Gotham – S1E7 – Penguin’s Umbrella – Recap...

Ok, ok, where the crap have I been? I apologize that I’ve fallen behind on these recaps – I was out of town for work, then the holidays happened, then I decided I wanted to watch some better shows in my free time (have you guys seen The Flash? Holy cow you guys, it’s great! You should definitely watch that instead!) but all good things must come to and end: I promise that before next week’s episode airs we will be all caught up; we’re in this together, and I’m never letting you down again. When we last left Detectives Gordon and Bullock, the Penguin had shown up in the precinct, alive, just as Bullock and Gordon were about to become best friends forever! The episode starts with Penguin waddling down the street, smirking while his goons prevent regular people from getting in his way. We jump cut to Fish Mooney’s bar, where she is flipping out over the fact that Gordon did not in fact kill Penguin the way everyone had thought. She orders that he be brought to her alive. We find Gordon in the locker room at the precinct, leaving a voice mail for Barbara ordering her to run. As he shuts the door, Bullock straight-up pops him in the jaw and pulls a gun on him! Gordon pleads with him to let him live and to help him do…something. At the perfect moment, two Gotham City cops wander into the room, and Bullock tells them to “walk away,” which they do, because all of the cops here are horrible (except for one, maybe two, duh!) but Gordon takes that opportunity to grab Bullock’s gun and knock him to the ground. Gordon asks for his help again, and Bullock tells him “you...

Gotham – S1E3 – The Balloonman – Recap...

Hi everyone! This week’s episode of Gotham was pretty boring! Let’s get to it! We open on Penguin getting off a bus, wearing the clothes that belonged to one of the bros he killed in last week’s episode. Looking around, he sees the following: some kids taking a guy’s wallet, a cop taking a bribe, a guy stealing a lady’s purse, and another lady (?) propositioning a stranger in a car for sex. All on the same block. In daylight. Within like a one minute time span. I know that we’re being force fed the line that Gotham is a horrible place and needs a savior (a “knight,” if you will) to come clean it up, but geez Louise, why does anyone live here? Anyway, Penguin sees all of this, smirks, and says “home.” As he walks away, we see a newscast talking about a guy who stole people’s money via a pyramid scheme – we cut to the thief yelling at his lawyer, basically showing the audience that he’s a real bad guy. He walks out onto the street, where he’s confronted by a stranger in a pig mask (for a second I thought it was going to be Professor. Pyg from Grant Morrison’s Batman run) who attaches a large balloon to him, carrying him high above the city. Yeah. This is happening. Buckle up. After the opening title, we see Gordon and Bullock at the crime scene, where Bullock tells Gordon that the thief deserved what he got, just in case viewers at home were not aware that everyone in Gotham City is awful. Back at the police station, we’re introduced to Lt. Cranston, whose sole purpose is to talk about beating up suspects to remind us that Gotham’s police force is...

Gotham – S1E2 – Selina Kyle – Recap...

Last week, on Gotham, we were introduced to Detective Jim Gordon and his good-for-nothing-but-will-probably-end-up-having-a-heart-of-gold partner Harvey Bullock, along with nearly every single Batman Villain that’s ever existed. I think they’re saving Calendar Man for season two. Also, we met Bruce Wayne but he’s barely out of pre-school, so we’ve got a looooooong series ahead of us. This week’s episode opens with Bruce alone in Wayne Manor, holding his hand over a lit candle. He keeps putting his hand closer to the flame, I guess in an attempt to see how much of the pain he can withstand. Alfred comes in, gets really angry, then hugs him, telling him it will be all right. Spoiler alert: it won’t be. We cut to one of Gotham City’s many dark and scary alleys, where we find Catgirl batting a locket with her hand. Y’know, like a cat. There is a group of kids standing by a trashcan fire, which is the telltale sign of homeless people and/or hobos. A food truck pulls into the alley, and two overly-chipper people pop out to offer the kids some food. (One of the other kids yells to Catgirl, telling her she should come eat. He calls her “Cat.” Because the writers of this show want to make sure that there is no ambiguity about who this person is.) One of the food truck people, out of nowhere, starts jabbing the kids with a pen, immediately knocking them out. Catgirl runs away, as does another one of the homeless kids. Food Truck Guy gives chase, but is stopped by an older homeless person who comes out nowhere – Food Truck Guy shoots him and continues his chase. He catches up to the kid in front of a restaurant, and for a...