I completely did not realize that Lucy Lawless was the new agent who was introduced and killed off last episode. I vaguely remember hearing that she was going to be on SHIELD this season, but man, I totally did not realize that was her. Man, we’re far away from the days of Xena: Warrior Princess…

But on with the show. This episode starts off pretty much when were last week left off. Two of the new agents are dead. May saves the new British agent. His name is Brit until I’m told otherwise. Well, she doesn’t really saves him. She tries to free him from the flipped over jeep, but he tells her to go after Creel. May motorcycles after Creel, but does give Brit a laser torch so that he can cut his way out. Unfortunately, just as he cuts his way free, the army shows up.

May chases Creel. Coulson is on the other end of her com and tells her not to engage. May questions his orders, but reluctantly pulls back. I really do love that the most bad-ass character on this show is a woman. May really is the Wolverine of the show. 

Back at the base, the Quinjet arrives with Skye and Triplett.  Am I the only one feeling a Trip-Skye-Ward love triangle? Last season, it looked like Trip was going to get between Fitz and Simmons, but this season, it looks like he’s good-Ward.

Coulson wants the Bus outfitted with the Quinjet’s cloaking hardware and tells Skye to put Mac on it. I’m assuming Mac is one of the new people? Skye tells Coulson that there were symbols on the McGuffin from last episode, and they match the symbols Coulson’s been drawing when he zones out.

Ah, Brit’s name is Lance Hunter. The solders that captured him drop him off in a field. Immediately after that, a helicopter lands and General Talbot gets out. That Talbot sure likes to make an entrance. He could have just as easily had his men just deliver Lance directly to him.

Skye is pissed at Simmons for bailing on Coulson’s team. Fitz shows up as she’s venting. Fitz is seriously out of it. He sounds like he’s on heavy duty painkillers. This scene just makes me think that man…I miss FitzSimmons.

Talbot wants Lance to sell out Coulson. It doesn’t look like he’s going to sell out, until he gets Talbot to agree to clear Harley (Harvey?) and give her a proper funeral. Harley is Lucy Lawless for those of you having an equally hard time of keeping track of the new characters names. So let me get this straight. Mercenary Lance is willing to sell out the living in order to help the dead…interesting.

Coulson is using one of those 3D computer monitor thingies where you swipe the air. He pulls up Agent Carter’s file and says “Hmmm,” as in “Hmmm, this could be a good spin off. Agent Carter coming in 2015 to ABC!” He sets a reminder to look out for the mystery weapon from last week the way I set reminders about where I parked my car.

Skye wants to head to the field. Coulson won’t let her go to the field. He’s worreid about Skye dying. She feels he’s being overprotective, but in his defense, between the end of last season and the start of this one, Coulson doesn’t have a great track record in keeping his people alive. Skye recommends that Coulson try yoga in order to relax. Coulson has his best line of the episode here, with  “I tried it, but I’m really not flexible.” So much subtext…

Fitz is still seeing imaginary Simmons. Amazingly, she’s still dressed like a prep school student. Why aren’t you imagining her in a bikini fitz?Imaginary Simmons points out that Absorbing Man’s DNA is just sitting there on the printer and tells him he should go check it out. Imaginary Simmons is like a very prim and proper devil sitting on Fitz’s shoulder.

Speaking of Creel, he’s in a diner. That weird metal from last week’s McGuffin messed up his powers. He keeps turning into that metal, but it looks pretty painful and cracks his skin. He’s rude to a waitress. I hope she isn’t expecting a tip from him. May is waiting outside for Creel. When she hears a scream, she rushes in. The waitress who touched Creel rots like Harley did last week, except it’s just her arm. Her whole body rots like she picked the wrong holy grail to drink from. Creel has kind of turned into the Grey Gargoyle. For those of you who don’t read comics, The Grey Gargoyle is a Hulk villain who can turn people to stone with a touch.

Coulson gets an alert. We cut to Triplett, who  meets up with Lance and take him to Coulson. Lance is not happy when Coulson blames Harley’s death on Harley. Lance tells Coulson he didn’t rat on him. I don’t exactly believe him. I don’t think Coulson does either.

Fitz analyzes the data on Creel. Simmons makes some suggestions. I’m actually likeing that Fitz’s smarts are coming through imaginary Simmons.

Creel gets in a truck where he keeps different objects. Huh, that’s a gool idea. Why didn’t the Absorbing Man in the comics ever do this. His powers are acting all wonky. He can’t absorb anything past his forearm. He gets a phone call from a Hydra guy sitting around dead bodies…it’s the dead bodies of the people Creel has touched, I’m guessing. So is this Hydra guy in SHIELD? The army? Or just working on his own?

Oh hey, Raina, aka the girl in the flower dress, is back. She’s trying to recruit Creel for something. She presents him with a ring. It’s carbide, a rare form of carbon found in stardust. 3x harder than diamond. And it can store energy. She’ll trade it for the obelisk from last week. As Creel threatens Raina, his powers act up again. He snatches the carbide from Flower dress and hops in his truck. Raina calls Coulson. Raina reveals that she no longer works for Hydra.

Fitz is trying to figure out the secret to stopping Creel and keeps saying “I didn’t design this today.” Mac deciphers what Fitz’s “I didn’t design this today” means. Mac is like his…mentor?

Creel meets with his Hydra backer. May, Lance and Skye are spying on him. That’s when Lance turns on them, stunning Skye and May and radioing to Talbot. Trip has a sniper rifle on Creel. Lance temporarily takes him out. Creel yoga breathes his power troubles away. Lance shoots a slow mo bullet at Creel that bounces off his alloy head. Creel gives chase. The Hydra dude looks around for the package with the obelisk, but Raina has grabbed it and it strutting away.

Creel is about to hit Lance with a killing blow when Coulson shows up and zaps him with Fitz’s device. It makes him go wonky and he turns to stone.

We cut to Lucy Laweless’s funeral. Lance watches from a far. He gets in the passenger side of a car. Oh wait, he just broke into a car. He puts a chain on the mirror. I think it belonged to Harley. Coulson does his best Batman by showing up out of nowhere. Coulson wants to recruit Lance…to sell Coulson out? Oh Phil, you so crazy.

Mac is working with Fitz some more. He brings up Simmon’s leaving to Fitz. Fitz’s brain does not like that.

Raina and Coulson talk. She talks about Garrett carving weird symbols after he injected himself with the alien blood that brought Coulson back from the grave. You know, the same Garrett who thought he had a star inside his head. Coulson is intrigued 

Coulson and May meet. Coulson takes out a sheet and a knife, takes off his shoes and starts digging his weird shapes into the wall again. What is going on with you, Phil? May just watches and take photos. Before this, May points out that Coulson hasn’t zoned out and carved in a while. So he’s let her in this part of him. Interesting.

Kyle McLauchin is Rainia’s new boss. According to IMDB, he’s also Skye’s dad! WTF!!! He has Raina toouch the obelisk. She doesn’t want to, on account of it killing people. But she does touch it. The obelisk doesn’t kill her. It just ligths up. According to Kyle, it “let “her live. She wants to know how it works. Kyle want Raina to get him Skye.

Coulson meets with Talbot. Talbot asks “Where’s Lance?” Coulson offers Talbot a deal. Talbot can have Creel wrapped in a stasis field bow. All Coulson wants is Talbot off his and his team’s back. Talbot decides instead that since Coulson is only one man, he can just arrest Coulson right now…except Coulson has the Bus back and it’s cloaked! And the Quinjet too! Coulson gets away. Oh man, Talbot, you just got Philled!