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2011 New York Comic Con: Thursday & Friday Panels

Unless I get my hands on a time turner, there’s no way I’m making it to every panel on this list. But here are the ones that I think look cool.

Thursday:

My pass doesn’t get me through the door on Thursday until 4 PM and all but one panel happen before that time. If you’re interested in working in 3D, the one panel after 4 PM is the panel for you, otherwise…

Friday:

10:45 AM – 11:45 AM – Zombies, Fallen Angels and Other Paranormals Give New Meaning To

I don’t actually have much interest in this panel, but damn it, they’ve piqued my curiosity by not telling us what zombies, fallen angels and other paranormals give new meaning to! I suddenly need to know! It could be anything! For all I know the answer is Sour Patch Kids! Sure, it’s probably not Sour Patch Kids, but I’ll never know unless I go. I hope they give out free Sour Patch Kids.

11:00 AM – 12:00 PM – Locke & Key Pilot Screening

Competing with finding out what zombies give new meaning to is the Locke & Key Pilot screening. Word on the street is that it is good. If I make it to this, expect a review on the blog.

12:45 PM – 1:15 PM  – Wand Dueling

I’m heading to a Harry Potter themed costume party later this month. This panel might give me the skills I need to take home the party’s Tri-Wizard Cup. This should be interesting. When Star Wars fans have lightsaber battles, they’re basically sword fighting. But is this just going to involve people 20 feet apart pointing at each other?

1:15 PM – 2:15 PM – DC ALL ACCESS: Batman

Last month, DC Comics relaunched all of their series with new #1s.  Bruce Wayne is still Batman, but he’s not the same Bruce Wayne that was in the comics two months ago. Confusing? They actually did this to make comics less confusing. If you like Batman, this is the panel for you. Both the writer and artist of Batman, Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo will be on this panel, as well as other creators from the Bat-comics franchise. I recommend leaving before Q&A, unless you want to hear questions along the lines of “Does this story still count?” and fanboy rage when the answer is “No.” I take that back, stay for the Q&A.

2:30 PM – 3:30 PM is Breaking Into Comics the Marvel Way

They’re going to tell you to get published somewhere else first. So instead, head to…

3:00 PM – 4:00 PM – DC Universe Animated Original Movies Gives an Early Look at Batman: Year One, Catwoman & Justice League: Doom

Bruce Timm and Kevin Conroy will be on hand, and they’ll be going over the upcoming DCU animated movies. The DC animated movies have been getting better each year. This should be good.

3:45 – 4:45 – Joe Simon: My Life in Comics

Joe Simon co-created Captain America  and he knew Stan Lee as a teenager. He’s turning 98 a couple of days before NYCC. What he has to say, no matter what it is, should be interesting to listen to.

4:00 PM – 5:00 PM – Star Wars Crafts With Bonnie Burton

Finally, my love for Star Wars can meet my love for Martha Stewart!

5:00 PM – 6 PM – DC ALL ACCESS: Green Lantern

All three writers of the Green Lantern books, Geoff Johns, Peter Tomasi and Tony Bedard are going to be there. This is a can’t miss for any GL fan.

5:15 PM – 6:00 PM – Robot Chicken

If I’m not at the Green Lantern panel, I will be here. Seth Green, Zeb Wells, Doug Goldstein and Matthew Senreich will be previewing season 5.5. What does this and the Green Lantern panel have to conflict???

6:15 PM – 7:15 PM – MARVEL: Amazing Spider-Man

If you’re into Spider-Man or getting your grubby hands on a con exclusive Daredevil pin, see you here (I am into both those things)!

7:00 PM – 9:30 PM – Jay and Silent Bob Get Old

I watched Clerks, Mallrats and Chasing Amy repeatedly and religiously in college. Tickets for Jay and Silent Bob Get Old are still available as of this writing here. I may have to buy one.

7:30 PM – 8:30 PM – IGN Podcast Beyond Gives You Free Sh1t (Live Podcast)

If you don’t want to shell out the money for the Jay and Silent Bob podcast, you can get free sh1t at this one. It looks fun.

