Orphan Black – S2E5 – Ipsa Scientia Potestas Est – Recap...

Good news, Orphan Black fans: in this episode, Paul’s back with a vengeance. And by vengeance, I mean shirtless, pantsless and with so many secrets behind those steely blue eyes. But, like, soulful secrets. (Hint: I am not complaining.) We start off this episode in Rachel’s bloody apartment, where she gives just a hint of humanity when she sees dead Men in Black, before immediately switching back to following the manual from Cold Bitch Digest. Leekie says that security footage shows that Helena and Sarah left together and that Helena is responsible for Men In Black’s death. He blames Rachel’s heavy-handed tactics for what’s happened but Rachel says she’s only just begun. (That’s from Chapter 4 of Cold Bitch Digest: Chilling One-Liners) Meanwhile Sarah has brought Helena to Felix’s, a rite of passage for Clone Club it seems. She tells Helena that she has to be nice to Felix because she is his brother and is therefore just like one of their sisters. She also asks Felix to bring Helena some clothes, which might make Helena the first woman to switch over from polygamist wedding chic to something pleather and possibly assless. Felix is none too pleased about having to “babysit Ukrainian psycho” while Sarah goes to talk to Kira but, as always, he does as his sister asks him to. There’s a brief scene of Kira and Cal in the camper. Cal is continuing to charm Kira, but we can see that he’s hiding a gun, several IDs, and a load of cash in the camper. If there’s anything Game of Thrones taught me, it’s don’t trust guys with beards (or bald guys, guys born of incest, guys made of black smoke, guys named after small body parts…actually, anybody. But I digress)…so I...

Orphan Black – S2E4 – Governed As It Were By Chance – Recap...

When last we left Clone Club, Sarah was in the midst of getting kidnapped by Men in Black (and made to drive his car) when a large truck came crashing into the passenger side. It turns out that truck was driven by none other than grizzly beefcake Cal. Sarah is okay but Men in Black appears to be dead. Cal wants to call the cops, but Sarah insists on no cops. Instead she decides to artfully hide the car with some tree branches. ‘Cause, sure, that looks like a totally natural car-shaped bush on the side of the road. Sarah tells Cal that she and Kira are going to leave, but Cal says he’s invested now and asks her to tell him what’s going on. Later we see the three of them take off in Cal’s camper. Back at Ranch Prolethean, we see Helena coming out of her sedative stupor. She’s still in her wedding dress and is clearly creeped out by the ring on her finger and her new, unasked for “family.” Still in her character shoes, we see Alison waking up after her disastrous musical performance with her arm in a sling. She then proceeds to throw up. When someone walks into her room, she thinks she’s in the DYAD Institute and demands to see Dr. Leekie. But, as it turns out, Alison is somewhere much worse: rehab. Back at Ranch Prolethean, Art is taking photos from the outside while, inside, one of Big Love’s wives tells him that she doesn’t think he should’ve brought Helena there. In the camper, Sarah tells Cal that Men In Black is working for a corporation. Cal asks her if she’s scamming corporations now.  She has Men In Black’s phone and gets a text from Rachel...

Orphan Black – S2E2 – Governed By Sound Reason and True Religion – Recap...

Welcome to my v-e-r-y late recap* of Episode 2, Season 2 of Orphan Black, wherein we find out that Mrs. S. puts both Ss in badass and Felix coins the term #cloneclub much to the delight of BBC America’s social media manager. The show starts off by confirming that evil Eastern European clone Helena is definitely alive before switching to a meeting between Sarah, Art and Felix as they try to figure out how to get Kira back. Felix has managed to procure new clone phones with plastic neon green covers and somewhere some Etsy shop is reaping the benefits of Clone Club’s first rule of Clone Club: matching phone covers at all times. Just then, Kira happens to call Felix, Art tracks the call, and Art and Sarah are off to Kira’s presumed location. By the way, does anyone else want the opening credits to have Tatiana Maslany’s name repeated 8 times? The woman deserves it! We cut to an expository scene establishing that the religious Prolethean group (of which Helena is a part) is planning something sinister on a farm somewhere. Then we see Alison doing her best impression of Holly Golightly at Aynsley’s funeral, where all of her fellow Pleasantville soccer moms loudly gossip about “her nerve” in showing up. To recap, they don’t know that Alison was actually at the scene of Aynsley’s death, only that she slept with Aynsley’s husband. As Alison and her family are getting ready to leave the funeral, Alison catches a glance of husband Donnie’s phone and realizes—he’s actually her monitor, not Aynsley after all. Whoops. At Dr. Leekie’s lab, Cosima and Delphine are being welcomed into the fold and both vowing that they are not colluding with Sarah. “I just want to make crazy...

Orphan Black – S2E1 – Nature Under Constraint and Vexed – Recap...

I am super excited to start recapping my household’s second favorite show about clones* for Tuesday Night Movies. So without further ado, let’s get started. We start off with the hardest working Canadian in show business, Tatiana Maslany, playing main clone Sarah, who has just found out that her daughter Kira and foster mother Mrs. S. are missing. Sarah sits in a diner where, using her special pink clone phone, she realizes that Alison and Cosima’s phones have been disconnected. She dials dreamboat monitor Paul, but only gets his voicemail. At this point, two people enter the diner: an extra from Mad Men and another from Dallas. Dallas gets into the discussion with the diner owner about whether his eggs are free-range or not. Eventually the two goons corner Sarah, leading diner owner to pull a gun on them. Unfortunately, organic food freak Dallas shoots the diner owner, and the diner owner gets in a kill shot, too. This gives Sarah enough time to head to Canada’s grossest diner bathroom before Mad Men goes in after her. Luckily, Sarah’s badass bionic clone leg lets her kick her way out of the bathroom’s wall before she inhales too much fecal matter and also before Mad Men can get in. It’s definitely time for some comic relief, so Sarah makes her way to Felix who is—of course—at a gay nightclub in his favorite assless chaps (our first glimpse of pasty man thigh in this episode). Sarah fills Felix in on Kira’s kidnapping. Meanwhile, we see Cosima and Delphine together in another location. Delphine is taking Cosima’s blood and we learn Cosima is planning to start gathering her own lab results. Straight from the nightclub, Felix visits the clone most likely to have a gun (and a velour tracksuit):...