October 13, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Gotham – S1E3 – The Balloonman – Recap

Hi everyone! This week’s episode of Gotham was pretty boring! Let’s get to it!

We open on Penguin getting off a bus, wearing the clothes that belonged to one of the bros he killed in last week’s episode. Looking around, he sees the following: some kids taking a guy’s wallet, a cop taking a bribe, a guy stealing a lady’s purse, and another lady (?) propositioning a stranger in a car for sex. All on the same block. In daylight. Within like a one minute time span. I know that we’re being force fed the line that Gotham is a horrible place and needs a savior (a “knight,” if you will) to come clean it up, but geez Louise, why does anyone live here? Anyway, Penguin sees all of this, smirks, and says “home.” As he walks away, we see a newscast talking about a guy who stole people’s money via a pyramid scheme – we cut to the thief yelling at his lawyer, basically showing the audience that he’s a real bad guy. He walks out onto the street, where he’s confronted by a stranger in a pig mask (for a second I thought it was going to be Professor. Pyg from Grant Morrison’s Batman run) who attaches a large balloon to him, carrying him high above the city. Yeah. This is happening. Buckle up.

After the opening title, we see Gordon and Bullock at the crime scene, where Bullock tells Gordon that the thief deserved what he got, just in case viewers at home were not aware that everyone in Gotham City is awful. Back at the police station, we’re introduced to Lt. Cranston, whose sole purpose is to talk about beating up suspects to remind us that Gotham’s police force is awful. While Gordon and Bullock discuss the first episode of the Gotham for those at home that might have missed it, a representative from juvenile services comes in with Catgirl, and signs her over to Gordon’s custody.

They go to the alley where the Waynes were shot, and she tells him about what she saw, which is pretty much what Gordon already knew. She says she can prove what she saw, because of the wallet she stole and tossed down the sewer – because he’s a chump, Gordon agrees to climb into the sewer to see if he can find the wallet. While he’s down there, Catgirl runs off.

We cut over to Fish Mooney’s club, where detectives Montoya and Allen come in to check after Penguin’s disappearance. Mooney chews some scenery, and puts the blame on Gordon. Seriously, Jada Pinkett Smith is the only person having any kind of fun on this show. On a street somewhere, Penguin is recognized by a thug, so he kills him in broad daylight and waddles off.

At Wayne Manor, we find Alfred goading Bruce into having a sword fight (?) in an office (??) Alfred talks a lot, but honestly I’ve watched the scene like 3 times and don’t have any idea what he said. There was huffing and puffing. Alfred knocks over some files, and notices that Bruce has been looking at the crime scene photos from when his parents were killed. Bruce explains he’s looking for clues, and Alfred replies “what, so you’re a detective now?” This is foreshadowing. Because of Batman.

Back at the GCPD, Montoya and Allen come in and accuse Gordon of killing Penguin. Everyone glares, everyone grits their teeth, you don’t see anyone’s feet – it’s like a Rob Liefeld comic.

Nick and The Rob at NYCC 2014

We jump to a random Italian restaurant, where we find Penguin applying for a job in the kitchen – except they’re all staffed up. The manager tells him he doesn’t even have the right shoes for the job, and stomps off. I wonder if this will become important later.

Back at the police station (again) Bullock comes up with some information on the balloonman (you guys, seriously. We are almost halfway through, and I’d completely forgotten about the main “villain” of the episode.) Gordon fills Bullock in on his meeting with Montoya and Allen. While they make their way to talk to a lead in the balloon case, Penguin creeps up on a guy who works at the restaurant who just so happens to wear the same shoe size as he does! What luck!

Remember earlier, when we were introduced to Lt. Cranston, who sort of came out of nowhere and only seemed to exist to fill the “bad cop” quota for the episode? Well, the Balloonman comes up to him in an alley (where Cranston was beating up a drug dealer for his money.) They tussle, and Cranston ends up floating up into the air.

So, now that a cop’s been killed, it’s a whole new ballgame. We cut to Gordon and Bullock in Essen’s office, going over the information they have on the suspect. Basically, Bullock is ready to send the guy away forever, regardless of whether or not he actually did it (Gotham City cops are bad, remember?) The weird thing is that based on all of the TV clips they show in the background, the citizens of Gotham seem to know that all the cops/public officials are bad news, and are totally on board with vigilante killings. It’s just hysterical that the public has zero faith in these guys, either. Then there’s a montage of Bullock being skeezy and violent while Gordon watches.

Back at the Italian restaurant, Penguin got a job!

Gordon and Bullock end up at another random apartment building, bust in, and arrest everyone, thinking they’re responsible for the balloon murders.

After commercials, we open on Mooney and her crybaby beat-up boyfriend from last episode, and you can clearly tell she’s over him. She asks one of our thugs to kill him, in addition to Falcone’s new girlfriend.

Back at Gordon’s apartment, we find that Montoya has just straight up walked into the place (using her old key, because she used to totally make out with his girlfriend but he doesn’t know yet,) where she finds Barbara, wearing little clothes and smoking weed. Montoya (again) tells Barbara that Gordon is bad news, and then there’s some more chit chat about how she still loves her and blah blah blah. THEN THERE’S KISSING AND BARBARA GETS MAD!

There’s a brief interrogation scene, where we basically find out that the suspect didn’t actually commit the crimes. They find Cranston’s body, and he’s got the form that Gordon signed to take Catgirl out earlier, which means that Gordon now knows who Balloonman is! Which is good, because we’ve got like 10 minutes left and this episode is super boring.

Long story short, the killer ends up being someone at juvenile services, and he looks like he’s a pretty good guy, not at all like someone who’d be involved in public office in Gotham City. Bullock and Gordon go after him, and there’s a hilarious moment where Balloonman and Gordon end up floating into the air, until Bullock shoots the balloon, causing them to drop onto the top of a van. Just based on the way this was filmed, they look like they are waaaaaaaaaaay higher up than they were, based on how Gordon could still walk away (although Balloonman ends up strapped to a board with a neck brace) but since I’m sure we’re going to eventually end up with maniacal killer clown people, I can let it slide.

After a brief scene of Falcone and Mooney, filled with veiled threats and whatever, we end this episode at Barbara’s apartment, where an achy Gordon tells her that the city is corrupt and horrible and he doesn’t know what he can do. There’s a knock on the door, and OH MAN THERE’S THE PENGUIN ALL DRESSED FANCY AND LOOKING LIKE AN EXTRA FROM A MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE VIDEO AND WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT YOU GUYS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

This episode was kind of blargh, but based on the previews for next week, it looks like we might get the Gordon and Penguin super fun happy hour. So, moving up? Who knows?

Written by Nick Doyle. Follow Nick on Twitter: @nicholasdoyle.

October 3, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Gotham – S1E2 – Selina Kyle – Recap

Last week, on Gotham, we were introduced to Detective Jim Gordon and his good-for-nothing-but-will-probably-end-up-having-a-heart-of-gold partner Harvey Bullock, along with nearly every single Batman Villain that’s ever existed. I think they’re saving Calendar Man for season two. Also, we met Bruce Wayne but he’s barely out of pre-school, so we’ve got a looooooong series ahead of us.

This week’s episode opens with Bruce alone in Wayne Manor, holding his hand over a lit candle. He keeps putting his hand closer to the flame, I guess in an attempt to see how much of the pain he can withstand. Alfred comes in, gets really angry, then hugs him, telling him it will be all right. Spoiler alert: it won’t be.

We cut to one of Gotham City’s many dark and scary alleys, where we find Catgirl batting a locket with her hand. Y’know, like a cat. There is a group of kids standing by a trashcan fire, which is the telltale sign of homeless people and/or hobos. A food truck pulls into the alley, and two overly-chipper people pop out to offer the kids some food. (One of the other kids yells to Catgirl, telling her she should come eat. He calls her “Cat.” Because the writers of this show want to make sure that there is no ambiguity about who this person is.) One of the food truck people, out of nowhere, starts jabbing the kids with a pen, immediately knocking them out. Catgirl runs away, as does another one of the homeless kids. Food Truck Guy gives chase, but is stopped by an older homeless person who comes out nowhere – Food Truck Guy shoots him and continues his chase. He catches up to the kid in front of a restaurant, and for a second I thought we were going to get an homage to the “Rick Moranis is attacked by a dog in front of Tavern on the Green while none of the rich people inside notice” scene from Ghostbusters (which, admittedly, would have been awesome.) Instead, Food Truck Guy throws him through the window instead. For some reason? I don’t know.

The next morning, we find Gordon in the alley squinting at the body while Catgirl poses on a roof. Bullock meets Gordon, and tells him that he shouldn’t waste his time because homeless people suck (HEY EVERYONE GOTHAM COPS ARE BAD GUYS.) A beat cop arrives, and Gordon yells at him because he should have already been at the crime scene – the cop explains that he was at the restaurant because they pay him money to keep an eye on the place (GOTHAM COPS ARE BAD.)

