Game of Thrones – S5E10 – Mother’s Mercy – Recap...

The episodes opens with Vijayjay. She’s happy, the ice in the camp is melting. If an icicle melting doesn’t scream, “This was totally worth killing that child for,” I don’t know what does. Now that the storm is receding, Stannis can march on Winterfell. Vijayjay wants to kiss him, but he’s not interested. There’s something about murdering your only daughter that just takes the sex out of a relationship. Oh man, half of Stannis’s men deserted last night. Stannis was a hard man before, but he seems even harder now, like he’s made of stone. When one of his soldier arrives with news, Stannis commands him to “Speak up. It can’t be worse than mutiny.” Mrs. Stannis hung herself. Stannis’s reaction: “On to Winterfell.” Hard, I tell you. Jon is telling Sam about the army of the undead. “How many Valyrian Steel swords are left in the seven kingdoms?” Sam asks. “Not enough.” Jon responds. Sam wants to be sent with Gilly and the baby to the Citadel in Old Town to become a maester. But really, I get the feeling he wants to save the baby. But he makes a good case for sending him: he can learn things that will help in their fight against the White Walkers. Jon doesn’t want him to go, but allows it. When Sam tells him about Gilly riding the Sam train, Jon is perplexed and asks him, “You’ve just been beaten half to death. How did you?” Same gets the best line of the episode with “Very carefully.” Sam, Gilly and the baby depart. Jon’s number of friends in Castle Black keep dwindling. Stannis’s army marches. Winterfell is before them. The Boltons are getting ready for Stannis. Sansa uses the corkscrew from a couple of episodes back...

Game of Thrones – S5E9 – The Dance of Dragons – Recap...

The episode opens on Stannis’s camp. Smoky Vijayjay is spooked. Fires are breaking out everywhere. Is this some kind of vision? No, no, this is real. Ramsey apparently came with his 20 good men.  Davos wants to retreat. Between Ramsey’s sneak attack and the hard winter storm, they can’t press forward and soon will be snowed in and unable to retreat too.  Stannis says no. He commands to “Have the dead horses butchered for meat.” That sounds like the story of Stannis’s army, am I right? Jon and company return to the Wall. Thorne opens the gates. You can just tell that Thorne wants to kill every one of the wildlings and Jon too. Stannis is sending Davos to the Wall to command Jon to give him more troops. Davos wants to take Stannis’s family with him, especially Stannis’s daughter, but Stannis says “My family stays with me.” I wonder if deep down Davos knows what Stannis has planned for his own daughter, Shireen.  Davos visits Shireen before she leaves. She’s reading The Dance of Dragons. No spoilers, Shireen! I’m not up to that book yet! Jaime is brought before the Dornish prince. Myrcella, Trystane and Slutty Princess Leia are all there. I really need a new nickname for Slutty Princess Leia. She hasn’t worn anything remotely resembling Leia’s outfit from Jabba’s throne room all season. That said, if my life depended on knowing what her actual name is, I’d be as dead as the Red Viper. Jaime tells them about the threatening message they received in King’s Landing regarding his daughter-niece. The prince doesn’t want war. He proposes a toast to Tomlin. Leia dumps her wine. Jaime wants Bronn freed, but the prince leaves it up to Prince Trystane to decide Bronn’s fate,...

Game of Thrones – S5E8 – Hardhome – Recap...

The episode starts with Tyrion and Friend Zone standing before Dany. When Tyrion hears that she’s not a fan of Lannisters, he quickly points out that “I am the greatest Lannister killer of all time,” seeing as he killed his mother in childbirth and killed his father on the shitter. Tyrion clearly impresses Dany, who decides to keep him on as an advisor. His first job is to advise her on what to do with Friend Zone. While Jorah might not be happy with Tyrion’s decision that Dany should banish him, he did successfully keep Dany from killing her former Friend Zone. The grey scale is spreading on Friend Zone’s arm. I don’t think he’s long for this world. Hmmm, now that he’s been banished twice by Dany, Jorah may no longer qualify in his nickname of Friend Zone. Should I start calling him The Knight Formerly Known as Friend Zone? Cersei is alone in her cell. Wow, it didn’t take long for Cersei to look like shit. A Westerosi version of a nun brings Cersei some gruel. The nun wants her to confess. Cersei tells the nun that her face will be the last things that the nun sees before she dies. Remember kids, a Lannister always pays her debts. Arya is now Anna, an orphan. She’s telling Jaqen a story about buying and selling oysters. It’s an elaborate story, full of details. Arya becomes that oyster seller in real life. But more importantly, she becomes a spy down by the canal. She’s set to spy on The Thin Man, a crooked insurance broker who doesn’t pay out to families of dead sea captains. The Thin Man likes oysters. I think the Thin Man is going to die… A guy who I think is...

Game of Thrones – S5E7 – The Gift – Recap...