7:30 PM – 8:30 PM – Mark Hamill Spotlight

PRO: It won’t cost you $100 to hear Mark Hamill speak.
CON: He may be talking more about his new comic at Dark Horse than Star Wars or Batman: The Animated Series.

7:45 PM – 9:45 PM – NYCC Charity Auction

Help them help the kids! Plus, the line-up of artists who have already donated looks amazing. Win-win!

8:45 – 10:00 PM – Pizza Man

They’re not showing the entire movie, just a preview, but a pizza delivering superhero sounds like the making of a cult classic! Plus, Frankie Muniz and Diamond Dallas Page will be on hand. DDP!

That’s it for Thursday and Friday. Did I miss any interesting looking panels? Let me know!

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2011 New York Comic Con Exclusives

New York Comic Con is right around the corner, happening October 13-16, and Tuesday Night Movies will be there for all four days of the con!

There are going to be a lot of exclusive merchandise available at NYCC this year. Here is some of the cooler looking swag.

Dexter Action Figure (Entertainment Earth)

I’ve never watched Dexter. I know, I know, how could I not, everyone asks me. There’s just so many hours in the day. I’ll get around to it. But if you’re a fan of the show, and that seems to be anyone who has ever seen it, this could be the toy for you.

How likely will I buy it? No chance. I mean, I should see the show first, right?

Deadpool Corps Minimates (Diamond Select)

What’s better than one Deadpool Minimate? Five of them! Especially when one is just a zombified head with a propeller attached to it!

How likely will I buy it? Maybe as a gift for my brother, otherwise not likely.

Doctor Who TARDIS Bobblehead (Entertainment Earth)

It makes TARDIS sounds! I might have to buy this. I might not be only Tuesday Night Movies contributor buying this at NYCC.

How likely will I buy it? IT MAKES TARDIS SOUNDS!

Doctor Who TARDIS Lunchbox (Entertainment Earth)

It does not make TARDIS sounds. But it will hold your lunch.

How likely will I buy it? If it made TARDIS sounds, I would be saying WANT right here. How cool would it be to hear the TARDIS sound every time you took out your lunch?

Dr. Who The Fourth Doctor Action Figure

Tom Baker in 8 inches of glory. Check out that hair. Check out that scarf. When I was teen working at my local library, Tom Baker was my only exposure to Doctor Who, when I had to shelve books with his likeness on it in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy section. I never saw a Tom Baker Doctor Who episode, so I won’t be buying this. But check out that scarf.

How likely will I buy it? I have no reason to own this. My Doctor is Chris Eccleston. I would buy a life size version of The Fourth Doctor’s scarf, though.

Twilight Zone Bob Wilson/Don Carter (William Shatner) Action Figure (Entertainment Earth)

I love The Twilight Zone. Two of favorite episodes starred William Shatner: Nightmare at 20,000 Feet and Nick of Time. With this action figure, you can recreate both episodes…if you know, make a scale model airplane or diner.

How likely will I buy it? I don’t own any Shatner dolls. No need to start now. But if they made a talking toy of the fortune telling machine in Nick of Time, I would…be too afraid to buy it, or even look at it.

Venture Bros. Rusty and Jonas Venture Sr. Action Figure Set (Entertainment Earth)

Entertainment Earth is bringing a lot of cool stuff to NYCC. If you like Venture Bros, this is doubly awesome: two action figures and a lunch box (Is that triply awesome?).

How likely will I buy it? I’m still working my way through season one of Venture Bros, so it’s safe to say…no chance.

Batman Arkham City The Joker (Sickened Variant) Action Figure (Graphitti Designs)

If you want this action figure, you’ll need to wait in line for a wrist band, then wait on another line to buy the figure. If you like waiting on lines as much as you like The Joker, how can you pass this up?

How likely will I buy it? I have to wait on how many lines to own this? Yeah, no thanks.

Batman Mez-Itz Mega Scale Action Figure (Mezco Toys)

If you’re buying that Joker action figure, you’re probably buying this as well. You also probably tell your friends how you’re the Batman of your group, with your keen intellect, tactical mind and sullen demeanor.

How likely will I buy this? Not for me. I find these Mez-Itz to be weird looking. Doesn’t Batman look like he has a paunch?

