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At The Theater 2011 #2: Thor

If there is an award for the movie trailer that served its movie the least at next year’s Tuesdees, Thor’s trailer is definitely going to win. When I watched it during the Superbowl, I immediately thought “There’s a movie I can skip.” And I love comic books. Love them. Granted, I was never a big Thor fan, but the end of Iron Man 2 and knowing that Joss Whedon is directing the upcoming Avengers movie had me interested in seeing Thor. Until that trailer was released. The trailer for Thor makes it look as cheesy as a Kraft factory.

Anthony Hopkins is an awesome Odin.

But then a week before Thor was released, people who saw sneak previews of it started talking about how good it is. People whose opinion I respected were telling me to go see this movie. And all I could think was, “Really? This movie? No, clearly you mean some other Thor movie.”

They definitely didn’t mean this Thor movie.

Finally the praise that just kept getting stacked on top of more praise got to me and I grabbed a bunch of friends to go see it the Saturday night of opening weekend.
Quick math problem: A group of seven people are seeing Thor, a major summer blockbuster, at 9 PM on the Saturday night of its opening weekend. How early do you show up to the theater? Note: This is New York City; there aren’t any Arclights here where you can reserve your seats in advance. So, how early do you show up? 45 minutes early? An hour? We stopped for pizza on the way to the theater and showed up a little less than 30 minutes early.

I know. We were screwed. There was no way we were all sitting together, or if we were it was going to be in the first two rows.

Except, when we walked into the theater, there were four people in the theater. Four people! Four people! Is the recession that bad?

Some of you are thinking, “What? Four people? Impossible, I say!” A few of you though are thinking, “Oh, so you saw it at the Battery Park Regal?”

You guys, the Battery Park Regal is my new favorite theater. It’s clean. It’s empty. It’s really, really empty. No joke, all the Foursquare tips for the place are “Don’t tell people about how empty this movie theater is.” But I have to say something. Because I don’t want this movie theater to fail. So please go see a movie there. It’s the anti-Court. St.

This is about how crowded the theater was when we walked in.

Thor was great. I loved it. I’m not a huge Thor fan and I wondered how they would make him interesting. But they did. How? Slapstick. I was very surprised by how much slapstick comedy made its way into Thor, but I’m all for it. Maybe the Asgard scenes would have been more enjoyable if they had the level of slapstick that the Earth scenes did.

Still the best Thor movie.
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On The Couch 2011 #19: All-Star Superman

All-Star Superman has a sad story surrounding it. Screenwriter Duane McDuffie passed away the same week as the movie’s release. All-Star Superman wasn’t McDuffie’s first foray at writing Superman. If you enjoyed the Justice League Unlimited cartoon series on Cartoon Network, you can largely thank McDuffie for that. He wrote some of the best episodes in the series.

Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks voices Lois Lane and Desperate Housewives’s James Denton voices Superman.

In both terms of writing and animation, All-Star Superman is a great adaption of the comic book by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely. The animation has a very anime feel to it, and while not all of Morrison’s crazy ideas made the transition from comic book to screen, McDuffie and the animators remained very faithful.

For comparison’s sake, here’s a still from the animated movie…

…and Frank Quitely’s original comic book page.

I would still rank Batman: Under the Red Hood as the best of the DC direct to DVD line of animated features, but All-Star Superman is a close second. 
 
The only special feature on the disc I got from Netflix was trailers for other DC features. There wasn’t any cool history of comics documentary or in-depth interviews with the creators of All-Star Superman. Maybe those are on disc-2. Cursed by the special feature gods again!

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On The Couch 2011 #18: Rambo

The Rambo franchise is in competition with the Star Wars franchise for the Lifetime Achievement Award for Most Confusing Titles. You might think Rambo is the first movie in the franchise. Nope, it’s the fourth. The first movie with Rambo in the title is Rambo: First Blood Part II, a subtitle that was often dropped until the recent subtitle-less Rambo was released. The only title in the franchise that is clear is the much derided Rambo III. Say what you will about that movie, but it’s got III in the title and it’s the third movie of the series.

Rambo is as full of current over-the-top action movie cliches as Rambo III was for 1980s over-the-top action movie cliches. Yet, it’s Rambo III that Rambo fans will usually apologize for, while touting this one as “OH MY FUCKING GOD! IT’S SO BADASS!” The giant machine gun mowing ripping enemy soldiers in half is as silly as the Rambo lighting fire through his open wound scene in Rambo III. Sure, Rambo’s script doesn’t have the mysticism that romanticized John Rambo’s allies in Rambo III, but at the end of the day, that shooting fire through himself scene from Rambo III cannot be topped.

