also, I haven’t read the books, so if you have, I ask that you please keep future spoilers regarding the show to yourself. Thanks! At the end of the episode 9, I wondered if that would be the last we see of Jon Snow until season 5. But episode 10 picks up with Jon Snow immediately. Jon marches straight to the Wildling camp. He’s not there to fight; he’s there to talk to the Head Wildling in Charge. Unlike Red Beard, the HWiC doesn’t care about fighting the crows. He just wants to get his people on the other side of the wall, because winter is coming and it’s coming fast. I’m starting to realize that winter = horde of undead ice zombies. He promises that his men won’t cause any trouble if they’re allowed through the other side of the wall. This kind of throws Jon, who is there to assassinate him. Jon and HWiC drink to each side’s dead. Jon doesn’t trust the drink at first, but HWiC points out that if he wanted Jon dead, he’d be dead already without having to resort to poison. Just as it seems that Jon and HWiC will either come to a truce or Jon will attempt to kill him, a huge phalanx rolls into camp on horseback. The army cuts through any and all Wildling resistance. HWiC has his men stand down; they’ve lost enough recently. I won’t lie; I had no idea whose...

Game of Thrones – S4E9 – The Watchers on the Wall...

Hi there, and welcome to another Game of Thrones recap. This recap has many spoilers for season 4, episode 9, The Watchers on the Wall. If you haven’t seen the episode yet, come back after you have. I’d hate to be the one to spoil things for you. A small caveat to new readers: forgive my use of nicknames. I use them to keep track of characters whose names I don’t remember. I have not read the books. If you have read the books, I ask that you not spoil future events on the show for those of us who haven’t. Okay, on with the recap! It’s all Wall this episode. Wall to wall Wall, perhaps? Last week, I wondered when we’d get to see the Wildlings attacking the Wall. I figured it would have to happen during the two last episodes or the onset of it would happen at the very last scene of the season. I didn’t think they they’d devote a whole episode to the Wildling attack. I’m not complaining. Yes, this episode was basically one giant fight scene, but it was one giant, AWESOME fight scene. The fight doesn’t start immediately. At the start of the episode, Jon and Sam are atop the Wall on watch. Sam is pestering Jon to find out what sex is like. He figures since they’re all going to die in this Wildling attack, he’ll never find out for himself. Jon tries to play it off, but man, Sam will really not let this go. Jon tells Sam to get some sleep. At the Wildling camp, Jon’s ex girl, Red,  is ready to kill. Big Bald Scarface calls her out, saying that she’s still soft for Jon Snow. But Red says that not only will...

Game of Thrones – S4E8 – The Mountain and the Viper – Recap...

This recap contains spoilers about Game of Thrones season 4 through episode 8, so if you’re not caught up, come back when you are. Comments are always welcome, however, I have not read the books, so if you have, please keep your knowledge of future events on the show to yourself. Thanks!  The episode starts at the best little whorehouse north of the wall, the one where Sam left Gilly. Things aren’t going well for Gilly. She’s trying to keep her head down, but one of the tougher looking whores (and local burp contest champion)  gets in her face about her baby crying. Gilly’s saved from having to brawl with the Burp Queen by the arrival of the giant Wildling army. Okay, maybe saved isn’t the right word. The Wildlings literally cut through the entire town and whore house, killing everyone in sight. The ceilings are dripping blood from the floors above. Amazingly, this would not be the grossest visual in this episode. Lucky for Gilly and her son, it’s Jon Snow’s ex who finds her hiding in a closet. Seeing the baby, she lets Gilly and her baby live. Man, you take the girl out of Dowling Gardens, but you can’t take the Dowling Gardens out of the girl… At Castle Black, Sam is seriously distraught. He believes Gilly dead after the attack, and is inconsolable.  One of his brother crows points out that Gilly has survived everything from Craster to a White Walker, so maybe she’s alive. This is enough to get Sam out of his funk.  I wonder how much longer this Wildling army bit will be drawn out. Will will see their attack on Castle Black some time in the next two episodes? Or will the oncoming horde be the...

Game of Thrones – S4E7 – Mockingbird – Recap...