Hey there, and welcome to another recap of Game of Thrones! A few ground rules: 1) I have read the books only up to what would be the end of season 4 of the TV show, so please don’t comment with anything that happened in the books but has yet to happen in the show. 2) There are spoilers for Season 5, episode 7 and before in this recap. If you haven’t watched The Gift yet, come back when you have. 3) I like to give characters nicknames. And away we go… Is it me or are we opening on Castle Black a lot these days? Yes, I could go back and easily check my recaps to see if that’s true, but instead I’m just going to go with it and accept it as fact. Redbeard and Jon are in the courtyard. Jon releases Redbeard from his chains, so that Jon can accompany him north of the wall to recruit the remaining wildlings. Everyone, including the wildlings, thinks this is a bad idea. Sam might be the only one is Jon’s corner here. He gives Jon a pouch of dragon glass, and hopes Jon doesn’t need it. Jon leaves Thorne in charge. I’m sure this is going to end well. Later, Maester Aemon is being tended to by Gilly, Sam and baby Sam. Okay, baby Sam isn’t so much as tending to him, but he’s there. Maester Aemon doesn’t seem long for the world. He’s no longer sharp, and it appears like senility is setting in. When baby Sam laughs, Aemon smiles and says, “Egg laughed like that.” Oh, wait, no not egg, “Aeg.” He means Aegon, his younger brother, aka the Mad King. Aemon warns Sam and Gilly to take the baby south before...

Game of Thrones – S5E6 – Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken – Recap...

If you’ve never read one of my recaps before, a few things. I’ve read some of the books, but only up to A Storm of Swords. I don’t want to read past the TV show. I ask that you please respect that, and while I welcome comments, I ask that you please don’t spoil anything that hasn’t happened on the show yet. Also, please forgive my use of nicknames. They started because I couldn’t keep track of all the characters names, and my favorites have stuck. SPOILERS FOR GAME OF THRONES – SEASON 5, EPISODE 6 – UNBOWED, UNBENT, UNBROKEN FOLLOW. Proceed at your own risk. The episode opens on Arya cleaning a dead body in the House of Black and White. Some dudes take the body, and leave the door ajar behind them. Arya can’t help by try to look. That bitchy girl slams the door shut and tells  her to get to work. Arya wants to do more than clean dead bodies and tells the girl she’s ready to be tested again. The girl then gives Arya her back story. She’s the daughter of a Westeros lord as well. The story involves a wicked stepmother who attempted to kill her, and the girl’s own vengeance. Arya is really digging it, and you can see on her face that she’s thinking these two could be BFF. Oh wait, sorry Arya, she was just playing you. This girl is like the Heath Ledger Joker, when he would come up with a new story every time for how he got his smile. Later, Arya awakens to Jaqen asking her, “Who are you?” She answers, “Arya Stark.” He peppers her with more questions. Any time she lies, he can tell, and slaps her. Things get interesting...

Game of Thrones – S5E5 – Kill The Boy – Recap...

Hi everyone and welcome to my latest recap of Game of Thrones. These recaps do have spoilers for the episode and what has come so far on the TV show, so if you’re not caught up, and don’t want things ruined, please stop reading and come back when you’re good to go. Also, I’ve only read the first three books, which caught me up to the end of season four of the show. I have not read ahead of the show. While I definitely welcome comments, I merely ask that you not spoil things that have yet to happen on the show. I have a hard time with names, so I tend to give characters nicknames. Please forgive me for that. On that note, let’s get underway… Grey Worm is alive?!? Yes! I’m not going to lie, I thought he and Barry were dead at the end of the last episode. I am psyched that Grey Worm survived. Sadly, Ser Barry did not. While Grey Worm’s girlfriend tends to him, Dany is holding vigil over Ser Barry’s corpse. That dude who wanted the fighting pits reopened visits. Dany is ready to kill. She calls for the leaders of all of Mereen’s great families to be taken into custody. Fighting Pit Guy immediately realizes, “Hey, that’s me!” Once they’re all assembled, she leads them into a catacomb. Careful ye heads of Mereen’s great families, there be dragons here. Dany feeds one of the heads of the great families to her two dragons. She acts like Fighting Pit Guy is next, but when he responds bravely with “Valar Morghulis,” she changes her mind. She lets all the men live one more day. Why did she do this? Did she realize that her intimidation tactics weren’t working...

Game of Thrones – S5E4 – Sons of the Harpy – Recap...

If you’ve never read one of my recaps before, a few things. I’ve read some of the books, but only up to A Storm of Swords. I don’t want to read past the TV show. I ask that you please respect that, and while I welcome comments, I just ask that you don’t spoil anything that hasn’t happened on the show yet. Also, please forgive my use of nicknames. They started because I couldn’t keep track of all the characters names, and my favorites have continued because I love calling some characters by them. As the episode starts, Friend Zone steals a boat and rows away with Tyrion tied up onboard. Somewhere else, a bigger boat is sailing. Jamie asks the captain what island they’re passing. He has a moment of quiet reverie when the captain tells him it’s Tarth, the sapphire island. For those not keeping up at home, Brienne is from Tarth. Brienne and Jamie had developed a begrudging friendship when she was escorting Jaime back to King’s Landing. Jaime and Bronn are prepping to sneak into Dorne. Bronn asks Jaime why Jaime has to the one to free Princess Myrcella. When Jamie says Myrcella is his niece, Bronn gets brazen by asking, “Niece?” Oh Bronn, you rule. Bronn then points out that even if Myrcella is Jamie’s “niece,” it still doesn’t explain why Jamie Lannister has to be the one who frees her. Jamie almost quotes N*Sync when he responds, “It‘s gonna has to be me.” Bronn tells Jamie to give Tyrion his regards if he ever sees him again. Jaime’s response to that is, “He murdered my father. If I ever see him, I’ll split him in two. Then I’ll give him your regards.” Damn Jamie, that was cold blooded! In King’s Landing, the...