Thundercats Lion-O Mega Scale Action Figure (Mezco Toys)

This monster is 20 inches tall, has light up eyes, a claw shield and both short and long versions of the Sword of Omens.

How likely will I buy it? No chance at all. I just put it up here because one of my good friends is a huge Thundercats fan and I want to hear about how he short circuited his computer’s keyboard while drooling as he looked at this description.

Battlestar Galactica Toaster Necklace (Her Universe)

This one doesn’t excite me as much as it confuses me. Are the Cylons the evil toaster manufacturer of the BSG universe? Seriously, I don’t get this.

How likely will I buy it? Buy it? I don’t even understand it!

R2-Q5 and R2-A3 Star Wars Christmas Ornaments (Hallmark)

On second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…two R2 units.

How likely will I buy it? I’m dreaming of a Star Wars Christmas…

Star Trek USS Defiant Christmas Ornament (Hallmark)

Maybe you’re more Star Trek than Star Wars. Don’t worry, Hallmark will take your money too.

How likely will I buy it? In my world, Star Wars > Star Trek.

Compound Hulk Action Figure (Hasbro)

Call me old fashioned, but Compound Hulk has nothing on Composite Superman. But it does unintentionally look like a Christmas decoration with all that red and green, so I’m listing it right after the ornaments.

How likely will I buy it? Me no like Hulk color blindness test toy.

R2-Q5 PS3 (Major League Mods)

Whoa, okay forget that R2 Christmas ornament. This might be the coolest thing debuting at NYCC. It’s an R2 droid that IS ALSO AN PS3 AND PROJECTOR. Hot damn. Major League Mods is also having a raffle to win an R2-D2 X-Box 360. If you need to find me at the con, I’ll be the guy wiping drool off his chin at this booth.

How likely will I buy it? I’m guessing this will be serious $$$, so I won’t be buying it. But I will be admiring it, no doubt and looking jealously at anyone who buys it in my presence.

Luke Skywalker Metallix Print (Official Pix)

This thing’s $30 and if you’re going to get Mark Hamill to sign something, it does look pretty cool. However, Mark Hamill’s autograph is $100 (!). Too rich for my blood.

How likely will I buy it? I once paid for Carrie Fischer’s autograph. It was much less than $100, she wrote “Love to you” on my DVD and Mark Hamill just doesn’t look as good in a gold bikini, or so I’m told.

8 Bit Mogo Button (Victor Dandridge)

This 8 Bit Mogo button is adorable. You have to win an 8 Bit Challenge contest to take it home. What’s that involve? I have no idea. But I plan on finding out.

How likely will I buy it? It sounds like you can’t buy this, but if there’s not a huge crowd at this booth, I’ll definitely try to win one.

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On The Couch 2011 #25: The Company Men

During the manic movie-watching month that was December, 2010, I saw the preview for The Company Men numerous times at The Angelika and at Brooklyn Heights Cinema and I really wanted to see it. I planned on it being 1 of the final movies I saw in the year of the 52. Unfortunately, it wasn’t released in 2010. I eagerly anticipated its release in 2011 and somehow completely missed that it even came out in the theater. How long this movie play? One day? A full weekend? I swear I didn’t know it had been released until it was already out on DVD.

Needless to say, once I found out it was out, I moved it immediately to the top of my queue. Then it arrived and sat on next to my TV for about a month before I finally got around to watching it. That’s no fault of the movie. How many of you out there have experienced the same “excited to see this movie that ends up doubling as a mail away coaster for weeks” aka The Netflix Syndrome.

The Company Men is very good. This movie deserved to do well in the box office. Kevin Costner steals his scenes as Ben Affleck’s carpenter brother-in-law. Costner’s New England accent comes and goes, but he has some of the best lines in the movie.

While watching The Company Men, I realized that in every Ben Affleck movie, there is a point where he gives us what I call Affleck Face. It’s usually right after everything is going wrong for his character and then it suddenly all goes right. Here, it’s right after he has the interview of his life and meets up with his other out of work friends. They ask how the interview went, and Ben goes into full out Affleck Face. It’s a shit eating grin/smirk that can occupy the whole screen. It’s infectious. It is 100% confidence concentrate. It makes me as the viewer think nothing can go wrong for Affleck from there on out. It makes me as the viewer think that nothing can wrong for me from there on out. In The Boiler Room, Affleck even describes Affleck Face. How does Affleck Face smile? “From ear to ear, baby.”