Seriously, what beats this?

What’s the most disappointing part of Rambo? Without a doubt, it’s the lack of Trautman. Sure, Richard Crenna died in 2003, and they did use flashbacks of Trautman talking to Rambo from First Blood, but it’s not the same. Trautman is favorite character in the Rambo series. He’s as flawed as Rambo. He was one of the few people who cared from Rambo, and at the same time manipulated Rambo when it benefited him. I would have liked to have seen Rambo reacting to the news of Trautman’s death. Maybe the minister travelling up river could have arrived with a recommendation letter from Trautman?

Speaking of Minister Michael, his character seemed to go through the biggest arc in Rambo. After first meeting John Rambo, Michael threatens to report Rambo for killing the pirates that were going to rape Sarah and kill Michael and the rest of his missionary group. He didn’t even say “Thank you for the whole us not dying there thing” before chastising Rambo. But by the end of the movie, he’s beating a soldier’s skull in with a rock.

I really enjoyed the ending, with John walking down the highway to his family homestead. But how awesome would it have been if Brian Dennehy drove up to him at this point and acted like a dick to him again? Just end the movie on Rambo’s eyes right there. They couldn’t even bring Dennehy on set for the day just to make this an alternate ending for the fans?

With the success of The Expendables, the newest Rocky and Rambo, I think it’s pretty safe to guess that if Sly Stallone wants to make another Rambo movie, aka Rambo II: First Blood Part V, it will get made.

My favorite Rambo movie remains Son of Rambow
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On The Couch 2011 #17: Chaos Theory

Ryan Reynolds gets his motivational speaker on in Chaos Theory, which I caught on Netflix instant streaming.

My least favorite part of Chaos Theory is the framing sequence used to bookend the movie. The framing sequence involves Old Man Ryan Reynolds giving some father-in-lawly advice to his soon-to-be son-in-law, making the main story of Chaos Theory the most fucked up piece of fatherly storytelling this side of How I Met Your Mother. It lets you know that everything worked out in the end for the characters in the main story, but it could have easily been cut. I blame the framing sequence for my inability to really get into the movie for awhile. At the same time, I really enjoyed the note card trick during it. If they could have dropped the framing sequence, but kept the note card trick, I’d be a happy movie watcher.

If you like your comedies on the darker side, you’ll probably enjoy Chaos Theory. Most of the humor comes from bad things happening to Ryan Reynolds. I enjoyed the movie, but it didn’t leave that big an impression on me. The most memorable part may be Sarah Chalke’s attempted seduction of Ryan Reynolds in his hotel room.

This scene at long last decides the Becky 1 vs. Becky 2 debate.
Chaos Theory: good not great. YMMV based on how much you’d like to see Sarah Chalke in her underthings and/or Ryan Reynolds with a beard.
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On The Couch 2011 #16: Rambo III

Rambo III is the Rambo movie that Rambo fans seem to apologize for when they tell you how amazing Rambo movies are. Except for my friend Nick, who has repeatedly claimed “Rambo III is awesome!” This is the same friend who told me I wasn’t a man until I had seen all of the Rambo movies. Well, Nick, I’m now 75% of a man.
Rambo III is definitely the most by-the-numbers of the first three Rambo movies. But I feel like the producers were just trying to give the audience what they wanted. I remember my schoolmates growing up telling me that First Blood sucked compared to Rambo. It’s like the producers were listening to this elementary school playground banter. Gone is the message about veterans’ rights from First Blood, replaced with more explosions, more bullets and more blood. This movie is like Rambo on steroids. Oh, wait…

Possibly the coolest/most ridiculous movie scene ever?

Three Rambo movies down, one to go. I can’t lie, Rambo III was the one I was least excited about watching, but it didn’t come across as badly as so many of Rambo loving fan friends warned. It’s definitely the weakest of the three, but it’s still much better than a lot of action movies from the 1980s. If you take it for what it is, you won’t be disappointed. How could you? Kurtwood Smith is in it!

Rambo III wasn’t even the most disappointing thing I watched that day. That would be the Mets losing to the Washington Nationals in their home opener. The Washington Nationals! Come on!

Bring on Rambo! I want to be a man the next time I hang out with Nick!