The episode begins with Tyrion being visited by his brother and best friend Jaime. Jaime gives Tyrion the “I’m sorry, but your princess champion is in another castle” runaround, saying that he couldn’t beat any man left handed. Tyrion tries to sway Jaime with the prospect of seeing their father’s face when Jaime loses and his bloodline dies out in one fight. Jaime’s tempted, but not that tempted. Cersei has enlisted The Hulk The Mountain to be her champion against Tyrion’s champion. You might remember The Mountain from such things as being The Hound’s brother, and that vicious joust from a few seasons ago when so many more characters were still alive. Yeah, I wouldn’t bet on Jaime beating this guy left handed either. Remember in Anchorman 2, how Ron’s son emulated his dad and started acting like him? That’s kind of what’s going on with Arya and The Hound right now. After The Hound stabs a brigand through the heart and wipes his blade clean on the freshly dead body, Arya does the same thing with Brigand #2. Arya’s new nickname: Lil’ Hound. Up at Castle Black, Jon Snow recommends blocking the tunnel that leads north of the wall. Jon’s asshole boss mocks both Jon and the idea in front of everyone. I’m no writing coach, but I have a feeling this is going to come back to bite the men of the Night’s Watch in the ass big time. You don’t write this scene in and then have the tunnel’s gates stand, right? Tyrion checks behind door #2 for a champion and comes up empty. Best Line Bronn has been bought off by Cersei and won’t be going for the back to back title as Tyrion’s champion. Tyrion always offered Bronn double...

Game of Thrones – S4E6 – The Laws of Gods and Men – Recap...

Welcome to another recap of Game of Thrones. There are SPOILERS below for the episode, so if you haven’t seen it yet, read no further. I have not read the books, so please keep your comments to things that have happened in the show only! No spoilers for future events, please! The episode opens with Stannis and his men sailing under a giant statue of a soldier in a kilt. What do they see when they look up? Whatever it was, it certainly seems to have put Stannis in a mood while he waits to see if his home loan was approved. Stannis has about as much luck at The Iron Bank as Magic Mike did. Too bad for Magic Mike, he didn’t have Davos, aka Captain Five Fingers, on his side. Captain Five Fingers certainly is loyal for a guy who used to be Captain Ten Fingers until Stannis came along. Having a guy whose fingers you cut off on your side apparently goes far with the Iron Bank. In the baths, Davos’s pal, the pirate (who I want to call Pirate Steve for some reason that I can’t explain), is telling some naked girls a joke that I’m pretty sure George RR Martin (or this episode’s writer) stole from a joke book I read in the third grade. I’ve definitely heard that joke before, just like the girls who he’s telling it to have. Ever wonder how Westorosians carry around all that pocket change they call money? It turns out it’s in those coin counters the dude at the arcade used to have. After Davos mentions the pirate’s wife in front of the naked girls, the pirate pal has the best line in the episode so far with “You’re not my friend,...

Game of Thrones – S4E5 – First of His Name – Recap...

The episode opens with Princess Low Cut giving Tomlin eyes in the throne room. She’s totally tit-blocked by Cersei. The two of them talk about Joffrey. It’s interesting how honest Cersei is about Joffrey here. I don’t remember her ever voicing that Joffrey was a monster before this. Cersei praises Tomlin and offers the prospect of marriage to Tomlin to Princess Low Cut, who does a great job of sounding interested but not too interested. Princess Low Cut already sounds like part of the family when she says to Cersei, “I hardly know what to call you, sister or mother.” Oh, those Lannisters… Dany finds out about Joffrey’s death. Beardy has acquired about 70 ships for her. Smooth. Friend Zone rains on the “Let’s sack King’s Landing” parade by bringing up that the cities they’ve liberated in Slaver’s Bay have fallen out of their hands. “I will do what queens do. I will rule.” That’s two for two with scenes ending on awesome lines. Sansa and Littlefinger are walking the narrow path that leads to Aunt Crazy’s house.  When they reach the front door, the look on Sansa’s face says, “I’ve made a huge mistake.” Amazingly, Aunt Crazy is not breastfeeding when they walk in. Cousin Crazy is only snuggling against her. Awww…gross. Cousin Crazy walks with a weird limp. Don’t breastfeed your kid until he’s 10, ladies. Pro tip: don’t give Cousin Crazy nice gifts. He’ll just throw it out his “moon door.” It’s not as gross as it sounds, but still, that kid isn’t getting anything more than a paper airplane from me. Aunt Crazy wants Littlefinger’s littlefinger in a bad way. When Littlefinger suggests they take it slow, Aunt Crazy goes into crazy detail about how Littlefinger talked her into killing...

Game of Thrones – S4E4 – Oathkeeper – Recap...