Affleck Face

The Company Men is a movie for our times. It’s about people who have worked hard their whole lives, only to have the rug pulled out from them and get laid off, just so the company can boost its share price. It’s a movie that a lot of people in this economy can relate to. Maybe that’s why it didn’t do well. Maybe people can relate to this movie a little too well right now. If you’re out of work and can’t find a job, do you really want to escape from your troubles by watching a movie that hammers home how crappy the job market is right now? Maybe people didn’tt want to watch a guy who made $160,000 try to find a job when they made a quarter of that and need a job too.

Whatever your reason for not seeing The Company Men, see it. It’s good. And everyone could use more Affleck Face in their life.

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Summer’s End and the Movies I Missed

Summer’s over, and with it so is the summer blockbuster movie season. I caught some of the big ones, but managed to still miss out on movies that should be hitting us on DVD and Blu-Ray in time for the holidays. Movies like…

Green Lantern

How did I miss it? I love comic books. I mean I LOVE comic books. When it was announced that Green Lantern, currently one of my favorite comics, was coming to the big screen I was psyched. I thought they went with the wrong Two Guys & A Girl alum when they cast Ryan Reynolds over Nathan Fillion as Hal Jordan, but that didn’t sway my excitement. But then the movie came out. And the best review I heard of it was “It’s nowhere near as bad as Transformers 2.” That doesn’t inspire confidence.

Will I See It? I don’t know. I haven’t seen a lot of the less than great comic book movies out there (Fantastic Four 2, Ghost Rider, Punisher: No Mercy). But I’m more likely to see this than any of those.

Captain America

How did I miss it? Like I said, I love comic books. And I’ve been buying Captain America every month since writer Ed Brubaker started on the title a few years ago. Growing up, the Mark Gruenwald era of Captain America was one of my favorite comics. So how did I miss this movie? At the beginning of the summer, one of my closest friends complained about suffering from superhero movie fatigue. I thought he was nuts. But then Captain America came out and while it looked cool, I just didn’t have the desire to see it. After X-Men and Thor, maybe I OD’d on comic book movies. Or maybe Green Lantern just killed the idea of seeing a superhero movie for me this summer.

Will I see it? No doubt I’ll catch in on DVD. It does look good. I actually would have liked to see this in the theater.

Transformers 3:  Dark of the Moon

How did I miss it? Better question, how did anyone not miss this movie? After Transformers 2: Revenge of Fallen, anyone who went back to the theater to see Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon is like someone who goes back to their lying, abusive spouse. You know it’s a bad idea walking in and it’s not going to end well. Can we stop paying Shia LaBeouf to further ruin our beloved 1980s franchises?

Will I see it? Only if I lose a bet.

Horrible Bosses

How did I miss it? It was either Horrible Bosses or Midnight in Paris when we went to Reel Pizza in Bar Harbor this year. I was really happy with Midnight in Paris, so I can’t complain about missing Horrible Bosses. Sadly, once we got back from Bar Harbor, it was no longer playing at my neighborhood theater.

Will I see it? Definitely. Just looking at this poster makes me laugh.

The Help

How did I miss it? I heard the movie was great. I heard the book was great. I even bought the book for my mom for her birthday.  I just wasn’t that excited for it.

Will I see it? I might read the book first, but yes, I’m sure I’ll catch it at some point, either on DVD or TBS.

Crazy Stupid Love

How did I miss it? These large ensemble cast romantic comedies that have become popular over the last few years have made a lot of money for the studios, but have pretty much been movies worth avoiding, so I wasn’t excited to see Crazy Stupid Love despite Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone being in it.

Will I see it? After it was released, I heard it was good. So…yes.

Have you seen a movie that was awesome this summer that I haven’t blogged about? Let me know, as I’m always on the hunt for something good to see. Likewise, if you saw something I should avoid, I’d appreciate the warning.