Back at the station, Bullock and Gordon are interrogating the kid who was thrown through a window – his name is Mackie – and seriously, for a dude that got TOSSED THROUGH A GLASS WINDOW he looks really good. Bullock, further illustrating that he’s a bad, bad, cop (see above) ignores everything that Mackie tells him (homeless kids have been disappearing but no one cares, etc) and accuses Mackie of the murder and threatens to beat the truth out of him. Gordon pulls Bullock aside to tell him he can’t beat up the suspect, because, well, it’s illegal This prompts Bullock to bring up last week’s episode of Gotham, where Gordon was forced to kill Penguin in order to prove he could be a bad cop, too.

Speaking of, we cut to Penguin as he waddles down the highway, and is picked up by a couple of preppy bros, who offer him booze and chit-chat – one of them tells Penguin that he looks like a Penguin, which causes him to break the bottle and kill the crap out of him! I can’t believe they missed last week’s episode of Gotham, where this happened 46 times.

After the credits, we cut back to the police chief’s office, where Bullock is complaining that Gordon wouldn’t let him beat up a suspect. What a crybaby. Nygma, slinks by the window, being creepy, and comes into the office to tell them that the blood test on Mackie came back with high levels of a knockout drug that used to be used at Arkham Asylum, which has been closed for years. After he’s done dumping exposition, he stands there, looking creepy. Bullock mentions that the kidnappings are happening on Fish Mooney’s “turf” and that maybe they should check in with her, to see if she is still mad at them. It’s been a few days since she had them hung upside down in a slaughterhouse. I’m sure everything’s cool now.

At Mooney’s club, everyone’s watching a cute Asian power pop band, and Carmine Falcone shows up to accuse Mooney of trying to muscle in on his business. To show her who’s boss, he has his dudes beat the crap out of one of her employees, who Falcone refers to as “her lover” (gross.) Falcone leaves, and Mooney flips out and clears the club. A short time later, she’s making plans to take over Falcone’s empire. She says she’s going to kill him “with <her> bare hands and <her> teeth.” Uhhhhh…what? She wishes Penguin was still alive, because she didn’t make him suffer enough. I like how every time someone mentions Penguin being dead, they cut to a scene of Penguin doing stuff, still alive! It’s clever! This time, we see him pull up (driving the bro’s car) to a house in order to rent a trailer from a country sort of guy (ok, seriously, where is Gotham City.) There’s some idle chit-chat about the bro’s truck (PENGUIN IS A NERD YOU GUYS AND HAS NO IDEA ABOUT CARS HA HA)

Gordon and Bullock pay a visit to Fish Mooney, where she kinda/sorta apologizes for trying to have them killed, on account her being “feisty.” Mooney informs Bullock and Gordon about an overseas organization that is paying for teenagers for…some reason? No one knows. Or cares, apparently, because Gotham City is a horrible awful place. I am beginning to wonder if one man can truly make a difference in a town like this.

Now, because the police chief told Gordon and Bullock not to let the press know about the abductions, Gordon makes sure to tell his girlfriend so she can call the newspapers. He is really bad at not-discussing case-related stuff with people. Just really bad. This is, however, when we learn that the chief’s name is “Sara Essen” which for God’s sake are the writers just throwing darts at a list of characters that have appeared in Batman comics? Because Sarah Essen is actually kind of an important character and they’ve just tossed her name on some rando. I digress.

We jump back to the police station and boy is everyone pissed about the story making the papers! Gordon and Bullock tell Essen that they have the names of all of the companies that sell the knockout drugs used by the kidnappers, and are going to “lean hard” on them. We cut to one of said companies, where the two Food Tuck people are getting yelled at by the owner of the company. At this moment, Gordon and Bullock show up (quick digression before the action starts: outside the lab/store/whatever, Bullock is telling Gordon how he needs to be more controlling of his girlfriend, and says that Gordon is a “monkey riding a racehorse.” What the crap does that mean? If you know, feel free to leave the answer in the comments.)

After paying lip service to interrogating the owner, Bullock and Gordon are surprised when the creepy food truck people turn off the lights and start a shootout! The CFTP run out and drive off, while Gordon finds the room where all of the kids are being held. DAY SAVED, WITH SEVENTEEN MINUTES LEFT IN THE EPISODE!

PSYCHE! After commercials, we join the Mayor giving a press conference, where he says that basically they’re going to take all of the homeless kids off of the streets and send them out of the city. To protect them from the kidnappers? I don’t know, Gotham City is gross and mean. After the press conference, Gordon finds that Alfred has dropped by for a visit. He asks if Gordon would drop by to visit them. Which is a little weird, but okay. We cut to Bruce doodling scary things while listening to metal.

Back in another location, we find all of the homeless kids getting loaded onto a few school buses, and we see Catgirl being sassy to a cop. Food Truck Lady comes on board, and when Catgirl recognizes her and tries to run away, FTL pulls a gun on her and makes her sit.

The mayor stomps into Essen’s office, completely livid over the fact that an entire bus of kids had disappeared. He begs her to tell him that it was not the work of the “snatchers” (who…who else could it have been?) Cut to the cell in the middle of the station (again, like last time, totally weird) where Bullock is beating the owner of the lab/store/whatever with a phone book, because, yeah, sure. He tells them the logo on the food truck had a picture of a plate and a fork on the side. After doodling Gordon realizes that the logo is not a plate and a fork but rather a trident, which is the logo of “Trident International Shipping! (DETECTIVE WORK!)

FTG and FTL are startled as a guy comes from “the back” of the warehouse, holding his eyes. When he pulls his hands away, they’re all bloody and gross. FTL kills him because his eyes are totally disgusting. She finds Catgirl, and is about to shoot her except Gordon shows up out of nowhere and clocks her. Case closed, easy peasy.

At Wayne Manor, Alfred and Gordon are talking about Bruce – Gordon suggests therapy, but Alfred tells him that Thomas Wayne told Alfred that if he and his wife were ever murdered in an alley, Alfred had to allow Bruce to follow his own path. So, if Bruce wants to listen to heavy metal music and cut himself, it’s totally cool. Let’s let a grade school kid take control of his life. Milkshakes for dinner every day! Bruce pops in, and explains that when he does things like burning or cutting himself, he’s testing himself. He offers to give money to the homeless kids, but Gordon tells him that they don’t need money (huh?) they need people to take care of them (oh. But also maybe they need money.)

At the station, Gordon and “Cat” banter back and forth a little, and we learn her name is actually “Selina.” She tells Gordon that she knows who killed the Waynes, but since this is only the second episode and the episode only has one minute left, we gotta go! DUN DUN DUN!

So, the second episode of Gotham is definitely better than the first, but the acting is still pretty awful across the board, and Gordon is straight up an awful detective. I was noticing that the actress that plays Selina looks a lot like Julie Newmar; this, combined with Pinkett Smith’s amazing Eartha Kitt impression, makes me hope that the show is actually just a prequel to the Adam Wets Batman series. I’m not into the idea of introducing Batman’s entire rogues gallery before he hits puberty, but if a vaguely Latino gentleman with a moustache shows up telling jokes, I might change my mind…

Written by Nick Doyle. Follow Nick on Twitter: @nicholasdoyle.

September 25, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Gotham – S1E1 – Pilot – Recap

Monday night marked the premiere of Gotham, Fox’s entry in the “hey comics are ‘in’ right now so let’s make a TV show” sweepstakes – and boy, was it a TV show that came on TV! The premise of the show is simple: it’s a cop drama focusing on James Gordon before he became police commissioner, before there was a Batman, before Gotham City became a haven for lunatic clowns and Two-Faced ex-lawyers. Only…it isn’t, really? Based on the pilot episode, it looks like the only thing that’s not going to show up on this show is Batman.

This becomes apparent right from the start, as the show opens on a young lady jumping around on rooftops and stopping occasionally to pose and look serious. She steals a carton of milk from an old lady and a wallet from a random guy. She ends up in an alley, and we see learn why she stole the milk: so she can feed a stray cat. HEY, YOU THERE, WATCHING THE TV SHOW, DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?!? SHE’S A “WOMAN” WITH AN AFFINITY FOR “CATS.”

This cat…girl…is spooked by a family as they enter the alley, all laughing and having a grand old time, talking about the movie they just saw. Then, out of nowhere, a guy in a mask comes up to them, demanding the mother’s necklace and the father’s wallet. Even though he gets both without any protest, he still decides to shoot both of them, leaving the young boy alone to kneel by their bodies and screech into the night. The catlady watches and poses.

You’d think we’d cut to the credits after this, but you’d be wrong! Cut to a police station where a cop is leading a mumbly guy to his cell, which looks to be in the middle of the main room? I’ve never been arrested, but I feel like this is different in real life. Mumbles keeps talking about his “pills,” then suddenly grabs the cop’s gun and takes her as a hostage, which prompts the ENTIRE POLICE STATION to pull their guns on him. Except for our hero, James Gordon, who yells for everyone to hold their fire. As he’s trying to calm Mumbles down, Gordon spies a strategically-placed yet comically-large bottle of “Aspirin” on an adjacent desk, and tosses them to Mumbles, explaining that they’re his “pills.” He then uses this opportunity to take down Mumbles without killing him, saving the day without killing him. But Gotham City cops are bad, so they start beating the crap out of Mumbles. To underline this point, Detective Harvey Bullock (Gordon’s partner) comes up and tells him that Cop Rule #1 is “always shoot a guy if he pulls a gun on a cop.”

