April 17, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Agents of SHIELD – S1E18 – Providence – Recap

It was interesting watching this episode to see how much posturing SHIELD agent turned traitor Grant Ward was doing. Was this just overacting on Brett Dalton’s part? Is Ward really as callous as he was acting here? Or is Ward overdoing it in front of Hydra on purpose, in order to sell his betrayal of SHIELD to them when he’s actually playing Hydra?

Part of me wants Ward’s betrayal to be a long con to infiltrate Centipede and Hydra set up by Coulson and Victoria Hand that would make Danny Ocean proud. But I just can’t figure out a way that makes logical sense for that to be the case.

Here’s why I think Ward might still be on the side of the angels. Rewatching last week’s episode, Turn, Turn, Turn, I noticed that Ward shoots Hand in the gut on his first shot. His second and third shots into her are while she’s on the ground off-camera. Could these have been non-fatal shots too? That, combined with how over the top he was trying to prove himself as not a nice guy this week, made me think that maybe he’s still SHIELD.

My Ward still being a good guy theory is completely blown apart by a few things. One, I’m pretty sure that before he shoots Victoria Hand, he shoots the two other agents of SHIELD on the plane in the face. And once inside the Fridge, Ward goes out of his way to unearth the hidden gravitonium, which even Garrett didn’t know was there.

It was interesting listening to Ward explain how deliberately he conned everyone. Pretty much everything he did this season he claims was to further infiltrate SHIELD and keep suspicion off himself, going back to his recruitment by Coulson. Even his sexual relationship with May was a way to keep May, who his considered the most dangerous member of the team (with good reason), from suspicious of him. Ward told people what they wanted to hear from him, whether they realized that’s what they wanted to hear or not. Clearly, thinking of Ward as just the guns and muscle of Coulson’s crew has been a mistake. He’s a serpent. And to drive it home, he even carries a new expression on his face now that he’s a villain.

Evil Ward, complete with bad guy scar.

The other most interesting part of this week’s episode for me was seeing Raina’s reaction to meeting The Clairvoyant and finding out that he wasn’t the mystic she thought he was. Garrett seemed to revel in having tricked her. Ward too. There was just something so classic movie villain about the way Garrett and Ward acted this episode that it slightly irked me. I half expected them to say “Mwa-ha-ha” after each of their lines.

agents of shield all the bad guys providence

Garrett gets the whole gang back together. This is the SHIELD equivalent of the Iron Sheikh, Nicholai Volkoff and Ted Dibiase teaming up.

I really liked seeing Patton Oswalt as Agent Eric Koenig, the head of Fury’s secret base, in this episode. As he was giving the tour of his very isolated base, I couldn’t help but think that he was the Desmond of Agents of SHIELD. I kind of wish his first scene showed him working out to the sweet sounds of Mama Cass’s “Make Your Kind of Music.”

“Lanyards for everyone!”

The past few episodes of Agents of SHIELD have been great. I’m really enjoying this series, and really like how the creators of the show intertwined it with the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I can’t wait to see how this season turns out, especially now that Ward is reunited with Coulson’s team, and they have no idea who they’re dealing with.

April 14, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Game of Thrones – S4E2 – The Lion and the Rose – Recap

Wow. Seriously, Wow. Well, I definitely did not see that one coming. But I’m getting ahead of myself. As I mentioned last week, I have a hard time keeping track of everyone’s name on the show, and I don’t want to Google people’s names and risk seeing spoilers, so bear with me and my use of nicknames. I haven’t read the books, so I’ll only be talking about what’s on the show. If you have read the books, please be cool and don’t spoil future events in the show. Spoilers after this cool picture of Walter White sitting on the iron throne. The episode starts out in the woods of Bolton country. Matchbox 20’s Robb Thomas is leading a hunting party after a blonde girl named Tansy. The hunting party is a brunette girl, Theon and two dogs trained by Michael Vick. Apparently they’re hunting Tansy because the brunette girl was jealous of her. It’s like Veronica’s sick fantasy about what do about Betty in an Archie comic. Betty/Tansy doesn’t make it. Pro tip: when being chased by hunting hounds, do not stop running. We cut to Tyrion and Jaime brunching together. Tyrion gives Cersei the best nickname, “The Mother of Madness.” Jaime laments that he can’t fight anymore, and can’t trust anyone to train him to fight left handed without someone blabbing. Tyrion says knows just the guy. Of course, we immediately cut to Best-Line Bronn, who is leading Jaime to a secluded platform by the cliffs to train him. And of course, Bronn lives up to his nickname when he explains to Jaime why he’s sure that no one will hear them while they’re training. Basically, this is where Bronn takes some big dude’s wife to have sex with her. She’s a loud one, and if no one can hear them banging each other, no one will hear a couple of swords banging together. Tyrion is the best, but Bronn might be my favorite character on the show.