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On The Couch 2011 #24: Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

The look on Anne Hathaway’s face in the poster for Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement isn’t a look of surprise about having to marry to obtain the throne, it’s a look directed at the movie’s viewer, asking “Are you sure you want to watch this? I’ve been in much better movies.” Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement should be shown in the classrooms of film schools around the country so that the future writers and directors of tomorrow can learn what to avoid when crafting their future projects. The jokes in the movie are the perfect storm of corny, dumb and over-explained.

I get that I’m not in the target audience for Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, but that doesn’t make it any less a terrible movie. There are plenty of movies that are aimed at children that can be enjoyed by adults, some even with Princess in their names (The Princess Bride, anyone?) so clearly it can be done. I wasn’t expecting to particularly like Princess Diaries 2, but I also wasn’t expecting to hate it this much either.

What’s remarkable about Princess Diaries 2 is the number of high quality actors it took to help make such a bad movie. Anne Hathaway, Julie Andrews, Hector Elizondo, John Rhys Davies and a very big-haired Chris Pine all share this stinker on their resume.

Trim that bush, Chris Pine!

Without a doubt, the best part of Princess Diaries 2 is Director Garry Marshall explaining during the deleted scenes of why he really liked a scene that wasn’t good enough to make it into this movie that is entirely made of scenes that aren’t good enough to make it into a movie.

Stanley Tucci is not in Princess Diaries 2, despite me thinking he was. But even The Tooch couldn’t make this a good movie. A better movie? Definitely. A good movie? Even The Tooch has his limits.

See this movie if you want to learn how not to write. Or if you have the Rifftrax. Or if you think I’m joking about how bad it is.

The only thing preventing me from ranking this lower than Wedding Daze on the list of movies I’ve seen this year is that Princess Diaries 2 had a song by Julie Andrews in it, her first since her throat surgery in 1997. Though the follow-up duet with Raven-Symone has me second guessing whether or not Wedding Daze was actually the worse movie.

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At The Theater 2011 #11: Conan the Barbarian

A teenage obsession with Magic: the Gathering and a friend who really liked the Arnold Schwarzenegger Conan the Barbarian led to me seeing the new Conan the Barbarian. The Rotten Tomatoes score of 24 had me not expected much. But I’m happy to say I enjoyed Conan the Barbarian. I don’t think it deserves its very low score of 24 on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s a fun summer blockbuster, though with its $10 million first weekend take, I guess blockbuster is the wrong choice of words. But I thought it was good. I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than I did 300. There were thankfully no extended slo-mo scenes in Conan like 300 used ad nauseum. If I had to choose between Conan and the upcoming Immortals, I’d definitely go with Conan, but maybe that has more to do with Immortals looking like they took 300 and changed the name to Immortals.

We saw the 2D version of Conan the Barbarian. From what I understand, only 20% of the 3D version is actually in 3D. While watching it in 2D, I couldn’t figure out where the 3D parts would be in the movie. Nothing really jumped out at me as an obvious choice.

I think what helped me like Conan was the amount of humor the movie had. It wasn’t as slapstick as Thor, but it had some funny lines throughout that helped make the movie more enjoyable. My favorite line is the movie came right after Conan was about to kill a particularly goblin-looking bad guy, but was stopped by his eventual love interest Tamara. Then the following exchange happens:

Bad guy: You lie, whore!
Tamara: (to Conan) You can kill him now.

There was some unintentional humor in the movie as well. Tamara and the other women who were being guarded by the monks all reminded me of Zoot and her compatriots that Galahad encounters in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I kept waiting for one of them to say “Bad, bad Zoot! Wicked, naughty Zoot.”

The other unintentional piece of humor in the film was Jason Mamoa’s resemblance to Brendan Fraser playing Encino Man during a few scenes in the movie. Basically any time Mamoa was looking up with his head facing down, he looked like Encino Man. I think he did this to look grim, but I just expected the Wuh-hees-el to jump out behind him. Actually, that would have been an awesome cameo, Pauly Shore in barbarian gear. Almost everyone else in the cast looks like they just stepped off the stage of an 80’s hair band concert; the Weasel might have fit right in.

Actual footage from Conan the Barbarian.

Mamoa is an awesome Conan though, and really feels like he’s the character brought to life. Besides just being freaking huge, he’s a good actor.