Bullock and Gordon get the call to check out the homicide, and when they get there Gordon immediately goes over to the son to take his statement, while Bullock chit-chats with another cop. He’s told that the murdered couple is Thomas and Martha Wayne, which terrifies him, because apparently this means he’ll have to do cop stuff? I don’t know, I guess that’s bad. The son, Bruce, gives Gordon a description of the killer, mentioning his “shiny shoes.” Gordon decides to tell Bruce the story of how his own parents were killed by a drunk driver – which, honestly, is kind of weird since they just met and Bruce just saw his parents murdered. Gordon also tells Bruce that “there will be light” which is also kind of weird. Gordon promises Bruce that they’re going to find his parent’s killers, as the Wayne’s butler, Alfred, shows up to take Bruce away.

THEN THE OPENING TITLES HAPPEN.

We come back to find Bullock and Gordon in a diner, discussing the case. Bullock is telling Gordon how he shouldn’t have talked to Bruce, because now they’re stuck having to do police work and try to close the case. He also calls Gordon “Holmes,” for some reason. Detectives Montoya and Allen, from the Major Crimes Unit, show up and ask if Bullock wants to hand off the case. There’s some smart talk, and Bullock says they’re going to keep the case, and once they’ve sat down, Bullock calls them “Skullhuggers.” I don’t know what this word means.

Up next, there’s a pretty inconsequential scene in the Chief’s office and a “chasing after/interviewing perps” montage – after which we find ourselves back at the police station, where Gordon and Bullock get information on the bullet that killed Thomas Wayne from a nerdy guy named “Ed.” Ed starts to ask a question of the officers, but Bullock stops him, saying “don’t ask, just tell!” which only makes sense if you know that the dialogue is actually setup for something. Which it is. Because, y’know, he could have had an actual question for the detectives. After telling them about the bullet, Ed asks a riddle, which I didn’t write down, but Gordon immediately answers him, which annoys Ed. As they leave, Bullock says “Nygma, you need professional help.” YOU GUYS YOU GUYS IT’S THE RIDDLER DID YOU SEE IT’S THE RIDDLER.

They decide to go see “Fish Mooney” at her club to get information – when they show up, it turns out she’s in the back alley with some of her people, beating up a guy for stealing her money. She has a skinny guy with a weird nose holding an umbrella over her, because it’s raining. She goes in to the club to talk to the detectives, and the other thugs ask the guy with the umbrella, whose name is “Oswald,” if he wants to take a turn beating up the thief – he does, and they all giggle. One of the guys calls Oswald “Penguin” and OH YOU GUYS WAIT THIS IS THE PENGUIN.

For those keeping score at home, we are less than halfway through the first episode of this show and three of Batman’s major villains have been introduced, while Batman himself is still a pre-pubescent.

We cut to a swanky apartment, where an attractive blonde lady slowly walks through a living room towards Gordon. She comments on his “excellent suit.” Then, Gordon talks her out of going to whatever thing they were supposed to go to (which is presumably the reason she’s all dressed up?) They talk about the Wayne case, and he tells her that he made a little boy a promise, and by gum, he’s gonna keep it no matter what. Then they totally make out.

An unspecified amount of time passes, and we cut to Gordon’s flip-phone vibrating in front of a fireplace – it’s Bullock, calling from a loud bar (while doing shots!) telling him that they have a lead on the case, and Gordon needs to meet him in an hour. Then there’s an external shot of the city, and it’s obviously daylight, which makes me wonder what time the bars close in Gotham City. Bullock is sitting on a stoop, drinking from a flask. He explains that they’re at the home of a “Mario Pepper” and he has a tip that Pepper was seen with a necklace just like Martha Wayne’s! They knock on the door of his apartment, and a little girl answers – Gordon asks her name, and she says “Ivy” (HEY, WAIT A MINUTE) – when they ask to speak to her dad, she says they don’t want to, because “he’s mean.” They eventually end up inside the apartment, where Ivy is seen fiddling with one of the many plants strewn about the apartment. HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS, THIS IS POISON IVY YOU GUYS POISON IVY RIGHT HERE. After asking him a few questions, Mario flips the kitchen table and takes off, leading Gordon on a chase over a rooftop, through what looks to be a sweatshop, a commercial kitchen, and an alley. One thing I want to note here: this chase scene was super weird, in that they would occasionally interrupt the shots of Gordon chasing Pepper with close-ups of Gordon’s head and torso, head-on, huffing and puffing as he ran. It was really off-putting. ANYWAY, once they’re in the alley, Gordon and Pepper get into a fight, and Pepper is about to kill Gordon when Bullock shows up and shoots Pepper.

Back at the apartment, the police easily find the necklace, along with some drugs, which means: case closed! Everyone gives Bullock and Gordon high fives and they get to be on the front page of the newspaper. Penguin, however, knows better, and tells Montoya and Allen that Pepper was framed by Gordon and Bullock and Fish Mooney.

We cut to a cemetery, where the funeral of Thomas and Martha Wayne is taking place. Catgirl is posing on top of various grave markers, in broad daylight, in a cemetery full of people, yet no one seems to notice. Bruce thanks Gordon for keeping his promise.

Montoya shows up at Barbara’s apartment, and she accuses Gordon of being a dirty cop, by way of reminding Barbara (and informing the audience at home) that they used to make out. After Barbara questions Gordon about it, he stomps up to Montoya and there’s some posturing and big-talk and he vows to find out the truth. He goes back to Pepper’s apartment, and digs through his closet, looking for a pair of shiny shoes, which are not there. This is all Gordon needs to see to know that they did in fact frame Pepper. Although, when you think about it, they could’ve just buried the guy in his fancy shoes, but whatever.

Gordon asks Bullock about it, and Bullock refers to Montoya as a “pill head looney bird,” whatever that is. He tells Gordon that they couldn’t have framed Pepper, but if they did, they definitely couldn’t admit it, because they ended up killing him, and they’d lose their jobs, killing an innocent man. Which I get, except for the fact that Pepper tried to kill Gordon like a billion times in the space of a few minutes, which would probably give him an “out.” Bullock tells Gordon to let it drop, so Gordon decides to bust up into Mooney’s club, get beaten up, and then be dragged to a slaughterhouse to be murdered on camera.

After finding out from Barbara that Gordon never came home, Harvey shows up at the slaughterhouse and asks the thugs to call Mooney – he interrupts her as she’s watching a random comedian perform for her (OH. NO.) and Bullock informs her that she has a snitch in her organization – he also tells her she can’t have Gordon killed, because then he’d have to “do something,” which causes Mooney to order her guys to knock out Bullock and hang him up as well.

Back at the club, Fish has Penguin rub her feet (gross) while she talks about how the city’s changing, and someone will soon take over control of the city from Carmine Falcone, and it might as well be her. She accuses Penguin of being the snitch, and proceeds to beat him with a chair, focusing on his legs. The comedian watches, but this is the last we see of him (WHEW.)

Back at the slaughterhouse, a random guy in a mask and chainmail comes out of the back, picks up a meat cleaver, and makes his way towards Bullock and Gordon. At that exact moment, Carmine Falcone and a few of his goons walk in and kill everyone. Falcone and Gordon go for a walk and Falcone tells him how he knew Gordon’s father, which means maybe his dad isn’t as good as he thought? In any case, Bullock and Gordon drive to the docks, and Bullock pulls Penguin out of the trunk, and says that Falcone says Gordon’s got to kill him, so they’ll know they can trust Gordon. Bullock says that if he doesn’t, Bullock will have to kill both of them. So, Gordon makes Penguin walk to the end of the dock (he’s waddling, now, after getting beaten by Mooney,) pretends to shoot him in the head, and pushes him into the river, telling him to never come back to Gotham.

After this, Gordon goes to Wayne Manor, only to find Bruce standing on the edge of the roof. After Alfred gets him to come down, Gordon apologizes to Bruce for not actually finding his parent’s killer, and then proceeds to tell Bruce the entire story, including all the things that could implicate Gordon, and asks that Bruce keep it all a secret. This is an insane level of trust between a grown-up adult and a young boy that only met one another like a week ago. As Gordon leaves, we see Catgirl posing on the main gate of Wayne Manor. In broad daylight. I mean, Gordon drives right past her. I’m now officially concerned about his detective abilities.

Finally, we see Penguin pull himself out of the water, kill a fisherman, and go full Danny DeVito on the guy’s sandwich.

AND THAT’S THAT!

I’m really not sure what kind of show Gotham is supposed to be. It’s not a very good cop drama, and the main pilot is just an endless succession of Easter eggs aimed at Batman fans. I’m terrified that we’re going to have pretty much every single Batman villain on the show before Bruce’s voice even cracks. So far, I just find myself really wishing they’d make a show based on Gotham Central, but we’ll see how it goes!

Written by Nick Doyle. Follow Nick on Twitter: @nicholasdoyle. This post contains Amazon product links. Shopping at Amazon through these links helps keep Tuesday Night Movies going!