Back in the land of the Boltons, Robb Thomas welcomes his father (who I will now be calling Michael Bolton) home from killing Robb Stark. The guy who took Jaime’s hand is with the dad too. This guy really looks like Count Tyrone Rugen, the six fingered man from The Princess Bride. He even talks like him. I really hope he has six fingers, and that he’s giving Christopher Guest a kickback for this performance. I also really hope that Mandy Patankin is cast in an upcoming episode to dispatch this guy. Michael Bolton is not happy that Robb Thomas tortured Theon into his current state. Poor Theon. One day you’re fingering your sister on horseback, the next day you’re the gimp from Pulp Fiction. Theon/Reek admits to Michael Bolton that he didn’t kill the Stark boys. Michael Bolton sends the six fingered man after the Stark kids. Question time. Is the last name Snow is Westoros similar to the last name Doe? Robb Thomas’s last name is Snow and he’s a bastard, just like John Snow. Is Snow just a way to denote someone as a bastard? Or are John and this guy possibly related? Varys tells Tyrion that Cersei knows about him and Shae, and that Cersei told their father, Tywin. If Tyrion doesn’t get Shae out of the country, she’s dead. This leads to Tyrion White Fanging Shae. Cold, Tyrion. Stone cold.

Joffrey is having a breakfast party. Is it his birthday? No, wait, it’s his bachelor party. Tyrion gives him an oversized book delineating the history of four past kings. Joffrey thanks him while making a face that says, “Joffrey don’t read.” Tywin presents Joffrey with the second of the two swords he forged from the Stark’s sword last episode. Joffrey tests it out by chopping his new book in two. Fucking Joffrey. I’m convinced George R. R. Martin was bullied by a guy named Geoffrey growing up. Oh great, Smoky Vajayjay is back. I hate that red headed witch. She’s quite possibly my least favorite character on the whole show. Yeah, Joffrey’s awful, but lady is awful and pretentious. But really, she’s the worst. Every time she comes on screen, I’m thinking, “Here we go again.” She’s like that one friend you had back in the ’90s who was just a little too into Wicca.

In case you don’t get her nickname…

Up north, Bran is still hanging in the woods with the kid from Love, Actually, Hodor, and that girl who kind of looks like a tall Bran. Bran tells Hodor to take him to the tree from the Wizard of Oz, the one with the face in it. Bran touches it and has a vision. And it is a werid-ass vision. A voice says “Look for me, beneath the tree. North,” while sees a bunch of images, including Ned Stark in jail, a zombie horse, the back of a man who looks like John Snow, snow falling on the Iron Throne (see what they did there?), Bran himself falling out of the tower and some other weird stuff. Royal wedding time! Joffrey marries Princess Low Cut. She’s now Queen Low Cut. Crazy love triangles between Cersei, Jaime and Brianne, and then again with Jaime, Cersei and Loras. That dude who kinda looks Will Wheaton dressed as J. Lo, his girlfriend Slave Leia and Loras even have a love triangle going on, though this is the only love triangle in the episode that all three people look like they’re really into and have no problem with. Joffrey needs to be Joffrey at the wedding, so he holds a five way midget joust. Joffrey is officially that douchey frat guy you met in college whose parents had too much money. It’s Lil’ Joffey, Lil’ Robb Stark, Lil’ Renley, Lil’ Stannis and Lil’ Balon Greyjoy in a battle royal. This wedding is turning into who can Joffrey irk more, Sansa or Tyrion. After Lil’ Joffrey stands victorious, Joffrey order Tyrion to fight Lil’ Joffrey. Tyrion declines, saying Joffrey should show off those legendary fighting skills that has kept King’s Landing safe. Tyrion is smooth like Don Draper in this scene. Joffrey, being the annoying, overprivileged frat boy that he is, then pours his wine on Tyrion’s head, and has the balls to command Tyrion to refill his goblet. Joffrey wants a reaction out of Tyrion. Tyrion doesn’t give it to him. So Joffrey chucks his wine glass under the table and commands Tyrion to fetch it. Sansa bends down under the table and hands Tyrion the goblet. Just when it seems like it’s going to come to head between Joffrey and Tyrion, Queen Low Cut announces it’s time for pie. Joffrey cuts the pie with his sword. Doves come flying out. A few of the dove didn’t make it. I ain’t eating that dead dove pie. Sansa wants to bounce. Tyrion too. They try to exit, stage right. Joffrey has other ideas and wants Uncle Tyrion to bring him more wine. Tyrion retrieves Joffrey’s goblet from Grandma’s table. Man, grandma is really looking intently at that wine goblet.