Rose McGowan plays the evil witch Marique. She looks very, very strange in this movie. Unfortunately, I don’t know how much of it is Marique and how much of it is her own botched plastic surgery. Anyone else see how strange she looked in Law & Order: SVU last season? It’s sad, because I used to have a huge crush on Rose McGowan. She used to be very pretty.

Note: This is not her Conan make-up. Rose, what happened?!?

At one point in Conan the Barbarian, our titular hero has to hunt down the bad guys who are holed up in Skull Cave, which to its credit, looks like a skull. I get the feeling that caves shaped like skulls are as common in Hyboria as Hudson News are in Penn Station. Maybe it would help to name your skull caves a little more specifically so that Conan doesn’t show up at the wrong Skull Cave, which causes him to fail to save the girl and stop the evil wizard, thus sending us into a dark age like no other. This particular skull cave had a water fall coming out of its lower jaw. Why not call it Drooling Skull Cave?

Conan the Barbarian is definitely very bloody. The movie begins with Conan literally being born on the battlefield. Later in the movie, Conan sticks his fingers into the cavity of where one of his adversary’s nose used to be. I cringed. It was awesome.

If you’re looking for a fun movie and like a bit of sword and sorcery mixed with your action, Conan the Barbarian may be the movie for you.s

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On The Couch 2011 #23: Young@Heart

Young@Heart hooked me right at the open. An elderly woman with a British accent is belting out The Clash’s Should I Stay or Should I Go almost as if it were spoken word poetry before being joined in at the chorus by the rest of her choir.

You haven’t heard “Should I Stay or Should I Go” until you’ve heard this lady sing it.

While watching Young@Heart, I couldn’t help but wish that I have the high levels of energy and enthusiasm that these senior citizens have on display throughout the entire film. Even when their choir director Bob picks a song for them that they don’t initially like, they jump into it, learn it and end up singing it in a way that I think any of the writers of the songs featured in the movie ever envisioned them being sung.

But man, Young@Heart is vicious movie. Unlike The Expendables, not everyone is makes it out of this documentary in the end. It was like watching Lost: as soon as I was really into one of the people in the movie, they died. The fact that these are real people and not characters made it even harder to accept. But Young@Heart turns the deaths in the movies into positive messages. At its core, the movie is about living life to its fullest, and picking up and carrying on when a loved one passes away.

I immediately gave this movie five stars after watching it. I kind of want some of the songs on my iPod as well.

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At The Theater 2011 #10: Midnight in Paris

Thankfully we were still in Bar Harbor when Midnight in Paris opened up at Reel Pizza. Woo-hoo! Another excuse to eat pizza and watch a movie in a theater. We didn’t line up early enough for Midnight in Paris. There was a sizable crowd outside the theater when we showed up, which unfortunately meant our group of five would have to split up. Fortunately, it meant that we could make use of the couches in the first two rows of the theater. No one couch there is big enough for five people, but when you divide up across two couches suddenly I’m splayed out like I’m at home in my living room.

Reel Pizza has a new pie on their menu, with fresh basil and goat cheese. It is awesome. If we made any mistake in this trip to Reel Pizza, it wasn’t showing up too late to get seats together, it was ordering a small instead of a large on the basil and goat cheese pie. It went quickly.

I haven’t seen every Woody Allen movie. Actually, I could probably count on one hand the number of Woody Allen movies I’ve seen. That said, I loved Midnight in Paris. It was stellar. It’s funny, it’s romantic. Owen Wilson is great. But the real stars of the movie are the actors playing the historical figures that he meets. Corey Stall as Hemingway was definitely my favorite, with Adrien Brody’s Dali coming in a close second.

“Rhinoceros!”
“Dali!”

The one odd thing about Midnight in Paris is that Owen Wilson’s character Gil is obsessed with Paris in the 20’s, but with the exception of Marion Cotillard’s fictional character Adriana, every other person he meets in a real life American or Spaniard.
Marion Cotillard is beyond charming. If she asked me to stay in pre-1900 Paris with her, I would have a hard time saying no. 

Would you give up Angry Birds for a French bird?

Go see Midnight in Paris. Highest possible recommendation.

And go see movies at Reel Pizza. Beyond highest possible recommendation.