September 24, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Agents of SHIELD – S2E1 – Shadows – Recap

Annnnnnd here we go! Agents of SHIELD is back and so our our recaps of the show. Lest you’ve forgotten, at the end of last season, SHIELD was in shambles. The fallout from Captain America: The Winter Soldier was severe. Hydra infiltration of SHIELD ran very deep. To the world at large, Hydra and SHIELD are one and the same. Coulson’s team isn’t faring much better. Ward was revealed to be a Hydra agent. Fitz has suffered brain trauma thanks to Ward dumping him and Simmons in the ocean. And Coulson is scribbling alien language on the walls of his bedroom. Which brings us to…now…well, actually World War II.

We’re given a sneak peak at the new Agent Carter TV series at the start of this episode. Agent Carter and her team are raiding a Hydra lab towards the tail end of World War II. Hey, that’s Dum Dum Dugan standing next to Agent Carter! It looks like the Agent Carter series will be Agent Carter and her Howling Commandos. I’m guessing that once the series launches, there will be many crossovers with Agents of SHIELD, with Agent Carter dealing with a Hydra threat in WWII that pops up in the present to plague Coulson’s team in Agents of SHIELD.

Case in point, Agent Carter and her team lock up some super-tech in WWII, whose location is for sale in a shady deal in the present. May and Skye are staking out the deal. Side note: Skye’s hair is really cute. Some girls disappear into a carton of Ben & Jerry’s when it’s revealed their boyfriend is a double agent. Not Skye, she got herself some post-Ward hair.

The deal goes bad when a third party shows up and makes off with the info. That third party being a bald man impervious to bullets. Who is he, you ask? None other Crusher Creel, The Absorbing Man. I’m pretty sure he’s played by Penny’s ex-boyfriend on Big Bang Theory. You know, the guy who dressed like Tarzan at the Halloween party, the one Leonard had to get Penny’s TV back from.

It turns out that the buyers in this deal were working for Coulson. May and Skye weren’t there to break up the deal. They were there as back up. We’ve got four new faces on Coulson’s team, SHIELD agents from a different group, and I swear I cannot remember their names at all. For now, they’re the four new guys to me.

Coulson and his team are living in one of Nick Fury’s secret bases. I was happy to see Patton Oswalt return as this base’s resident Koenig brother. Speaking of which, after this episode, I’m thinking that the Koenigs are life model decoys. Hear me out. There are at least three of them, and they all seem to be assigned to one of Fury’s secret bases. I think there are more than three Koenig brothers, that there’s one at every one of Fury’s bases. That’s just a hunch though.

Coulson’s team is being hunted by Brigadier General Talbot. Coulson arranges a meeting with him by sneakily kidnapping him in the middle of the day. Seriously, the army has nothing on SHIELD. Talbot is convinced that Coulson is not on the up and up, despite anything Coulson says or does. Coulson wants to help Talbot take down Creel and Hydra, but I get the feeling that Talbot would just as gladly take down Coulson and call it a day.

Is it me, or does it look like the special effects budget on the show took a major jump this season? The Absorbing Man looks fantastic is every scene he’s in, especially when he turns to glass in his prison break. Comparing the special effects in this episode to the those in the first episode last season is like comparing night and day. Costume design too. I felt that Deathlok looked pretty cheesy last year, but Absorbing Man looks cool. Yes, he’s basically just a shirtless bald man in pants, but they make his absorbing power look so cool!

Where’s everyone’s favorite SHIELD agent turned traitor? Ward is locked up in Coulson’s secret base. He’s sporting a nice prison beard, and looks pretty gaunt in the face. Coulson sends Skye down to his cell to get some much needed information. Skye’s not terribly happy about this. There is A LOT of tension between Ward and Skye. But Skye basically tells him that they’re never ever getting back together. Like ever. Skye leaves before Ward can tell her that he’s knows about her father (!!).

We also check in on FitzSimmons this episode. Fitz is not himself. The banter with Simmons is gone. He’s no longer happy go lucky. Instead he’s bitter about his impeded brain function. He wants to be better, but he’s having a hard go at it. His language center is messed up. He forgets words. More importantly, his scientific mind is not what it was. He’s tying to build a cloaking system for Coulson, but keeps coming up short. He lashes out a Simmons. Fitz, how could you? You two are FitzSimmons. But the big shock comes at the end of the episode, when it’s revealed that Simmons bolted a while back. The Simmons we’ve seen all episode is a figment of Fitz’s imagination. All episode, he’s just been talking to himself. As someone for whom FitzSimmons is the best part of Agents of SHIELD, this came as a major blow. I really hope Fitz recovers and reunites with Simmons.

Since Fitz can’t build Coulson a cloaking system, Coulson arranges for Skye and May to steal one, in the form of a Quinjet. In the comics, a Quinjet is the Avenger’s supersonic jet, designed by Henry Pym aka Ant Man (aka Giant Man aka Goliath aka Yellowjacket). That’s one in the win column for Coulson.

However, the team suffers a couple of big losses. First, when they hack into Hydra’s communication system, it’ becomes clear that Hydra isn’t broken, just hiding. Hydra cells are still EVERYWHERE. The whole global map is full of them.

The second big loss when three of the four new members are taken out by The Absorbing Man. The super-artifact they’re trying to keep from him is deadly to the touch. When the new woman on the team touches it, she can’t let go, and it turns her hand and arm to rot. They have to remove her arm to keep it from spreading to her whole body. Unfortunately, while they’re dealing with her situation, The Absorbing Man, in all his super-powered glory, takes out their car and steals the artifact. Things are looking good for the new guys. One episode in and one of the four new members is already dead. Suddenly, I don’t feel bad about not immediately learning their names.

Comic Book Connections:

The Absorbing Man first appeared in Journey into Mystery #114. He was initially a Thor villain, but has gone on to plague many heroes in the Marvel Universe. He’s often seen in the company of his girlfriend, the superstrong Titania. The Absorbing Man has the power to absorb the properties of anything he touches, so if he touches steel, he’ll turn into steel. This effect eventually wears off, and he turns back into flesh and bone. The show did a good job of showing this, having a shard of metal sheared from him turn back into rather bloody flesh in the lab. It was a nice nod to the fans having Creel get his hands on a ball and chain, his traditional weapon of choice.

Agent Carter is Peggy Carter, who was the World War 2 girlfriend of Captain America, and ~~sister~~ aunt (possibly grand-aunt now) of Sharon Carter, Captain America’s present day girlfriend. Cap really has a type. Why the change from sister to aunt? Well, the years since World War 2 keep passing, but Captain America and company barely age. When Sharon Carter first appeared, she could have had an older sister in World War 2. But now, not so much. In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it looks like Peggy is taking Nick Fury’s place as the leader of the Howling Commandos.

The Quinjet is the invention of Hank Pym. It’s a super-fast jet capable of deep space travel. The Avengers are constantly making adjustments and improvements to them.

July 3, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Agents of SHIELD – S1E22 – Beginning of the End – Recap

When last we saw FitzSimmons, they were being “saved” by Ward dropping them into the middle of the ocean. We catch up to them now. They’re still in the cargo container/escape pod that Ward jettisoned from the Bus. But now it’s at the bottom of the ocean. Both of the geniuses are trying to figure out to escape and survive…and are coming up with nothing. Eventually, Simmons figures out how they can blow the window and escape, and Fitz figures out how to save Simmons, but at the cost of his own life. We get a sweet scene of FitzSimmons expressing their feelings for one another. The window blows. Simmons, the stronger swimmer of the two, hauls an unconcious Fitz to the surface. Unfortunately, they’re still in the middle of the ocean. That’s when FitzSimmons is saved by…Nick Fury! The opening credits gave away that Samuel L. Jackson, aka Nick Fury, would be in this episode, but I didn’t see this one coming. Fitz isn’t doing well. We actually don’t see him for the rest of the episode.

Over in Hydra/Cybertek central, Garrett is going crazy. When he said last episode that he could see the universe, he wasn’t speaking in metaphors. He thinks his perception and brain power have been significantly enhanced. Maybe they have. Or maybe he’s just coo coo for Cocoa Puffs. He talks about being able to see the universe so much that he starts to remind of me of Katamari Damacy.

Now that I think about it, Garrett makes as much sense as the King of the Cosmos in this episode.

Ward is worried about Garret’s sanity and says as much to Raina. But Raina is all in. She likes Garrett’s new crazy eyes. They kind of match her own.

After Fury saves FitzSimmons, he sticks around and helps Coulson take down Garrett. Fury and Coulson get some closure during this climatic final battle against Garrett, and Coulson’s team emerges victorious. But hold the phone! After Coulson and company think they’ve won and are clearing out, Garrett reemerges more Deathlok-ed out than ever. Ruh-roh. Oh wait, he’s quickly disintegrated by Coulson in what has to be Coulson’s best entrance since the first episode, when he emerged from the shadows and blamed it on a broken light bulb.

Coulson’s team is set up with a new base, and a new Patton Oswalt?!?! Say hello to Eric Koenig’s twin brother Billy! Alright, Patton Oswalt as a series regular in season two!

But all isn’t 100% okay. In the final scene, Coulson is asleep in his new SHIELD base. Garrett’s crazy flowchart is next to him. Coulson either wakes up or is sleepwalking. He then proceeds to start digging into the wall with a tool, recreating Garrett’s flowchart and adding to it. Double ruh-roh. Maybe injecting people with blue alien blood while surgically messing with their brains isn’t the best idea after all…

Well here we are. The end of season one of Agents of SHIELD. I know some people were disappointed by this show, but it really exceeded all of my expectations. Joss, Jed and company really made me care about these new characters. I’m looking forward to season two in the fall very much. If you haven’t jumped back on the Agents of SHIELD train, I definitely recommend doing so, especially the post-Winter Soldier episodes.