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On The Couch 2011 #15: Roman Holiday

Roman Holiday is a perfect example of a movie that makes me feel dumb after I’ve seen it. Not because the subject matter is tough to understand, it isn’t, but because I end up asking myself questions like “How have I never seen this before?” and “Why was this movie never even on my radar until recently?” and “This is Aubrey Hepburn’s first movie?”
I really had no idea this was Audrey Hepburn’s first movie. You wouldn’t think watching it. She comes across as a completely seasoned professional throughout the entire movie.

First movie? Seriously?

Roman Holiday should be used to bolster Gregory Peck’s nomination if anyone holds a Most Charming Leading Man Ever competition. While watching Roman Holiday, I couldn’t help but wish I had the effortless charm that Peck has on display constantly throughout the movie.

Peck’s charm even comes through in still photos.
Okay, time to stop swooning over Gregory Peck.

Italy is definitely a co-star in Roman Holiday. If I were in charge of the Italian tourism bureau, I would be mailing copies of this DVD to anyone who ever inquired about vacationing in Italy.

Ah, the old “ancient stone face has my hand” trick. Works every time…

I feel like Roman Holiday isn’t talked about as much as other movies by Hepburn or Peck, which is a major oversight. It’s a romantic comedy that works on every level and deserves to be seen by more people. I give it my highest possible recommendation.

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On The Couch 2011 #14: Hairspray

I loved the new version of Hairspray. I never saw the original Hairspray, so any comparison with that and this musical version will have to wait for another day.

The John Waters cameo in the beginning was very cool. Like I said, I never saw the original, so I don’t know why this cameo mattered to me, but it seemed like he was giving this new version his blessing by doing it.

When this Hairspray first came out, all the hype surrounding seemed to be over John Travolta in a dress and a fat suit. Did this move get anyone to go see Hairspray? I’m guessing the cheese-factor of it kept more than a few people away, which is a shame, because it’s a really good movie.

Wow, who knew James Marsden was so dreamy? As Cyclops in X-Men, he had to hide his two best features: his winning smile behind Cyclops’s countenance and his bright blue eyes under that ruby red visor. For anyone keeping score, James Marsden > Zac Efron.

The always-smiling Mars.

I kind of want to own this DVD, if only for the “Learn the Dances of Hairspray” bonus feature. I really want to break out Peyton Place After Midnight at the next wedding I attend.

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On The Couch 2011 #13: Eclipse

I remember watching a cartoon as a kid where someone throws a boomerang at someone else. The boomerang misses, the target gloats and inevitably gets hit in the back of the head by the returning boomerang. I can’t pin this scene down to a specific cartoon because I think it happened in every cartoon that involves a boomerang. But this scene is like me and Eclipse. I dodged Eclipse at the theater in the 52 movies in 52 weeks quest of 2010, but the Eclipserang smacked me in the back of the head on its DVD release.

I will say this about Eclipse; it is definitely the best Twilight movie yet. The plot is very similar to X2. The Cullens (Brotherhood of Evil Mutants) and Jacob’s tribe (X-Men) have to team up to stop a common enemy, the hipster vampire army (Stryker). That said, if it comes down to it, choose X2 over Eclipse every time. Every. Time.

Watch this instead.

Does anyone else find it weird that the vampire that looked like a constipated Austin Scarlett from season one of Project Runway and seemed functionally retarded in the first movie turns out to be a Civil War era MMA badass?

Some of you vill be in…and some of you vill be out.

After I saw the first Twilight movie, I had a realization that all the Edward-maniacs have no problem overlooking, that the Cullens are a bunch of racists. They hate Native Americans big time. This point is further backed up in the second movie, where Edward and company continually talk smack on Jacob’s people, how bad they smell, etc. Sure, Team Edward will tell you it’s not because they’re Native Americans, but because they’re werewolves that Ku Klux Cullen hates them so much. But when every werewolf in the movie is a Native American (and vice versa), that seems as good an argument as “But my best friend is black.” The Cullens’ racism is less overt in this installment, until you find out that Austin Scarlett used to be Johnny Reb; the ironic part being that Austin Scarlett seems to be the vampire coolest about working with the wolves. It’s nice to see that he’s reformed, and has found a good laxative.

I think it would be a great move if the Twilight producers scrap whatever is in the fourth Twilight book and just make the next movie about Austin Scarlett’s badass vampire twin. Have him and Jacob team up and go on a cross country ass-kicking tour. Maybe Austin could design a new outfit for Jacob after convincing him that the no shirt and denim shorts make him look like a 1980s wrestler.