And that’s when shit gets real! Joffrey starts coughing and drops dead! Ho. Lee. Shit. Did that just happen? The baddest bad guy in Westeros is dead? Wow! Oh crap, does this mean more scenes with Smokey Vajayjay? Ugh…

Who killed ~~Mr. Burns~~ Joffrey??? Obviously, it wasn’t Tyrion. He looked as surprised as anyone, and come on, we’ve all seen enough episodes of Law & Order to know it’s never the first suspect. I’ve got four leading candidates for the identity of the murderer.

Sansa – Boy, does she have motive. And she had oppurtunity as well, when she bent down to pick up the wine cup under the table. You can see her free hand pass over the cup before she hands it to Tyrion. But why would she be carrying poison on her? To off herself on the night of Joffrey’s wedding? That sounds Sansa-like. She’s been talking suicide for awhile, but maybe seeing Lil’ Robb Stark get “decapitated” was enough for her to decide to share her poison. And the Jester was keen on getting Sansa out of there in a hurry when the shit hit the fan.
Grandma – She clearly doesn’t like what she’s heard about the way Joffrey treats women, and she loves her granddaughter. Joffrey takes a sip of his wine after Sansa handled it, and was fine. He then puts his goblet down on Grandma’s table when it’s time for pie. That pie scene provided plenty of misdirection for Grandma to lace his wine.
Wil Wheaton dressed as J. Lo – This dude clearly has motive. His sister died in the sacking of King’s Landing, which the Lannisters played a huge part in. Could he have poisoned Joffrey? But if he did, how? He was seated far away. Maybe the wine wasn’t poisoned at all. Joffrey was the only one to try the pie.
Wil Wheaton – Red Viper
Tywin – If Joffrey dies, Joffrey’s little brother is next in line for succession. Tywin doesn’t need the title of king, as long as he had the power. Joffrey immediately showed that he wouldn’t be his uncle’s puppet, and Tywin’s already hinted that he has no problem killing his own children if they got in his way. Forbidden lovechild grandson never stood a chance. The thing is, though, why give Joffrey that new bitchin’ Valyrian steel sword for his wedding if Tywin was planning on killing him only hours later. I guess it does make for a good alibi, if it turns out that he is the killer.

Out of the four, I’m leaning towards Grandma and/or Tywin being behind Joffrey’s death. Don’t trust anyone over 30, kids.

If you’ve read the books, and know who killed Joffrey, please keep that information to yourself! Comments and theories are welcome below, but please avoid spoilers of future events on the show.

April 11, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Agents of SHIELD – S1E17 – Turn, Turn, Turn – Recap

Unlike The Well, which dealt with the fallout of Thor: The Dark World in a very ancillary way, Turn, Turn, Turn is directly impacted by the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW for Agents of SHIELD and Captain America: The Winter Soldier. If you haven’t seen Captain America: The Winter Soldier yet, you might want to see that first. But if you’d like to just read about how Captain America: The Winter Soldier affected Agents of SHIELD heading into this episode, I wrote up a handy guide here. But seriously, SPOILERS start after this Hydra logo.

Hydra really is everywhere. They’ve even taken over the SHIELD Academy, which I lovingly refer to as SHIELDwarts. I’m hoping we get a special Red Dawn-esque webisode of the loyal SHIELDwarts students and staff standing off against the Hydra students and staff.

Before the real traitor was revealed, I was convinced it would be Triplett (aka Ward 2.0). I thought his flirting with Simmons might have been a ploy for getting info on her research into the drug that helped resurrect Coulson. Plus, he’s the agent we knew the least about. When he took out his knife and flashed it at Simmons, I was completely fooled. But Ward 2.0 is on the up and up, or so it seems. I hope he’s not a traitor. After this episode, he seems pretty cool.

I also liked Victoria Hand’s reverse psychology for trying to figure out if Triplett and Simmons were Hydra agents. Besides being a nice swerve about Hand’s allegiance, it was a great, tension filled stand-off and cool action sequence.