June 17, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Game of Thrones – S4E10 – The Children – Recap

Well, here we are. Episode 10. The end of the line. As always, this recap will have spoilers for this episode. If you have not yet watched episode 10, The Children, I recommend watching it first and coming back. I’m terrible with names, so please forgive my use of nicknames. Also, I haven’t read the books, so if you have, I ask that you please keep future spoilers regarding the show to yourself. Thanks!

At the end of the episode 9, I wondered if that would be the last we see of Jon Snow until season 5. But episode 10 picks up with Jon Snow immediately. Jon marches straight to the Wildling camp. He’s not there to fight; he’s there to talk to the Head Wildling in Charge. Unlike Red Beard, the HWiC doesn’t care about fighting the crows. He just wants to get his people on the other side of the wall, because winter is coming and it’s coming fast. I’m starting to realize that winter = horde of undead ice zombies. He promises that his men won’t cause any trouble if they’re allowed through the other side of the wall. This kind of throws Jon, who is there to assassinate him.

Jon and HWiC drink to each side’s dead. Jon doesn’t trust the drink at first, but HWiC points out that if he wanted Jon dead, he’d be dead already without having to resort to poison. Just as it seems that Jon and HWiC will either come to a truce or Jon will attempt to kill him, a huge phalanx rolls into camp on horseback.

The army cuts through any and all Wildling resistance. HWiC has his men stand down; they’ve lost enough recently. I won’t lie; I had no idea whose army this was. The reveal comes, and it’s…Stannis. Jon does a good job of (literally) keeping his head while talking to Stannis, pointing out that his father died trying to get Stannis properly put on the throne. Stannis wants HWiC to kneel before him and swear fealty. HWiC is fine with siding with Stannis, but is quick to point out that he and his people don’t kneel.

In King’s Landing, Cersei, the grand maester, and junior maester are standing over the Mountain. Amazingly, the Mountain didn’t die in his battle against Inigo Montoya, but he’s close to it. The grand maester doesn’t approve of junior maester’s tactics in trying to revive the Mountain. Junior maester is basically Miracle Max from The Princess Bride. Man, GRRM really loves himself some Princess Bride. I’m adding “Watch The Princess Bride with George R. R. Martin” to my bucket list.

Cersei meets with Tywin. She gives him an ultimatum. Cancel her wedding to Princess Low Cut’s brother or she reveals the truth about her own children’s parentage. Tywin does not want to hear this, but what dad does want to hear about his children also being lovers? Happy Father’s Day, Tywin.

Cersei then goes to Jaime, who is still pissed at her about Tyrion’s upcoming death sentence. Cersei doesn’t even consider Tyrion human, referring to him as the monster who killed their mother, and compares him to a disease that a needs to be eradicated from the body. Jaime isn’t liking this. Cersei then tells Jaime about the ultimatum that she gave Tywin. Jaime is shocked, but suddenly is also in a much better mood.

Dany is in her throne room, listening to more subjects. One man wants to be a slave again. Dany’s not a fan of the idea, but compromises and says he can return to his master’s employ as long as his master gives him a fair contract. Another subject enters the throne room. The dragons are behaving badly again, but this time it wasn’t goats that were burnt to a crisp, it was this guy’s daughter. Dany’s not happy. She chains up two of the dragons in the catacombs. I expect the third to meet the same fate when it returns.

At the wall, the old, Tagaryen maester is presiding over a funeral for the fallen men. They’re being burnt. I believe this prevents them from returning as zombies. Jon is there. He sees the Red Witch through the flames of the funeral pyre and they hold each other’s gaze. I wonder why this scene with the two of them was put in here. Will she factor into Jon’s story next season? Could she be Jon’s as yet unidentified mother?

Jon meets with Red Beard, who tells Jon that Red loved him. Jon doesn’t believe it, but Red Beard says that all Red ever talked about was killing Jon. That’s how he knew she loved Jon. Red Beard asks Jon to take Red’s body north of the wall and burn her, which Jon does. Jon has a solitary funeral for Red and burns her body. Man, I wish she lived, but happy endings in Game of Thrones are even less common than happy endings in The Walking Dead.

Also north of the Wall, Hodor and the kids have found the God’s Wood from Brann’s vision. As they make their way to the tree, zombie hands pop out of the ground. One grabs the kid from Love, Actually. More pop out of the ground and attack. Brann possesses Hodor in order to fight back. All of a sudden, zombies start bursting into flames. The kids and Hodor are saved by a girl I’m calling Lil’ Terminator. She tells them, “Come with me or die.” Love, Actually doesn’t make it, but everyone else escapes. They burn his body. Lil’ Terminator brings them to the last Knight Templar from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, who lives inside the tree. They chose…wisely.

Brienne and Pod encounter Arya and the Hound. Brienne compliments Arya’s choice of Needle as the name for her sword. Brienne pleads with Arya to come with her. Arya isn’t interested. The Hound says Arya’s fine with him. Arya seems to agree. Brienne and the Hound fight. Oh man, this isn’t going to end in a tie, is it? That’s too bad, because I really like both these characters. The fight is vicious! Brienne totally Mike Tyson’s the Hound! She even spits his ear out like Tyson. Brienne wins the fight, leaving the Hound for dead, but she can’t find Arya. Once Brienne leaves, Arya comes out of hiding. The Hound asks Arya to kill him. He’s mortally wounded and would prefer to die quickly. He points out that he is on Arya’s list of people to kill. Arya takes his coin purse and leaves him to die on his own. Coldddddddddd bloodedddddddddddd!

In King’s Landing, Jaime breaks Tyrion free! Yes! Am I getting my Tyrion and Jaime road-buddy spin off? No, it turns out, I’m not. Jaime is staying. Tyrion is about to escape the castle, but decides to double back and check in on his dad’s room to wish him a Happy Father’s Day…and finds Shae lying in Tywin’s bed. She even calls out to Tywin, asking if that’s him coming back to bed, and uses her nickname for Tyrion, “My Lion,” to refer to Tywin. What. The. Fuck? I remember saying when last season was coming to an end, “If they kill Shae, I’ll riot.” But now, fuck Shae. She sucks. Tyrion must feel the same way, as he strangles her to death in the bed. Fucking Shae, the courthouse testimony was one thing, but this? This is fucked up.

Tyrion grabs a crossbow and looks for dear old dad. He finds Tywin not on the Iron Throne, but on the porcelain throne. Not Tywin’s best moment, for sure. First he has to deal with constipation, and now he’s got a crossbow pointed at him. Tyrion wants to know why Tywin slept with Shae, and Tywin isn’t even apologetic, basically using “She’s a whore” as his defense. Tywin wants to get up and talk about this calmly with Tyrion. But Tyrion’s done talking. He puts two crossbow bolts in Tywin, leaving his dad’s dead body on the shitter. Happy Father’s Day, Tywin.

Tyrion meets up with Varys. Tyrion goes in box. Box goes on boat. Varys hears the city alarm and Varys also goes on boat. Boat sets sail. Momma Varys didn’t raise no fool.

Arya rides alone. She tries to get passage on a ship, but is denied. When the captain mentions Braavos, she produces her coin of the faceless man and tells the captain, “Vallar morghulis.” The captain is clearly surprised, and gives her a room on the ship. Is this ship heading to Braavos or the North?

And that’s it. Season four is over. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading these recaps as much as I’ve enjoyed writing them, as they have been very fun to write. I’ll be back with more Game of Thrones recaps once Season 5 starts. Like many of you, I’m already going through Game of Thrones withdrawal and not looking forward to having to wait nearly a year again for more new episodes. Until next time, vallar morghulis, everyone.

June 11, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Agents of SHIELD – S1E21 – Ragtag – Recap

Ragtag by Emma Rios (Art of Level 7)

We learn a lot about Ward’s back story in Ragtag, specifically his relationship to Garrett. Ward was recruited by Garrett straight from juvenile lockup. Ward had been shunned by his family, but I guess that’s to be expected when you ditch military school to set the family home on fire while your brother is still in it. I wonder if we’ll ever see Ward’s brother. I can see him growing up to be a burnt-face enemy assassin, like Game of Thrones’s The Hound or WWE’s Kane.

Garrett leaves Ward in the woods with nothing but a dog named Buddy and his wits. Garrett checks in him on the seldom side of periodic. Ward and Buddy live in the woods for 5 years. During this time, Ward manages to forage for food and supplies, build himself a cabin and finally get a decent haircut.

Young Ward’s hair is best described as “serial killer-esque.”

What’s really interesting about this back story is the order of Ward’s recruitment by Garrett. Initially when he meets Ward, Garrett says he works for a secret organization. But a few years later, he tells Ward all about Hydra before telling him about SHIELD, making Ward a Hyrdra agent first and a SHIELD agent second.