Game of Thrones – S5E3 – High Sparrow – Recap...

My recaps of Game of Thrones season 5 continue! The normal rules apply: 1.) I haven’t read past book three in the books, so please do not spoiler anything that has yet to happen in the show in your comments! 2.) Forgive my use of nicknames. I have hard time keeping characters names straight. Now, on with the recap! When the episode begins, we’re in a room filled with statues of all the gods. The face in the weirwood is here. Various aspects of the seven,  the burning heart. Arya is sweeping. Ah, we’re in the house with the black and white door. Jaqen is looking all Jesus Christ Superstar. I keep expecting him to break out into song. He doesn’t. Arya wants to train how to be an assassin, but Jaqen wants her to keep sweeping. It’s a very Mr. Myagi and Daniel-san relationship. In King’s Landing, Cersei is in a carriage being driven to Tomlin and Princess Low Cut’s wedding. The people outside think it’s Princess Low Cut in the carriage and shout Marjorie’s name. Cersei clearly isn’t enjoying that. I’m getting a very Wicked Queen from Snow White vibe from Cersei right now. If I was Princess Low Cut, I wouldn’t eat any apples offered to me by Cersei. Marjorie’s wedding dress does justice to her Princess Low Cut nickname. It’s definitely appreciated by Tomlin, who is horny as hell. After they’ve consumated their marriage, Tomlin basically tells Princess Low Cut that he’s DTF all day, every day. Marjorie immediately  uses Tomlin’s desire for her to her advantage, casually letting it slide that she thinks it would be a good idea for Cersei to move away. Cut to Tomlin telling his mom that he’s shipping her off to Casterly Rock…”for her own benefit.” Yeah,...

Game of Thrones – S5E2 – The House of Black and White – Recap...

Arya is sailing on her boat to Braavos. They sail under that giant statue of a titan that is one of my favorite parts of every Game of Thrones opening. The captain says that the titan defends Braavos. Arya is experienced enough to realize that statues don’t to defend anyone. When they arrive in Braavos, Arya is left in front of a building with a black and white door. An old black man opens the door. He turns Arya away, even after Arya presents her coin to him. After the black and white door is shut in her face, Arya throws her coin of the faceless man into the water. Pod and Brienne have stopped at an inn for some food. Sansa and Littlefinger are dining there. Littlefinger should promote a line of pub food called Littlefingers li’l chicken fingers, but I digress. Pod spots Littlefinger and Sansa. Brienne introduces herself, and it goes poorly. But Brienne’s frustrated with her quest, and isn’t going to let Littlefinger’s men get in the way of her and Sansa. In classic Pod fashion, he loses control of his horse and goes galloping away during the fight. This gives us more time to focus on Brienne’s sword fight, where she breaks her opponents sword in half with her own. Half of Ice is quite the sword. In King’s Landing, Cersei has summoned Jaime. When he arrives, she has him finger a box. Not that box, you perv! The box springs open to his touch and a menacing  viper is revealed. Wait, now I’m not even sure I’m talking about the box on the table or Cersei’s. The viper statue in the box on the table has their daughter Marcela’s necklace on it. It’s clearly a threat, in revenge for the...

Game of Thrones – S5E1 – The Wars to Come – Recap...

Like a corpse reanimated by the White Walkers, I’m back! Much has changed since my last Game of Thrones recap. I’ve read the books, well some of them. I’ve read the first three books in A Song of Ice and Fire. I’m now caught up in the books to the end of season 4 on the show. I didn’t want to read past the show, so normal rules apply: Please do not leave comments with spoilers for events that have happened in the books, but have not yet happened in the show. I watch Game of Thrones on HBO Go. We got a “Previously on Game of Thrones” for the first time ever on HBO Go this week, bringing up scenes from as far back as season 1, episode 1. Do the TV viewers always get a “Previously on…” or is this a new thing for everyone? I cannot tell you how excited I am that Game of Thrones is back. Even having Daredevil to take my mind off the return of Game of Thrones only worked so much. By Sunday morning, I was humming the opening theme to Game of Thrones, counting down the hours until 9 PM. I rewatched the final episode of last season. In the months between its first airing and my rewatching, I forgot how good an episode that is. But we’re not here to talk about the end of season four. We’re here to talk about the start of season five. The opening title sequence looks new. They made some changes, right? I need to watch each season’s title sequence one after the other. I feel like they’re different each season, but I can’t think of specific examples off the top of my head. Wait, Pentos. Is Pentos new...