Now, onto the real traitor…

WARD!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO! On the one hand, I can’t believe that Ward is Hydra. On the other hand, I have to hand it to the writers of Agents of SHIELD, and Brett Dalton (who plays Grant Ward) for making me care about Ward. After watching the pilot, he was my least favorite character on the show. I felt that way for a few episodes, but then slowly started caring about him. It got to the point, where as of last week, I didn’t want any of Coulson’s crew to be a traitor. But man, now I’m totally back to hating Ward.

Marvel.com has a really good interview with Brett Dalton about Ward’s turn to the dark side.

BILL PAXTON!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Paxton is just so cool as Agent Garrett. But now…he’s not only a traitor, HE’S THE ACTUAL CLAIRVOYANT! WTF?!? Paxton’s been pulling the strings all along! You know what, Paxton? It’s stuff like this that makes everyone like Bill Pullman more than they like you!

You know who would never betray SHIELD?
President Thomas. J. Whitmore, that’s who.

I’m really interested to see where Agents of SHIELD goes from here. Ward revealed his true allegiance mid-air, so his betrayal won’t be immediately known to his team. Other than Agent Garrett, there were other people on that flight who Coulson might think freed Garrett. Or maybe Coulson’s team will think Garrett’s plane was rerouted remotely, the way The Bus was last episode. They might think they’re headed on a rescue and recovery mission, only to find themselves trapped in a den of vipers…or Hydras as the case may be.

Marvel is releasing a series of limited edition prints called “The Art of Level 7.” The different prints will each be based on an episode of Agents of SHIELD between now and the end of the season, and each one will be released a few days before that episode’s air date. If you’re interested in purchasing the prints, you can find them here: Art of Level 7. The first in the series, pictured above, was for this week’s episode, with art by Mike Del Mundo. I love this image. It’s very Steranko.

Looking at this print, I feel like I should have noticed a rather major clue into the identity of The Clairvoyant based on who is listed in this in the description for the print: Agent Phil Coulson, Agent Melinda May, Skye, Agent Grant Ward, Agent Jemma Simmons, Agent Leo Fitz, Agent Antoine Triplett. Who’s missing? That’s right? Bill Paxton’s Agent Garrett. Then again, so is Victoria Hand. And that traitor, Ward, did make it on the print, so maybe it’s not the best clue after all…

Marvel has also put on sale the print for next week’s episode, Providence, with art by Paolo Rivera.

Such a cool image. I’m tempted to buy it.

Both Samuel L. Jackson and Colbie Smulders are confirmed for upcoming Agents of SHIELD episodes. It will be great to have a face to face confrontation between Fury and Coulson regarding Coulson’s death and resurrection. It will be interesting to see where in the timeline of the Winter Soldier movie these episodes take place. Will Hill already be at Stark when she sees Coulson again? Or will it be before SHIELD’s official disbandment? I like the idea of SHIELD shrinking in size and going deep cover, if that’s an option going forward.

April 8, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Winter Soldier & Agents of SHIELD

MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW. If you haven’t seen Captain America: The Winter Soldier yet, see it first and come back. And if you’re an Agents of SHIELD fan, make sure you watch Winter Soldier BEFORE you watch the tonight’s episode! But if you don’t plan on watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier before tonight’s episode, this post should catch you up with everything you need to know.

I feel more than it affects any of the other Marvel movies, Captain America: The Winter Soldier dramatically affects the Agents of SHIELD TV show. In the most recent episode of Agents of SHIELD, Coulson figures out that the villain The Clairvoyant is a SHIELD agent or has SHIELD agents in his employ. In Winter Soldier, it’s revealed that SHIELD is even more deeply compromised than Coulson suspected. Hydra has secretly taken over huge parts of SHIELD (and the government) from the top down, including the senator played by Garry Shandling in Iron Man 2 and long time SHIELD agent Jasper Sitwell!

The Doctor and Rose reenact the pivotal scene between Senator Stern and Jasper Sitwell from Captain America: Winter Soldier.