Back in present, we’re quickly reminded that while Colson’s team is back together, Garrett and Ward have the Bus and Skye’s hard drive. Coulson wants both back. Skye has developed a trojan horse that can take down Garrett’s network. It’s installed on her stolen laptop. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to finish it. But as long as she can insert a thumb drive with the patch into any Hydra computer, it will launch the malware across their entire network. In order to sneak in Skye’s thumb drive, Coulson and May pose as renegade SHIELD scientists applying for jobs at Cybertek, the company behind Deathlok. This job interview was quite possibly my favorite scene in the episode. Coulson and May are being fed lines by FitzSimmons, causing both of them to fall into brogues as FitzSimmons argue and talk over each other. It was especially great to see a flustered Fitz/Coulson defending his work over a Hydra knock off. Unfortunately, May and Coulson don’t get job or get the job done. There are no computers in the entire building! They do find the file facility on the fourth floor, where they find a cabinet dedicated to the Deathlok program and make a shocking discovery, namely that Garrett is Deathlok 1.0! They download the files the old fashioned way, throwing the entire cabinet out the fourth floor window to Tripplett below.

My other favorite scene came a little earlier when Tripplett retrieved his great-uncle’s Howling Commando gear. It’s all very James Bond by the way of World War II. Coulson is in heaven. And Fitz got to play comic relief by accidentally setting the curtains on fire with a laser cigarette.

The team tracks Garrett to an old SHIELD facility in Havana. FitzSimmons scout for the Bus, while May, Coulson and Tripplett check out the SHIELD base. FitzSimmons are three hours away from the team when they find the Bus in an airfield, too long for Coulson and company to rejoin them before the Bus takes off. FitzSimmons decide to sneak on the Bus. They’re quickly caught. While being questioned by Garrett, Fitz pulls out one of Tripplett’s great-uncle’s toys, a joybuzzer that’s also a short-range EMP. It shorts out the lights and Garrett’s Deathlok systems, giving FitzSimmons a chance to flee.

Garrett is not doing well. His Deathlok parts are fine, but his biological parts are giving out. That’s the entire reason for it all: Centipede, stealing the TAHITI information: it was all to keep him alive. Now that his Deathlok system is shorted out, he’s fading fast. Garrett wants FitzSimmons dead and commands Ward to kill them.

Cut back to the past, where we find out Garrett’s final test for Ward: killing his dog Buddy, whom Ward has been living with for the past 5 years. Ward can’t do it. Out of Garrett’s sight, he shoots his pistol in the air, which sends Buddy running. Ward can’t do it in the present either. He traps FitzSimmons in a cargo hold. When they won’t come out, Fitz’s pleading puppy eyes remind Ward of Buddy, and he ejects the cargo hold they’re in from the plane, seemingly dooming them in the ocean, but really saving them.

Flowers has managed to synthesize a single dose of the alien blood that helped resurrect Coulson. In order to save Garrett, Flowers injects him with the synthesized alien blood, mixing it with the Centipede formula already in his system. For a moment, it looks like he might explode like one of the Extremis soldiers in Iron Man 3, but he cools down and is good as new. Ward tells Garrett that he killed FitzSimmons. You know what? I don’t care that Ward let them live. He can’t be trusted. I don’t want him on Coulson’s team next season. Just sayin’.

Back in Havana, Coulson, May and Tripplett are ambushed by a guy holding what looks like an Asgardian staff. He doesn’t do anything except for smile menacingly. But in the dark room they’re in, suddenly single red eyes burst to life. They’re being ambushed by Deathloks! And it looks from the silhouette like these are classic Luther Manning-style Deathloks! Alright! I can’t wait until the next episode.

In the kicker, Ian Quinn is attempting to sell a Deathlok army to the US government and the higher ups in the military that he’s meeting with look very intrigued.

June 9, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Agents of SHIELD – S1E20 – Nothing Personal – Recap

I have to say, I really like the synergy that Agents of SHIELD and Captain America: The Winter Soldier have together. Having the story from Captain America: The Winter Soldier tie in so much with the last quarter season of Agents of SHIELD has been wonderful.

Nothing Personal by Stephanie Hans (Art of Level 7)

Colbie Smulders guest stars in this episode, reprising her role as Fury’s second-in-command Maria Hill, who when we saw her last at the end of Winter Soldier was taking a job with Tony Stark. Hill is still at Stark. When we catch up to her this episode, she’s heading to her car, and making every agent trailing her along the way. She soon realizes that those agents she made have all been waylaid. For a moment, I thought Blackout had returned from last episode, but it’s quickly revealed to May whose behind the agents being taken out. May quickly explains what’s going on with Coulson and company.

Speaking of Coulson, FitSimmons and Triplett, they’re very surprised when they return to Fury’s secret base only to find everyone gone. They review the tapes and see that May left first heading one way and then Skye and Ward left with the Bus heading the other way. But where is Koenig? FitzSimmons discover the answer to that question, as Fitz finds the “WARD IS HYDRA” scrawled on one of Koenig’s exterior mood photos just as Simmons finds Koenig’s body.

Fitz cannot bring himself to believe that Ward is Hyrdra. He bonded with Ward a lot when they went in the field together. He wants to believe Ward is still a good guy, to the point of questioning what they know about Triplett when Triplett tries calming Fitz down. Fitz makes his way through all five stages of grief fairly quickly, and focuses his anger at Ward in a positive direction, namely getting Skye back.

Speaking of Skye, she and Ward head to the diner where she first met Mike Peterson in the pilot episode. Skye claims that’s where the geolock on the drive can be opened. It’s interesting watching their conversations. On the one hand, it feels like it should be painfully obvious to Ward that Skye is onto her and to Skye that Ward knows she’s onto him, so the diner scene comes off like neither of them wanting to acknowledge it, though Skye sure does get close.

Up north at Fury’s base, ~~Nathan from Heroes~~ , Talbot arrives to arrest Coulson and company just as they’re about to take off to rescue Skye. Coulson gets the best line when he asks Talbot if his men are going to shoot him, because if they are, he’s not going to come out. How’d Talbot and the army find Coulson? Maria Hill led them there as part of her deal. Nice job, Hill. To Hill’s credit, once it’s revealed that Talbot is not going to go lightly on Coulson and his agents, Hill helps them escape. Man, Colbie Smulders is really good at fight scenes. Now that How I Met Your Mother has ended, I hope she becomes a regular fixture on this show.

In LA, Skye makes her move. The diner is filling up with cops, fast. Ward notices. Skye plays dumb, but then reveals that she alerted them to Ward’s presence and fugitive status on her laptop. Skye’s been playing Ward the whole time, as the geolock for the drive wasn’t this diner. I really liked when Skye called Ward a Nazi, and then backed it up by pointing out that Hydra was founded by the Red Skull, a Nazi. In the ensuing melee with the police, Skye bolts. Now hold on a second. Aren’t the LAPD a little more trigger happy than the cops shown here? Ward is taking out a room full of cops and none of them shoot him in even the leg? Come on…

Skye steals a police car. Just when she thinks she’s free, Deathlok literally drops in her. Ward and Deathlok return Skye to the Bus. Skye is ready to not tell them anything, until Deathlok induces a heart attack in Ward. Seeing Ward dying gets Skye to talk. Skye tells them that geolock has nothing to do with latitude or longitude, it’s all about altitude. I feel a Jimmy Buffet song coming on…

Actually, can we talk about Deathlok for a minute? I can’t figure this guy out. I get that Garrett is giving him commands in his eyeball all day, but he talks like he’s really into what he’s doing. I just don’t get Mike Peterson these days. There doesn’t seem to be any hesitation in him going along with the villains. I get that he wants to keep his son safe from harm, but you’d like there would be more internal dilemma here. Sure, Garrett is giving Mike commands, and sees through Mike’s eyes, but he can’t see if Mike were to gesture frantically at people or mouth something to them. I’d really love to get an episode told solely from Deathlok’s POV one day, or half told from the Agents’ POV and the other half showing the same events from Deathlok’s POV.

Hill, Coulson and company block their take-off, sort of. The bus can take off vertically, but Hill does threaten to blow them out of the sky if they take off. It’s a Mexican standoff, but Ward gets Hill to blink first, or so Ward thinks. Hill lets him take off, but this was all a distraction so that Coulson could sneak onto the Bus through the landing gear.

Once on the Bus, Coulson finds Skye, who ask him what his plan is for dealing with Deathlok. Coulson’s reaction? “Deathlok’s here?” Deathlok’s here. Coulson and Skye flee to the hanger and jump in Lola. Ward and Deathlok catch up to them and start firing. Ward is definitely trying to take off Coulson’s head. Coulson manages to open the cargo bay door and drop Lola from the Bus. Unfortunately, Lola’s thrusters are all out of whack from being shot at by Coulson and Deathlok. Skye almost goes flying out. Coulson: “I told you to buckle up!” Coulson is the best. Coulson manages to right Lola enough to drop it perfectly in a tight parallel parking spot near the valet outside the Ritz Carlton. Skye’s hair is hilarious, as is the valet nonchalantly asking them for $20. I really wish Rob Huebel played the valet in this scene, even if it was just for one line. Yes, yes, I know we already saw Huebel in the series in a previous episode. I just like the guy so much.

Skye’s free. Coulson has the team back together…yeah, minus Ward, but what can you do? Unfortunately, Maria Hill goes back to Stark. Coulson tells her to say hi for him, but then remembers that Stark still thinks Coulson is dead.