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At The Theater 2011 #9: Submarine

There’s a lot to be said for a great movie theater. When I’m in Los Angeles, I feel the need to see a movie at the Arclight. And when I travel to Bar Harbor, ME, I need to see a movie at Reel Pizza. I have never made a trip to Bar Harbor without seeing at least one movie at Reel Pizza.

I was looking forward to seeing Horrible Bosses or Midnight in Paris at Reel Pizza when we arrived in Bar Harbor. Unfortunately, I read the schedule wrong and those two movies weren’t showing up until later in the week, so we had our choice of Tree of Life and Submarine.

I didn’t know anything about Submarine before heading into the theater. I’d only seen the poster, which is pretty much just the face and torso of a Welsh teenager. But I did hear things about Tree of Life, mainly that it was long, boring and hard to understand. So Submarine it is!

Submarine is great. I definitely recommend watching it. If you like the humor that comes from awkward situations, like the kind found in Louis C.K.’s show Louis, I think you will enjoy Submarine a lot. Submarine captures the awkwardness of being a teenager, especially an unpopular one, very well.

Ah, young love. Young, awkward love.

If you have quick eyes, you might be able to catch Ben Stiller’s cameo in the movie. It’s faster than Rebecca Romajin’s cameo in X-Men: First Class.

I thought this was Ben Stiller. But it’s not.

My favorite pizza at Reel Pizza is the Hawaii 5-0. We had a larger group with us in Maine this time around, so we ventured out of our usual and added a large Godfather to our order. The Godfather pie is good, but I think the Hawaii 5-0 is still king there.

For more on why you need to see a movie at Reel Pizza, please check out my reviews of Inception and Oceans.

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On The Couch 2011 #22: The Expendables

When I first saw the poster for The Expendables, I thought, “Who is going to see that?” And then the movie came out and it was box office gold. I was shocked it did so well. The trailer made it look like the schlockiest, overdone action movie in years. I didn’t understand how there was this much demand for 1980s action nostalgia. But that was back before I dove into the glory that is the Rambo universe. I may divide my life into Before Seeing Rambo (BSR) and After Seeing Rambo (ASR) going forward. After watching Rambo III, I immediately wanted to watch Rambo followed by The Expendables. After seeing Rambo (First Blood Pt. 4, not Part 2), I thought I could wait a little before seeing The Expendables. Is this all the proof you need that Rambo III is better than Rambo?

For a movie called The Expendables, they’re all surprisingly resilient. I was surprised to see none of the team members die, not even in an inspiring “I die so you can live” scenario. Even team betrayer and all around psycho Gunner Jensen, played by The Punisher’s Dolph Lundgren survives a vicious stabbing AND is allowed back on the team! How do you make room for fresh faces in the sequel if everyone makes it out this time around?

Speaking of Dolph Lundren, if there is anything that has degraded more amazingly since the 1980’s than Domino’s Mickey Rourke’s looks, it’s Dolph Lundgren’s acting ability. How this is possible when you consider how bad an actor Dolph was even at the top of his game is beyond me. But it’s true.

Sylvester Stallone with Christina Aguilera on the set of her video for Beautiful.

If any of The Expendables was expendable, it was definitely Get Smart’s Terry Crews. I kept asking myself, “Am I forgetting the iconic action role that Terry Crews played to get him a spot in this movie?” And then I remembered, he was the dad on Everybody Hates Chris. Sorry for the hassle, Mr. Crews. My bad. You action hero legacy is justified.

The weird thing about The Expendables is that while it didn’t do much for me, I already find myself interested in the sequel that’s in the works for 2012. Replicant’s Jean-Claude Van Damme and Sidekick’s Chuck Norris are both listed on the IMDB page as possibly being in it. I have some more suggestions for the producers: 1. Steven Segal (needs to lose weight first), 2. Jackie Chan (needs to lose Chris Tucker first) and 3. Danny Glover (as Sugartits).

“If you don’t put me in the sequel, I will eat this snake’s butt!”
He’s not kidding! I’ve seen him do it!

The Expendables has something for everybody, regardless if you’re a fan of 1980s action stars, 1990s action stars or 2000s action stars. That’s everybody, right?