Sitwell appeared briefly onscreen in Thor and Avengers, but has seen the majority of his screen time in the Marvel Cinematic Universe on the Agents of SHIELD TV series, including in last week’s episode, where he was still thought to be a loyal SHIELD agent. The revelation that Sitwell is in fact an agent of Hydra is a huge bombshell. Before Winter Soldier, there was no reason to think Sitwell was a traitor. Now, unless he’s revealed to be a triple-agent, Sitwell will be remembered as a traitor. I doubt he survived being thrown into oncoming traffic by the Winter Soldier on a busy DC highway. That said, he may be in part of tonight’s episode, as he was still alive in last week’s episode, and we don’t know yet how much of tonight’s episode takes before or during the events of Captain America: Winter Soldier.

We also don’t know how much of last week’s episode took place during or after Winter Soldier. Remember how hard a time Coulson was having trying to get in touch with Nick Fury last week? Could the reason for Coulson’s difficulty be the assassination attempt on Fury’s life in Captain America: The Winter Soldier? Coulson’s crew has been isolated and on their own recently. Unless they hear something from Victoria Hand or Agent Garrett (Bill Paxton), there’s a good chance they won’t hear it. And it was revealed last week that Hand has her own agenda counter to Coulson.

Could The Clarivoyant from Agents of SHIELD be part of Hydra? The tagline “Everything is Connected” that ABC has been running in their advertising for Agents of SHIELD certainly makes it seem so. In the most recent episode of SHIELD, Coulson deduces that the Clairvoyant isn’t actually a psychic, but it rather someone with deep access to information, who uses that information to predict the future.

Could the Clarvoyant be the now computerized Arnim Zola? It fits, as Zola was using everything from Facebook and Gmail to predict how people would act and who needed to be taken out. The main thorn in this theory is that I feel we’ve seen the Clairvoyant in silhouette already, unless that was just the man in the wheelchair who Ward killed in last week’s episode.

I’m guessing that one of Coulson’s team will be revealed as a Hydra agent. But I can’t think who I would want that traitor to be. I’ve grown to like every member of Coulson’s crew this season and will be devastated if any of them are traitors. Right now, I’m hoping it ends up being Garrett or Triplett if it has to be anyone. I do not think Agent May is a Hydra agent. I think her suspicious behavior is a red herring and that her secret phone line is a direct connection to Fury. And I don’t know what to make of Hand. Is she a Hydra agent? Or is she operating her own agenda?

Tonight’s episode of Agents of SHIELD is going to be huge! Do not miss this episode!

April 4, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Agents of SHIELD – S1E16 – The End of the Beginning – Recap

Big episode this week as Coulson and his team hunt down The Clairvoyant!

Bill ~~Pullman~~ Paxton and Ward 2.0 return at the very start of the episode. They’re checking into a hotel and are ambushed by Deathlok. Deathlok shrugs off gunfire and electric shots. Garrett and Ward 2.0 are quickly overpowered by Deathlok and it looks like this is the end for them. Until Deathlok decides to jump through the room’s ceiling and flee instead of taking them out. Okay, that was weird.

OG Ward and Ward 2.0

Coulson’s crew hooks up with Paxton and Ward 2.0. They’ve narrowed down The Clairvoyant’s ID to three likely suspects. In order to not get the mission compromised by a potential leak, Skye randomly assigns the agents into three teams of two, one agent knowing where they’re going and the other knowing who they’re going after.

May and Blake (The Good Wife’s Titus Welliver) seemingly strike pay dirt attempting to question a catatonic guy in a nursing home. They never reach him, but Deathlok ambushes them, sending Blake to the hospital, but suspiciously not harming May, despite having the drop on her. I don’t know if this was an intentional piece of fan service or not, but Blake asks May if she’s a Scorpio, joking that he guessed they were paired up by their astrological signs. In the comics, Scorpio is the name of a classic SHIELD villain. The original Scorpio was Nick Fury’s brother, Jacob. I wonder if we’ll be seeing Scorpio, either as an individual or as a new villainous group, in Agents of SHIELD. Or maybe this Scorpio line was just a red herring.

Scorpio

The team manages to find a warehouse where they believe the not-quite-comatose dude is hiding out. Garrett leads the charge with one of the best lines of the episode. Ward (1.0) asks him if he’s going to ring the bell or knock. Garrett says he’s going to knock and then blows the door open with a grenade launcher. F-yeah, Bill Paxton!

Skye is monitoring things remotely and spots Deathlok on a camera. I really do not like the way Michael Peterson looks as Deathlok on the show. It’s just a little too boring of a costume right now. I want the classic Luther Manning look with the half-metal head. Those who fall into the same boat as me were given a nice piece of fan service this week when Skye scanned Deathlok, revealing the classic Deathlok look hiding just under skin deep. I hope something happens to Peterson to expose this half-metal head permanently soon.