At the end of the episode, May lets a bombshell drop. She shows Coulson the video of who was in charge of TAHITI. It was Coulson! Coulson obviously has no recollection of this, but in the video, he advises Fury to shut down TAHITI. The program was initially devised for bringing back any of the Avengers if they should fall, but Coulson warned that the test subjects are too unstable. Huh, Coulson was in charge of TAHITI, and Fury used it to bring back Coulson even though Coulson warned him against using it. I feel like Coulson can still be mad at Fury if he wants to be.

Comic Book Connection:

Early in the episode, Maria Hill says, “I don’t know even know what a Man-Thing is.” Lucky for you, I do! Man-Thing is a Marvel comic book character created int he 1970s. It lives in the swamps of the Florida Everglades. Think Swamp Thing, but creepier looking…and less interesting. Unlike Swamp Thing, Man-Thing never speaks, making his stories a bit on the dull side in my opinion. Also unlike Swamp Thing, anything that knows fear burns at Man-Thing’s touch, like literally bursts into flames. There aren’t many things that don’t freak out when a giant swamp creature ambles in their direction.

June 8, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Game of Thrones – S4E9 – The Watchers on the Wall

Hi there, and welcome to another Game of Thrones recap. This recap has many spoilers for season 4, episode 9, The Watchers on the Wall. If you haven’t seen the episode yet, come back after you have. I’d hate to be the one to spoil things for you. A small caveat to new readers: forgive my use of nicknames. I use them to keep track of characters whose names I don’t remember. I have not read the books. If you have read the books, I ask that you not spoil future events on the show for those of us who haven’t. Okay, on with the recap!

It’s all Wall this episode. Wall to wall Wall, perhaps?

Last week, I wondered when we’d get to see the Wildlings attacking the Wall. I figured it would have to happen during the two last episodes or the onset of it would happen at the very last scene of the season. I didn’t think they they’d devote a whole episode to the Wildling attack. I’m not complaining. Yes, this episode was basically one giant fight scene, but it was one giant, AWESOME fight scene.

The fight doesn’t start immediately. At the start of the episode, Jon and Sam are atop the Wall on watch. Sam is pestering Jon to find out what sex is like. He figures since they’re all going to die in this Wildling attack, he’ll never find out for himself. Jon tries to play it off, but man, Sam will really not let this go. Jon tells Sam to get some sleep.

At the Wildling camp, Jon’s ex girl, Red, is ready to kill. Big Bald Scarface calls her out, saying that she’s still soft for Jon Snow. But Red says that not only will she kill Jon, but she’ll kill anyone who tries to kill him first. Unbeknownst to them, Gilly…or someone else up there holding a baby…sneaks past them.

Maester Heyman (sp?) walks in on Sam in the library. This maester is blind, right? Just checking. He looks blind. Sam’s looking something up. Oh, he’s looking up what Wildlings do when they kill people. Hasn’t Sam seen Wildlings in the flesh before? Does he really need to look this up? Maester Heyman says his real name is Eamon Targaryan. Whattttt? Did we know this already? So, he’s Dany’s great uncle, right? Was he the one who Grandma told Princess Low Cut about wooing back in the day?

Hey, that girl sneaking past the Wildlings before, it is Gilly! She’s trying to get in the gate, but the guy guarding the gate isn’t having it. Lucky for her, Sam is wandering by at this same moment. Basically, Sam gets the guy to open the gate by cursing. The guy’s never heard Sam curse before. Gilly’s inside. Sam takes her and the baby off somewhere to hide.

Up on the Wall, horns are blowing. Get ready for Fight Night, everyone. There’s an owl on the Wall. A bald Wildling is seeing through the owl, using the same trick Brann does. Baldy wakes up and says it’s time.

There are a few inspiring speeches this episode. Jon’s Jerk Boss gets to make one here. The guy’s a dick during peacetime, but he knows how to handle things once the firing starts. His troops are beyond nervous, but he barks them into line.

Sam stows Gilly in the meat locker. Gilly doesn’t want Sam to leave, but Sam gets all John Wayne on her and tells her that a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do (Alternatively, you could say he got all Dr. Horrible on her based on that line). Gilly and Sam kiss before Sam goes off to save the day.

Sam patrols with another crow that makes Sam look like the bravest man in Westeros. But sure enough, Sam talks up some courage into this coward.

Red spies the entrance to Castle Black and reports back. The Wildlings douse their campfire and rush the south gate. The huge Wildling army emerges from the treeline near the Wall. Whoa, they’ve got giants riding mammoths! Correction: they have one giant riding one mammoth, and another giant standing nearby. Still, that’s two giants and a mammoth. They’re all 3/3 and the mammoth has trample. Sorry, I was just flashing back to playing Magic: The Gathering in high school.

As the Wildlings attack the southern gate, Jon’s Jerk Boss leaves the Wall to confront them. Once he hits the courtyard, he gives another inspiring speech. This guy really is great in wartime. I kind of feel bad for not knowing his name and only referring to him as Jon’s Jerk Boss.

Red Beard takes out a bunch of crows as he makes it over the gate. Sam and his new cowardly friend retreat as everyone else there dies.

Up on the Wall, Jerk Face’s Second is freaking out. Jon’s BBFF (Bearded Best Friend Forever) tricks him into going down to the courtyard, leaving Jon in charge. Jon gets to shine here. He’s a natural leader and calm under immense pressure. The men shoot arrows and drop barrels Donkey Kong style on the Wildlings below.

Whoa! Giants shoot giant arrows, big enough to smash through a platform and send a man impaled on an arrow into the courtyard below. I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised that a giant would have a giant bow that shot giant arrows, but yes, I was surprised during that scene. That was one of the coolest scenes of the whole episode.

Sam’s new friend takes out one of the Wildlings with a crossbow. He’s psyched. It’s his first kill. Sam’s reaction is great. He deadpans, “Is it over? Well then.” His friend gets the message and lines up another shot…but is taken out with an arrow through the neck by Red. Damn, Red looks so bad ass when they show her here. She’s like a small, red headed, female John Rambo.

Red Beard and Jon’s Jerk Boss fight. It’s a good fight. Red Beard gets the better of him, but not before Jerk Boss gets some good shots in. Some crows manage to help the injured Jerk Boss escape with his life as he yells for his men to hold the gate.

Sam stays with his new bud until he dies. He then makes his way to the elevator to the top of the wall. A Wildling charges him, but Sam drops him with a crossbow bolt. The kid elevator operator is freaking out. Sam manages to calm him down and tells the kid to find a weapon and fight. The kid spies a bow.

Jon is surprised to see Sam atop the Wall. Sam gives him news of below. Jon puts another guy in charge and heads down. It’s kind of funny how quickly being in charge of the Wall’s top is being passed from man to man. This new guy in charge gets possibly the best line of the episode when he says, “Might as well enjoy our last night, right boys? Light the fuckers up!”

The two giants are getting ready to hitch their mammoth to the gate. The crows drop flaming barrels on the giants. Someone has really been studying his Donkey Kong. If the giants had read up on Donkey Kong tactics, they would have known to have a hammer on hand to take out these barrels. Side note, mammoths REALLY do not like being set on fire. Who knew?

One giant goes after the mammoth. That giant dies from the business end of a crow spear. The other giant is so pissed about his mammoth being on fire and his buddy being dead that he gets that crazy mom strength, you know, like when a mom can lift a car off her child, and lifts the gate up on his lonesome. Jon sends his BBFF and some men to hold the inner gate from that giant. They reach the inner gate just as the giant has made it past the outer gate. The giant charges them and the inner gate. They’re scared, but BBFF gets them fired up by having them chant their oaths.

Jon sends Sam to free Ghost. Jon tears through four Wildlings before the other crows even leave the elevator. As Sam runs from one side of the castle to another to free Ghost, we get a very cool, extended long shot that shows all the fighting going on in the castle, highlighting all the major players. Once free, Ghost tears through the Wildlings. I want a dire wolf so bad.

Big Bald Scarface spots Jon and it’s on. Man, they both want each other dead. This is another very cool one on one fight. During this fight, Red runs out of arrows. She scampers around, grabbing some. Scarface gains the advantage when he knocks Jon’s sword from his hand. Red spots Jon and Big Bald Scarface fighting. BBS slams Jon into an anvil face first and then throws him through a fire. Just when it looks like Jon might be done, Jon picks up a hammer and slams it into Scarface’s head. Pure Donkey Kong Playbook, my friends.

Red confronts Jon. She kneels 10 feet from him, with an arrow trained on him. Jon smiles at her. The briefest hint of a smile crosses her face before an arrow goes through her heart. Jon’s shocked. It’s that kid elevator operator, the one whom Sam told to get a weapon and fight who shot her. Red’s dying. Jon holds her. She says they should have stayed in that cave. Jon tries to comfort her by saying they’ll go back there. She says, “You know nothing Jon Snow,” and dies. “You know nothing, Jon Snow” is the “As you wish” of Game of Thrones. Despite the battle raging around him, Jon holds her one last time. Man, I was really hoping these two kids would get out of this together, like two young lovers in a Bruce Springsteen song.

