Ok, ok, where the crap have I been? I apologize that I’ve fallen behind on these recaps – I was out of town for work, then the holidays happened, then I decided I wanted to watch some better shows in my free time (have you guys seen The Flash? Holy cow you guys, it’s great! You should definitely watch that instead!) but all good things must come to and end: I promise that before next week’s episode airs we will be all caught up; we’re in this together, and I’m never letting you down again.
When we last left Detectives Gordon and Bullock, the Penguin had shown up in the precinct, alive, just as Bullock and Gordon were about to become best friends forever!
The episode starts with Penguin waddling down the street, smirking while his goons prevent regular people from getting in his way. We jump cut to Fish Mooney’s bar, where she is flipping out over the fact that Gordon did not in fact kill Penguin the way everyone had thought. She orders that he be brought to her alive.
We find Gordon in the locker room at the precinct, leaving a voice mail for Barbara ordering her to run. As he shuts the door, Bullock straight-up pops him in the jaw and pulls a gun on him! Gordon pleads with him to let him live and to help him do…something. At the perfect moment, two Gotham City cops wander into the room, and Bullock tells them to “walk away,” which they do, because all of the cops here are horrible (except for one, maybe two, duh!) but Gordon takes that opportunity to grab Bullock’s gun and knock him to the ground. Gordon asks for his help again, and Bullock tells him “you better hope you never see me again.”
Cut to Barbara’s apartment, where she’s staring at her (vibrating) phone, with a look of terror on her face – it’s because she’s surrounded by Fish Mooney’s guys! She asks the toughs what they want, and they are kind enough to recap the series (so far) for us! Now, whenever a TV show/movie/comic/book/life/etc. wants to show that a guy is “super bad,” the easiest (and laziest!) way is with an implied rape threat, so of course we get that here, but luckily Gordon comes stomping into his house with his gun drawn and puts a stop to it – shooting one of the toughs and pistol whipping the other! Whew! Gordon takes Barbara to a bus station, makes her leave, and tells her that if he does not come to join her that she should never return to Gotham. I bet she’ll be back in no time!
We cut over to Falcone doing something with a chicken while Mooney tells him that he has to have Gordon/Penguin/everyone killed. He tells her that Penguin is a “nobody” which, in case you didn’t catch it, is definitely some kind of foreshadowing, and tells Fish he will send one of his guys (“Victor”) to the police station to get Gordon.
At the station, we find Gordon telling Captain Essen that he’s going to arrest the mayor, Falcone, and a whole heap of other people in connection with the Penguin’s (non)murder, which prompts her to call him crazy – and rightfully so! Doesn’t he know that one man can’t make a difference in a city as corrupt as Gotham?! To prove this point, she tells him that no one will help her (including her!) and that he needs to leave town – he, of course, refuses. At that moment, Falcone’s guy Victor shows up with two gothy-spiky girls and starts to cause a ruckus in the station. He steps up on a desk and announces himself – his name is “Victor Zsasz” (because of course it is; why not throw him on the show, too?) and orders Gordon to come with him. In a hilarious scene, Gordon tells Mr. Zsasz to try to take him in when the room is filled with cops – Zsasz tells everyone to leave and totally do! It’s ridiculous! Gordon and Zsasz and the two ladies have a shoot-out – Gordon’s hit and runs down the stairs to the garage, bleeding. He’s hiding between cars, and is about to be caught, except a random uniform cop walks up – the girls shoot her, which gives Gordon a chance to run, except Zsasz sees him and shoots Gordon. He makes his way towards Gordon but at that exact moment Detectives Allen and Montoya pull up and rescue him. They leave the other cop, though, and Zsasz shoots her and carves a mark into his skin (it’s what he does!)
After some commercials, Gordon wakes up in some sort of medical place surrounded by rats in cages. A doctor tells him that he’s in a dissection lab, and he leaves, even though he shouldn’t because he was just shot a bunch of times. But he’s tough.
We cut to Fish telling Maroni that he has to give up Penguin, and rather than doing that, he has Penguin come out and apologize to her – which she disregards. Out on the sidewalk, we see Fish’s guy (I need to learn his name, but it’s the same guy that Gordon beat up earlier) pull up next to a group of nuns. He handcuffs them together, puts them in the middle of the street, and uses this as a distraction to stop one of Maroni’s moving trucks (I guess that’s something he does? Owns a moving company?) to give Maroni the message that he needs to hand over Penguin.
After some more commercials, we join Gordon and Montoya in a forest, where whe tells Gordon that she probably didn’t believe that he was telling the truth before because she used to make out with his girlfriend, which makes sense, y’know? Out of nowhere, Alfred jumps out, holding Allen and I swear that I had completely fogotten that this was a Batman show for a second. But of course the random forest they’re hiding in is near Wayne Manor. Alfred does a great Christian Bale Batman voice, by the way. Inside the mansion, Gordon introduces Allen and Montoya to Bruce, because, sure, why not, and tells him that he may not be able to find who killed the Waynes. Bruce tells him to stop treating him “like a child” except for he’s totally a little kid and hasn’t hit puberty yet so whatever. Gordon tells Bruce that if something happens to him, Montoya and Allen will take over the case. So now we’ve got all sorts of people hanging out with this little kid. Bruce hugs Gordon, which is…y’know, what? No. No. No. Next scene.
Next up, there’s some more gang shenaigans, this time from Maroni/Penguin’s side, except we find that Penguin is now taking some of Maroni’s guys under his wing (sorry/not sorry) for when he inevitably makes his move for his territory.
We cut to Maroni and Falcone (and Fish and Penguin and other people) meeting to call a cease fire, Falcone agrees to let Maroni keep Penguin, and Maroni gives Falcone a piece of land in Arkham, which doesn’t sit well with Mooney.
Back in Gordon’s apartment, he’s getting some guns together, like you do, when Bullock drops by, with a “lady of the night.” Bullock tells Gordon that he’s a “douchebag” but that he has “the moral high ground” and he’s decided that he’s going to “be on his team” (you guys you guys Bullock has a heart of gold you guys.) Gordon tells him of his plan to arrest the mayor and Falcone. Bullock then goes to “take care of something” which means that he’s going to pay a lady to have sex with him.
The next morning, Gordon busts up into the mayor’s limo and arrests him. Just like that! They go (in the mayor’s car because why not) to Falcone’s house, and arrest him, too! Seriously, that’s what happens: Bullock and Gordon go into a house full of armed thugs with no trouble! Falcone has the upper hand, though: he tells Gordon that Zsasz has Barbara (dun dun dun) because she came back to town. Gordon caves and Zsasz brings Barbara to them, and lets them go, with no one actually getting arrested or killed, because this is only the 7th episode.
After they leave, Falcone goes out to check on his chickens, and the Penguin walks up, prompting Falcone to reminisce on their first meeting, where it turns out that Penguin told Falcone he would just pretend to be on Maroni’s side! And that Fish and the Russian guy are doing it! A double cross!
Ok, we’re back into it. See you in a couple of days!