Garrett, Ward, May and Coulson find The Clairvoyant, who is revealed to be a Stephen Hawking type guy trapped in a wheelchair who communicates through his computer. The robotic voice of The Clairvoyant’s computer mocks Coulson and threatens to kill Skye. Ward snaps and shoots the The Clairvoyant in the heart, killing him. My immediate thought: “This isn’t the real Clairvoyant.” Coulson comes to the same conclusion, noting that The Clairvoyant never actually spoke, his words always coming from the computer. Someone else could have been saying those words and this now dead psuedo-Clairvoyant could have really just been a catatonic patsy.

Coulson comes to the conclusion that The Clairvoyant isn’t psychic, but rather has high-level SHIELD clearance. They’re being taken down from the inside!

Back on the Bus, Coulson interrogates Ward, questioning if Ward shot the man in the wheelchair on his own accord, or if Ward was taking orders from someone else.

While Coulson is interogating Ward, Fitz finds out that May has a private communications line in her cockpit that she’s not supposed to have. From Fitz’s explanation, it sounds like a two-way line that only communicates with one other. Fitz disables it, and it then hunted by a very determined May. In what was the scariest part of the episode for me, May fires at Fitz. Thankfully, he was standing behind bulletproof glass. But knowing Joss Whedon, I really thought Fitz might not have made it out of this episode. Thankfully, Fitz is saved by Coulson who points a gun at May. May explains her gun was loaded with Fitz’s stun bullets. Coulson says his are real. Skye enters with a gun drawn on May, saying May can’t take them both out. May surrenders. As she surrenders, the Bus changes course mid-air. Coulson demands to know what May did to their plane. May claims she did nothing. A cut away from this scene reveals the plane to be in control of Victoria Hand, who sounds ready to take out Coulson and his entire team once the Bus lands.

Takeaways:

Is May working for The Clairvoyant? My theory is no.

Who is on the other end of May’s phone? I think it’s Nick Fury.

Is Victoria Hand The Clairvoyant? She might be. Or maybe she’s The Clairvoyant’s right hand woman.

March 21, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Game of Thrones S4E1 – Two Swords – Recap

Are you excited for Season 4 of Game of Thrones? Hell yeah, me too! Here’s my recap of Season 4, episode 1. I have a hard time keeping track of everyone’s name on the show, and I don’t want to Google people’s names and risk seeing spoilers, so bear with me and my use of nicknames. I haven’t read the books, so I’ll only be talking about what’s on the show. If you have read the books, please be cool and don’t spoil future events in the show.

There are plenty of SPOILERS in this recap of episode 1 of season 4 of Game of Thrones. If you’d like to go in fresh, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND not reading past the photo below of Emma Watson sitting on the Iron Throne.

Seriously! No further than this photo! Come back after you’ve seen the episode!

We’ll still be here.

The show opens with Tywin Lanister overseeing the melting down of Robb Stark’s sword. It’s so big that he makes two, one for him and one for Jamie.

The wildlings meet up with more wildlings. Is wildling something you capitalize, like Americans or New Yorkers? Just wondering. It’s pointed out by head Wildling (that just looks weird. I’m going back to not capitalizing) Redbeard that John Snow’s red-headed girlfriend could shoot a rabbit through the eye from far away. She hit John Snow with three arrows. He hints that if he’s still alive, she won’t be for long. Wildlings from the south join up. The head wildling from the south has a whose-dick-is-bigger contest with Redbeard from the north. I think it ended in a tie. I didn’t catch the head wildling from the south’s name, but his face has big scars on it, so I’m calling him White Omar. “White Omar comin’.”

Jaime gets fitted with Beyonce’s C3P0 hand from Single Ladies. He’s not happy. He kind of looks like the guy with the metal hand from He-Man. Not Fisto, the Asian guy from He-Man who had that gold karate chop hand.

His name is Jitsu.

Cersei gets all “You’ve been gone so long, it turns out I don’t need you” on Jaime, who just wants to get some hump time on his sister. Cold hearted, sis. Cold hearted.

It gets worse for Jaime when he has to meet with his son-nephew, King Joffrey. Joffrey, always the worst, belittles Jaime and wonders how a one-handed head guard will keep him safe. The look on Jamie’s face says he’s wondering why he wants to stay with his son-nephew and sister-babymomma.