Hi everyone and welcome back to Tuesday Night Movies’s recaps of Game of Thrones. Sorry for the delay between entries. I was vacationing in Portugal and Spain, and am now playing a bit of catch up. In this recap, you can expect to find SPOILERS for this episode and previous episodes, but no SPOILERS of future events. I haven’t read the books. If you have read the books, I simply ask that you please keep any spoilers of future events in the show to yourself. Thanks! SPOILERS for Oathkeeper follow after this photo of Littlefinger sitting atop the Iron Throne. The episode begins with the captain of the Unsullied (Grey One? Grey Worm?) being tutored in Westerosi as a Second Language from Dany’s Executive Assistant/Head Fly Girl. I get the feeling that despite him being a eunuch, he’s hot for teacher. After his tutoring session ends, he leads a team of Unsullied into a union meeting held by the local slave chapter. Things aren’t going well for the “Let’s revolt” side until Dany’s men drop bags and bags of swords at the slaves’ feet. It’s amazing how bags of swords can sway a vote. After the successful slave revolt, Dany decides to match the number of children the slave masters nailed to mile posts with the slave masters themselves. Why did the slave masters nail those children to the posts in the first place? Was it to show Dany how little they considered the slaves? To show her their strength as masters? As a warning as to what they’d do to her? Wow, Dany standing atop the temple surveying her new city looks like History Channel level CGI. What’s up with that, HBO? Jaime, aka Westeros’s first Cyborg, is training with Best Line Bronn....

Game of Thrones – S4E3 – Breaker of Chains – Recap...

Welcome to another SPOILER FILLED recap of Game of Thrones! As I’ve mentioned in past weeks, I have a hard time keeping track of everyone’s name on the show, and I don’t want to Google people’s names and risk seeing spoilers, so bear with me and my use of nicknames. I haven’t read the books, so I’ll only be talking about what’s on the show. If you have read the books, please be cool and don’t spoil future events in the show. There are plenty of SPOILERS in this recap of episode 3 of season 4 of Game of Thrones. If you’d like to go in fresh, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND not reading past the photo below of Iron Man lounging on the Iron Throne. During the opening credits, I noticed that George RR Martin did not write this episode. Hear that, main characters? You’re safe this week!* Remember when Jaime returned to King’s Landing last season, and that moment when his and Cersei’s eyes met? If you’re like me, you thought, “Awwwwwwwww, wait, wait, gross. Gross!” That happened again to me this episode, when Jaime entered the Sept and saw Cercei standing quietly over the body of their dead son. “Man, can’t these two ever catch a break? Wait, wait, they’re still brother and sister! Gross!” It gets worse, as Jaime proceeds to rape his sister/lover next to the body of his son/nephew. I swear, if these Lannisters weren’t filthy rich and good looking, they’d be the swamp people of Westeros.   Oh, before Jaime raped her, Cersei tried to get him to promise to kill Tyrion, their little-person brother, whom Cersei thinks killed their son. Swamp people, I tell ya. Speaking of Tyrion, he’s locked in a dungeon. His squire, Pod, comes to visit him. The guards catch Pod’s...

Game of Thrones – S4E2 – The Lion and the Rose – Recap...

Wow. Seriously, Wow. Well, I definitely did not see that one coming. But I’m getting ahead of myself. As I mentioned last week, I have a hard time keeping track of everyone’s name on the show, and I don’t want to Google people’s names and risk seeing spoilers, so bear with me and my use of nicknames. I haven’t read the books, so I’ll only be talking about what’s on the show. If you have read the books, please be cool and don’t spoil future events in the show. Spoilers after this cool picture of Walter White sitting on the iron throne. The episode starts out in the woods of Bolton country. Matchbox 20’s Robb Thomas is leading a hunting party after a blonde girl named Tansy. The hunting party is a brunette girl, Theon and two dogs trained by Michael Vick. Apparently they’re hunting Tansy because the brunette girl was jealous of her. It’s like Veronica’s sick fantasy about what do about Betty in an Archie comic. Betty/Tansy doesn’t make it. Pro tip: when being chased by hunting hounds, do not stop running. We cut to Tyrion and Jaime brunching together. Tyrion gives Cersei the best nickname, “The Mother of Madness.” Jaime laments that he can’t fight anymore, and can’t trust anyone to train him to fight left handed without someone blabbing. Tyrion says knows just the guy. Of course, we immediately cut to Best-Line Bronn, who is leading Jaime to a secluded platform by the cliffs to train him. And of course, Bronn lives up to his nickname when he explains to Jaime why he’s sure that no one will hear them while they’re training. Basically, this is where Bronn takes some big dude’s wife to have sex with her. She’s a...