We open on some dude that kinda looks like the Silver Fox from Mad Men, but with glasses. It’s not him. He’s a scotch collector. Seriously, he loves his scotch, going on and on about how he bought a case for $10 when he first enlisted and let it mature. “$10 seemed so expensive back then.” Wait a minute, I think this guys ages like Captain America, in that he doesn’t. He has a metronome going in his apartment. Metronomes signify evil, right? No upstanding sane person just has a metronome going all day, well no upstanding sane person outside of the music field, I mean. Oh, he has a woman strapped to some machinery and has her eyes forced open with wire. Okay, this is definitely not a good guy. I wonder if we’re looking at a character from Cap’s past or a new character for the show. He brainwashing a SHIELD agent named Agent 33. She’s adamant that she won’t break.
On a brighter note, Simmons is back! The real Simmons, I mean, not just the Fitz’s imaginary friend Simmons. Simmons’s intro really reminds me of the intro to Desmond on season two of Lost. On a side note, this song that’s playing during her reintroduction montage is God Help The Girl by God Help The Girl. I’ve really been digging this lately. You should check it out too.
Wait a minute…Simmons is working for Hydra?!! And they’re pretty blatant about putting their logo out and about, like “let’s hang a three foot version of our secret group’s logo on this wall” blatant.
May is teaching Skye how to shoot. Skye likes to pretend that the targets are all Ward. Skye is wearing a FitBit like bracelet to monitor her heart rate. Apple should have totally jumped on season two of SHIELD for branding their Applewatch. May warns Skye that “Experience doesn’t make it any easier to take someone out.” If you didn’t watch season one of SHIELD, Skye does a great job of summing it up for Lance in about 10 seconds.
Coulson returns to the base. Coulson was after Agent 33, but Hydra got to her first.
Simmons’s boss is total middle management. He’s getting on Simmons’s ass about needing some info for a presentation. Simmons glances at his folder and sees Donnie Gill’s photo. You might remember Donnie from such things as almost destroying the SHIELD Academy, aka SHIELDwarts, last season with his weather-machine/bomb.
Donnie’s now in Marrakesh. He trades fixing old radios for coffee. It’s a living. He also has ice powers. When the barista starts acting suspicious, Donnie freezes him solid. Two SHIELD (or Hydra…who can tell these days?) agents come out of hiding and ask him to stand down. He freezes one of them. The other runs off. Donnie freezes the guy so solidly that when he tips over, he shatters. Yet the guy’s phone doesn’t freeze and works fine. Here that, Apple?
Simmons comes home and hears someone in her apartment. She pulls out her gun and almost shoots Coulson. Coulson goes all Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on her fridge, and cooks her dinner as she fills him in. Coulson is both charming and shows excellent cooking skill in this scene. No wonder that cellist in Portland fell for him. Simmons is clearly glad to see Coulson. I’m clearly glad to see Simmons. She fills him in on Donnie, and how he’s basically Iceman now.
Back at the base, Coulson fills the team in on Hydra going after Gill. Interestingly, he goes out of his way not to say that it was Simmons who gave him the information. Look at Phil, keeping it close to the vest. Join my team and betray me once, shame on you. Join my team and betray me twice, shame on me. Fitz is asked about Gill. He suggests asking Simmons if they know how to contact her.
Skye misses the meeting, because she’s questioning Ward. He’s about to tell Skye about her dad when Skye cuts him off, asking Ward about how Hydra deals with recruiting gifted people. Ward explains that Hydra goes by the convince, capture or kill method.
In Casablanca, Donnie is wandering the docks. He uses his ice powers to freeze a a boat in place. Um, Donnie, it’s already anchored.
Simmons is taken upstairs by security. This can’t be good. They’re on to her. Even her boss is afraid for her. Simmons has to prove her loyalty to Hydra. She’s being questioned by the Silver Fox’s friend whose name I didn’t catch at the start of the episode. He accuses her of lying to them before the show cuts to commercial. Dun dun dun!
Back from the break, and Simmons is still being questioned. Donnie Gill is being referred to as Project: Blizzard. For you home-gamers, Blizzard is an Iron Man villain with ice powers. Simmons plays the part of the cold-hearted scientist to prove her loyalty to Hydra and separate herself from SHIELD.
Agent 33 is still being brainwashed by the Silver Fox. She’s trying to pry herself lose. She gets one hand free, but the Silver Fox catches her. She doesn’t have the willpower to fight back. Agent 33 is still trying to fight back, even if she can’t escape. The Silver Fox doesn’t even bother to re-restrain her.