Khalessi is marching her army closer to King’s Landing. One of the unsullied and Smarmy-McBearderson are having a contest to see who can hold their sword up longest. It’s not as dirty as it sounds. Winner gets to ride next to Khaleesi. Regardless, Khaleesi is unimpressed and tells them both to ride behind the army. Smarmy-McBearderson gets back in her favor by giving her a blue rose, some Catan-esque wheat and a pretty yet poisonous red flower. Classic Smarmy McBearderson. Dude is the FTD of Westeros. I might start calling him Smarmy-McPantydropper. This scene did make me bummed for Friend Zone. Always in the friend zone, that Friend Zone.

Brynn meets with Joffrey’s future wife, Princess Low Cut, and her grandmother, The Flying Nun. The Flying Nun is way impressed by Brynn. Brynn fills in Princess Low Cut about the shade that killed Renly and how it looked like Sourpuss, I mean Stannis, Baratheon. How is that I remember Renly’s name, but not his hot widow’s?

Tyrion is living in Game of Thrones – The Sitcom. First he has to greet an incoming prince, who doesn’t show, but sent his younger brother, Inigo Montoya, in his place. Tyrion finds him in Littlefinger’s brothel about to get his 4-way on. During their conversation, you really get the impression that Inigo Montoya hates Lannisters, like “You killed my father. Prepare to die.” level hatred. But he does offer Tyrion and Best-Line Bronn spots in his gang-bang. Bronn seems ready to party, but Tyrion turns him down. Best-Line Bronn once again gets the best lines in the show, but what else would you expect? Later, Tyrion has to deal with Sansa, his forced wife. Sansa is depressed. Tyrion tries talking Sansa out of her funk. Seeing Tyrion talking to Sansa gets his lover, Shay, pissed. The Tyrion sitcom continues. He’s just trying to keep his wife from killing herself and his lover happy. He’s doing a so-so job at both.

Brynn and Jaime watch Sansa from above while she’s sitting alone. Brynn makes Jamie promise to keep Sansa safe. Jaime’s all like “Do I have to?” and Brynn’s all like, “Um yeah.” Jaime says ‘Okay”. Things get creepy when someone is following Sansa. But it turns out to be a guy Sansa saved from beheading, who gives her a necklace. I wonder if we’ll see him again.

Arya and The Hound are still on their horseback ride through the country that began last season. The Hound wants to sell Arya to her aunt. They come across the king’s men who took Arya’s sword Needle and killed her friend. The Hound makes fun of the name Needle and sword names in general. Hound: “What’s with people naming their swords? I mean, who are these people?” Arya wants her sword back. The Hound wants some food. Arya’s sword thief gets uppity with The Hound, which never seems like a good idea. Sword Thief and his men quickly die. Arya kills him last with her retrieved Needle while saying his own lines back at him from when he took Needle.

The episode ends with scenes from this coming season on Game of Thrones, which looks awesome!

NEXT: Game of Thrones – S4E2 – The Lion and the Rose – Recap

March 17, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Agents of SHIELD – S1E15 – Yes Men – Recap

Thor: The Dark World once again crosses over with the TV show Agents of SHIELD this week. Like, The Well, Yes Men also deals with the aftermath of Thor: The Dark World. While Lorelei was not in Thor 2, it’s revealed in this episode that she was freed from her Asgardian prison during Malekith’s assault on Asgard. Unlike The Well, sadly, there’s no Dr. Janoch Pohaa. But we do get Lady Sif in this episode! Can we please have a Zachary Levi as Fandral appearance next?

It’s a battle of the sexes this episode as Lorelei as every male character in this episode with the exception of Coulson falls under Lorelei’s spell. Coulson not being under Lorelei’s command leads to my favorite scene in the episode. A spellbound Fitz locks Skye and Simmons in Skye’s recovery room. Coulson plays along with Fitz’s love of Lorelei (lorelove?) just long enough to deck Fitz unconscious.

Ward and May’s sexual relationship ends soon after Lorelei reveals to May that Ward has deep feelings for someone on the team…and it isn’t May. Once Ward is free of Lorelei’s spell, May dumps him. The writing was on the wall for this in the “Previously on Agents of SHIELD” opening sequence. Why include the clip of May telling Coulson that she had no problem dumping Ward unless it was going to happen in this episode? All in all, it’s an up and down day for Ward. On the one hand, he was dumped by May. On the other hand, he had wild sex with a god.

Questions: Can humans impregnate Norse gods? Do Norse gods even bother with protection? Norse herpes has be at least 1,000 times worse than regular herpes, right?