Can someone explain to me the whole naming process behind the Twilight books and movies? Are they thematic, or are they just random phrases about the night sky that sound nice? Now that Stephanie Meyer has hit dawn with her last title, may I suggest The Twilight Saga: Double Rainbow as the title of book five?

Oh, and Team Jacob all the way.

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At The Theater 2011 #1: Happythankyoumoreplease

I saw 52 movies in the movie theater last year and I’m just getting to the movie theater for the first time this year! How is that possible? This has been a seriously long break from the theater. Except for taking in The Fighter for a second time (because The Fighter is that good), catching a free screening of Happythankyoumoreplease at the Angelika was the first time I’ve been to a movie theater since seeing Tangled on New Year’s Eve. That’s 62 days without seeing a new movie! The only good movies out at the beginning of this year seemed to be the best of last year, so it doesn’t look like I’ve missed much.
The poster and trailer for Happythankyoumoreplease couldn’t have tried harder to get me to think this movie should have been titled Garden State 2: Across the Hudson. Written, directed and starring the lead actor of a popular sitcom? Check. A soundtrack heavy on indie music? Check. A protagonist that needs to find his way in the world as well as his true love? Double check.

But watching Happythankyoumoreplease, it becomes apparent that the similarities between it and Garden State are mostly superficial. This news will either be a cause of joy or sorrow for you, depending on your view of Garden State, a movie which I’ve noticed people tend to have only extreme feelings about.

I enjoyed Happythankyoumoreplease, but my main complaint about the movie is that I felt that it would have worked better if it wasn’t an ensemble piece. The most interesting storylines in Happythankyoumoreplease are Josh Radnor’s character Sam’s relationships with prospective love Mississippi (Kate Mara) and with pseudo-little brother Rasheen (Michael Algieri). If these are the A and B stories of the movie, then I would call the Annie (Malin Akerman) and Sam #2 (Tony Hale) love story the C storyline and the Mary Catherine (Zoe Kazan) and Carlos (Pablo Schreiber) story the D story.

Malin Akerman proves she doesn’t need hair to be pretty.

Normally, I’m fine with ensemble movies and TV shows about three couples (Traffic Light and Perfect Couples are two of my favorite new shows), but I think the addition of the fourth story on top of them is just too much. Out of the four storylines, I thought that the Mary Catherine/Carlos story could have been cut. At the same time, I thought Zoe Kazan was great in this movie, and some of the best dialogue appears here, specifically Mary Catherine’s and Carlos’s New York vs. Los Angeles argument.

During that NY vs. LA argument and at some other points in Happythankyoumoreplease, I couldn’t help but think that the characters were soliloquizing Josh Radnor’s thoughts on life. But without access to Josh Radnor, that’s just theorizing on my part.

But we’ve all heard the NY vs. LA argument before, either in movies or conversations with our friends, so dropping that in favor of giving more time to the movie’s most unique story, Sam’s accidental and illegal adoption of Rasheen.

LA’s trump card: The Double-Double.

Another argument to drop the D storyline is that it costs Kate Mara screen time, who I thought was the best part of Happythankyoumoreplease. She played her character Mississippi with a combination of hope and world weariness that I’ve seen all too often among anyone in New York with dreams for themselves that haven’t been delivered yet.

happythankyoumorekatemaraplease

Josh Radnor’s sitcom, How I Met Your Mother, is often shortened to HIMYM in print and I have a feeling that he’s going to become part of another acronym with HTYMP. Let’s end this era of initializing titles. When you buy a ticket for Happythankyoumoreplease, be sure to say the whole title, and say it without any spaces between the words as author Josh Radnor intended.

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On The Couch 2011 #12: The Kids Are All Right

With mere hours to go before the Academy Awards, I sat down on the couch to watch The Kids Are All Right. This movie is alright, with some really funny scenes that had me laughing loudly.

But at the same time, The Kids Are All Right is a strong early contender for next year’s Tuesdee for Most Overrated Movie. This film is why The Town didn’t score a nomination? Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t think this movie was Greenberg bad. I just didn’t think it was nearly as good a movie as the other Best Picture nominees.

I also feel that Annette Bening’s performance was extremely over hyped. She was good, but I don’t see what was so special about her performance that she was considered a possible spoiler for Natalie Portman taking home the Best Actress award on Oscar night.

Someone who did earn his nomination was Mark Ruffalo, who remains awesome. I would like to one day make a movie with Mark Ruffalo, J.K. Simmons and Stanley Tucci. Roof, J/K and The Tooch in one movie would be the trifecta of supporting actors.

The Ruf continues to be on fire!