Atop the Wall, the guy in charge yells for the men to “Drop the scythe!” Holy crap, that scythe is cool. It’s basically a giant metal ax on a chain that swings down, cleaving the ice on the Wall and everything else in its wake. After this, the Wildlings retreat. But as the guy in charge points out, the Wildlings still outnumber them 1,000 to 1.

Down below, Red Beard is full of arrows, but still raging. Jon tries to reason with him, but Red Beard still wants to fight. Like a scene out of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Red Beard swings his sword in defiance and Jon shoots him with a crossbow. Jon orders that Red Beard be locked up.

Sam and Gilly reunite. They’re totally going to do it.

The next day, the crows are cleaning up. Jon and Sam are walking together. Sam’s more upbeat than Jon is. I think Sam got some. Jon tells Sam his plan, which is find the Wildling commander, the one who organized all these war parties together, and kill him. Sam tells him it’s a bad idea, so Jon asks him if he has a better one. One their way to the gate, they find the body of BBFF, the other crows and the giant. Damn, I liked BBFF. But they held the line. Jon tells Sam to get some men and burn their dead brothers’ bodies. Once they reach the gate, Jon asks Sam to watch his sword, since he promised he wouldn’t lose it again. Why isn’t Jon taking Ghost with him? Ghost survived the battle, right? Ghost is not allowed to die off camera! Jon exits the gate, resigned to his fate. Sam tells him to come back alive.

One episode to go this season! I wonder if we’ll see Jon again next episode or if his story won’t pick up again until Season 5. Man, this has really been a great season!

June 5, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Game of Thrones – S4E8 – The Mountain and the Viper – Recap

This recap contains spoilers about Game of Thrones season 4 through episode 8, so if you’re not caught up, come back when you are. Comments are always welcome, however, I have not read the books, so if you have, please keep your knowledge of future events on the show to yourself. Thanks!

The episode starts at the best little whorehouse north of the wall, the one where Sam left Gilly. Things aren’t going well for Gilly. She’s trying to keep her head down, but one of the tougher looking whores (and local burp contest champion) gets in her face about her baby crying. Gilly’s saved from having to brawl with the Burp Queen by the arrival of the giant Wildling army. Okay, maybe saved isn’t the right word. The Wildlings literally cut through the entire town and whore house, killing everyone in sight. The ceilings are dripping blood from the floors above. Amazingly, this would not be the grossest visual in this episode.

Lucky for Gilly and her son, it’s Jon Snow’s ex who finds her hiding in a closet. Seeing the baby, she lets Gilly and her baby live. Man, you take the girl out of Dowling Gardens, but you can’t take the Dowling Gardens out of the girl…

At Castle Black, Sam is seriously distraught. He believes Gilly dead after the attack, and is inconsolable. One of his brother crows points out that Gilly has survived everything from Craster to a White Walker, so maybe she’s alive. This is enough to get Sam out of his funk. I wonder how much longer this Wildling army bit will be drawn out. Will will see their attack on Castle Black some time in the next two episodes? Or will the oncoming horde be the final scene of episode 10?

Over in Mereen, the men and women don’t bathe together…but they do bathe about 50 feet from each other with no barrier between them. Grey Worm, the captain of the Unsullied, is taking advantage of this, checking out Dany’s assistant. For those of you keeping score at home, I think this is the first time we see her topless. Captain Unsullied really likes to watch. I think he’s sullying himself. Dany’s assistant notices, and at first seems into it, but is then creeped out and covers up.

Okay, she was definitely creeped out, because she reports this incident to Dany. I would love for these two scenes to be featured in some company’s HR video. ‘Here’s how to respond to unwanted advances.” Dany’s a little confused about the incident though. She wonders how unsullied her men are, asking if they’ve had the pillar as well as the stones removed. Side note: I am now referring to my junk as the pillar and the stones.

Missandei and Grey Worm meet up, and they tell each other that they were both into it. Hey Missandei, he might not have a pillar, but he definitely has a pointer.

We cut to Rob Thomas and Reek, who are going through the “I am Theon Greyjoy” plan. Reek certainly looks like Theon again, minus the swagger. Reek approaches a fortress belonging to his father and announces himself. Once inside, Theon/Reek offers the captain the chance to live if they all surrender to Rob Thomas. The captain, who is not doing too well, spits some blood in Theon’s face over the offer and goes on about “Iron born this, iron born that,” and how they don’t surrender, and if he really was Theon Greyjoy, he’d know that. Reek’s veneer starts to crack, but his sales pitch is saved by one of the captain’s men putting an ax firmly in the captain’s head. The ax man is interested in this surrendering business. Oh sorry, ax man, you chose the wrong door. Behind the door marked surrender was your body flayed of its skin from the neck down. I think you’re also missing an eye or two (won’t be the last time this happens this episode). Better luck next time!

Up at the Aerie, Littlefinger is sitting before a tribunal in regards to Aunt Crazy’s death. Things aren’t going well for him. They call in Sansa as a witness, who announces she can lie no longer…and then proceeds to lie her ass off to help Littlefinger. Hey Littlefinger, you’re still in the courtroom! The tribunal can see you! Stop smiling so much!

Back in Mereen, Sir Barriston is given a sealed scroll. Whose mark is this on the wax? Do we know? The scroll is the royal pardon of Friend Zone signed by King Robert. Sir Barriston confronts Friend Zone about this and then immediately brings it to Dany’s attention. Things don’t go well for Friend Zone. It turns out that women are less impressed with you saving them from poisoned wine if you’re the guy who gave the information as to where the assassin should be in the first place. I think Tuesday Night Movies contributor Sarvenaz Tash put it best when she tweeted…

https://twitter.com/SarvenazTash/status/473286703877464065

Friend Zone leaves town like David Banner at the end of an episode of The Incredible Hulk. I kind of wish they played the Hulk’s closing credits music during this scene.

Back north, Rob Thomas gets what Jon Snow never got, an acknowledgement of some fatherly love. Praise Ned Stark all you want, but at the end of the day, Rob Thomas’s father let him drop Snow and take the family name. That said, he’ll always be Rob Thomas to me.

In the Aerie, Littlefinger is questioning Sansa as to why she helped him. He’s doing this in a Christian Bale Batman voice. Sansa does not answer with “Why so serious?” Instead, she lets Littlefinger know that his being alive is beneficial to her. Westeros look out! Sansa is being proactive!

Cleared of any wrongdoing, Littlefinger suggests that Robin be sent out into the lands around the Aerie, so that he can get a better understanding of the people and lands he will one day oversee. I see this going as well as when an animal raised in captivity is released into the wild.

Sansa enters the room where Littlefinger and Robin are. She’s wearing a new dress and walking with a new confidence. Just as Arya is turning into Mini-Hound, I feel Sansa is turning into Mini-Littlefinger.

Arya and the Hound complete their season long journey to the Aerie, just in time to find out that Aunt Crazy is dead. Arya’s reaction is priceless. She just laughs her ass off. I look forward to Arya and Sansa’s reunion. Both have grown as characters so much since they last saw each other. And do they each even think the other is alive?

Tyrion is visited by Jaime again. I won’t lie, as this scene was starting, I was looking at my watch. Other than Dany defriending Friendzone, this has been a fairly uneventful episode so far. But here it is, Tyrion’s trial by combat, ~~Inigo Montoya~~ the Red Viper vs. the Mountain!

I had a bad feeling about the Red Viper’s chances as soon as he told his lady friend that he didn’t plan on dying today. Anytime someone in Westeros announces that they don’t plan on dying that day, I feel that their chances of dying that day increase dramatically.

Wow, the Mountain is big, especially compared to the Red Viper. The Red Viper strikes an early advantage, slicing at the Mountain and dodging all of his blows. But the Red Viper doesn’t want to just win. He wants the Mountain to publicly admit that he raped and killed the Red Viper’s sister and murdered her children. Seriously, how does anyone not see the Inigo Montoya comparison during this scene? His “You raped her. You murdered her. You killed her children.” sounds so much like “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” I kept waiting for the Mountain to ask what the Red Viper wanted, and for his response to be, “I want my sister back, you son of a bitch.”

The original Red Viper.

Inigo is toying with the Mountain. He clearly wants to fight to the pain. People in the audience are very amused to see the underdog come out on top, especially Jaime Lannister.

When Big Red then wanted the Mountain to implicate Tywin Lannister as the person whose orders the Mountain was following when he raped and murdered his sister, I had a feeling the shit was definitely going to hit the fan. I thought Inigo might jump into the stands and kill Tywin in front of everyone. Instead the Mountain makes a comeback usually reserved for the Undertaker in WWE matches and pops Inigo 2.0’s head like a watermelon. When the Mountain was gouging Big Red’s eyes, all I could think was that it looked like pressing your thumbs into a cherry pie. It’s been a few days since I watched the episode and I both cannot get that scene out of my head and cannot bring myself to watch it again. I think I’d rather watch the Red Wedding again before watching this scene a second time. That said, enjoy it all you want below.

Have fun trying to fall asleep after watching this.

I thought maybe both Inigo and the Mountain would die, leading to a mistrial by combat, but it looks like the Mountain lived, because the episode ends with Tywin sentencing Tyrion to death.

Okay, Jaime, time to bust your brother out of jail and hit the road, Dukes of Hazzard style!

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