Coulson’s team goes to investigate Donnie’s icecap around a boat, leaving Mac and Fitz behind. Mac suggests they use this time to work on Fitz. Mac is like the Sean Maguire to Fitz’s Will Hunting. It’s not your fault, Fitz. It’s not your fault.
Hydra and Simmons are heading to Gill too. Donnie wants to be left alone. He really likes freezing people. Donnie plans to kill every Hydra agent they send. Hydra sends Simmons. Don’t kill Simmons, Donnie!
Back at Coulson City (that’s what I’m now calling Coulson’s team’s base), Fitz is having a deep convo with imaginary Simmons. I love this episode. We’re getting double the Simmons! It’s funny how different season 1 (imaginary) Simmons and season 2 (real) Simmons dress. Fitz tells Simmons she’s not really here. He then heads to Ward’s cell to confront him. Fitz immediately can’t handle it and starts to have a breakdown. It’s not your fault, Fitz. It’s not your fault.
Coulson has an invisible jet! Take that, Wonder Woman!
Lance flirts with Skye as they gets ready to parachute with May out of the Bus. Everyone’s flirting with Skye…
Ward explains that he wasn’t trying to kill FitzSimmons when he dropped them in the ocean, he was trying to save them. Fitz shows Ward what hypoxia feels like by killing the oxygen in Ward’s cell. Oh boy. Ward warns Fitz about Donnie. Donnie is a trap! I think!
Simmons searches the ship for Donnie. She plays the “Hey, we hung out a SHIELDwarts that one time they you almost blew up the place” card.
May, Skye and Lance storm the boat. Skye gets the best line of the week when she tells Lance, “You don’t give the orders, Trainspotting.” His response: “I’m not Scottish.” They take out some Hydra agents. Elsewhere, Mac takes out some enemy soldiers in a video game. Fitz gets his attention by unplugging everything.
Simmons meets up with Donnie. She’s trying to recruit him for Hydra…because she doesn’t want to be shot…or frozen. Her Hydra handler gives Simmons something to tell him. It’s his brainwash program phrase. She repeats it to him a couple of times.
Fitz explains to Coulson that Donnie’s already been brainwashed by Hydra and they’re reactivating him. Lance has an open shot on the Hydra agent talking to Donnie. Don’t shoot, that’s Simmons! May shoots Lance, which ruins Lance’s shot and freaks Donnie out and ruins Lance’s shot. Donnie almost freezes Simmons. Simmons runs back to her Hydra boss, who patiently waits for Donnie. He tells Donnie his program phrase. It totally brainwashes Donnie. Donnie is now 100% Hydra. Simmons, her boss and the Hydra crew get to the chopper and Donnie is left behind to ice everyone else.
Lance tries shooting his way out of a frozen door. It doesn’t work. Ice is overtaking the ship when Skye takes out Donnie with a sniper rifle. He falls into the water and is encapsulated by ice Captain America style. Simmons saves her boss from another of Skye’s sniper rifle shot. That keeps Simmons’s cover maintained. Skye radios into Trip. They both know that Skye is under deep cover. I’m confused. I thought Skye was pissed at Simmons last week. Oooo, good one Skye. Way to be all secret agenty around your friends.
Skye asks May about Simmons. As it turns out, Skye did not know Simmons was undercover before the boat. May did though.
Coulson recovers a bunch of Hydra cargo. No one finds Gill’s body.
Coulson has it out with Fitz. Coulson knows he almost killed Ward. Fitz uses the “but I didn’t” excuse. Coulson tells Fitz about Simmons. Fitz asks if she wanted to leave. Coulson gives him a non-answer.
The Silver Fox is the new Hydra big shot. He asks Simmons’s boss who is in charge at SHIELD. He doesn’t know. Agent 33 walks in with some paperwork, which is in a Hydra logo embossed folder. Seriously guys, way to go on the whole secret organization stuff. Agent 33 is 100% Hydra. Simmon’s boss wants to bring Simmons upstairs to the top floor, and says that if she betrays them, they’ll brainwash her too.
Skye meets up with Ward. Ward tells her that he was never brainwashed. Ward also tells her that her dad is alive. Skye freaks and runs away. Her watch shows her heart rate spiking. And that’s it! Come back next episode…and buy a FitBit in the meantime, just like Skye!