I liked that Lorelei picked her man-slaves in ascending order of toughness. Biker gang? Tougher than the yuppie newlywed. Ward? Tougher than a biker bang. Fitz? Yeah, I said it, tougher than Ward! I’m completely assuming Lorelei made time to have her way with Fitz off screen before Coulson happened upon a spellbound Fitz. You go, Fitz. Get yo’ Asgard on.

Parting thought: Never bring a gun to a god fight.

The episode ends with Coulson apologizing to Skye for her being injected with alien blood on his orders, but Skye brushes it aside because, you know, it did save her life. Coulson then wants to team up with Skye to confront whomever was responsible for Tahiti. I really wanted Coulson to hold his hand up, Skye grip it and they rev Lola out the back of the bus midair Thelma and Louise style. It’s cool, the car flies.

March 11, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Agents of SHIELD – S1E14 – Tahiti – Recap

It’s been almost a month since we had a new episode, but Agents of SHIELD is finally back! The last episode ended with the team in disarray. Skye’s been shot and is comatose in critical condition. And after finding out the truth about his resurrection, Coulson doesn’t know who he can trust.

At the start of Tahiti, Coulson’s crew is airborne, desperately trying to find somewhere they can bring Skye. Coulson instructs the team to bring him to the SHIELD facility that treated him after the battle of New York. One problem: that SHIELD facility doesn’t exist and the main doctor who operated on Coulson seems to have disappeared. Coulson tries getting Fury on the line, which sadly does not lead to Samuel L. Jackson making a cameo.

Fitz, being awesome, figures out what the secret facility actually is, and in an audience-disbelief defying maneuver, manages to figure out that the 3D file he’s looking at isn’t actually encrypted, but rather an inside-out topographical map. In Fitz’s defense, this scene looked awesome, especially when the 3D map dissolved into the real mountain on screen.

A hamper in Coulson’s plan to save Skye occurs when the bus is boarded by Ward’s old SO, Agent John Garrett (Bill Paxton!!), and Garrett’s new Ward, whose name I forget, so I’m calling him Ward 2.0. Ward 2.0 has a thing for Simmons. Can’t blame him. Garrett and Ward 2.0 want Ian Quinn. Quinn was responsible for some of Garrett’s team dying and Garrett wants him for questioning. I was super-convinced during this episode that Garrett and Ward 2.0 were going to be double agents working to free Quinn. I kept waiting for them to turn on Coulson’s team. And it never happened. Sorry for not trusting you more, Mr. Paxton.

We’re given a question along with some answers in regards to Coulson’s resurrection. It’s not Tahiti. It’s T.A.H.I.T.I. What’s T.A.H.I.T.I. stand for? No clue. But we do find out what’s in this week’s McGuffin, the mysterious drug that was used during Coulson’s operation that could also save Skye. It’s alien blood. As least I hope it’s alien blood. The alien on ice that it’s coming from in T.A.H.I.T.I. is bisected at the waist. I hope that tube isn’t coming from its small intestine. “Here, Skye, take this alien juice. What is it? It’s not alien diarrhea. We promise you that. Definitely not alien diarrhea! Okay, we’ll be going now.” Coulson possibly had the same thought, because a very shaken Coulson is screaming for the team not to inject Skye…only it was too late. Skye’s got alien juice in her…and she’s saved! For now. I’m not saying she’s going to go all Jeff Goldblum in The Fly after that injection, but there’s got to be at least one unintended consequence that comes from it, right?

The final scene leads directly into next week’s episode. A red-headed Asgardian arrives by way of the bi-frost in Death Valley. She quickly hypnotizes a newlywed dude to ditch his wife and drive her away. I immediately thought we were seeing the Marvel Cinematic Universe debut of the Enchantress! But then she says her name…Lorelei, aka the Enchantress’s lesser known sister. We’ll get more Asgardian fun next week, as Sif arrives on the scene to take down Lorelei.

Comic Book Tie-Ins

John Garrett is an Agent of SHIELD that made his first appearance in the hit 1980s miniseries, Elektra: Assassin. I wish they let him keep his bitchin’ mustache on the show.

Lorelei can be easily confused with her more popular sister, Amora The Enchantress. Both are Norse gods with the power to bend men’s will to their whims. Lorelei first appeared during Walt Simonson’s run of Thor, in Thor #382. As a side note, Walt Simonson’s Thor run also saw the debut of Malekith, the main bad guy in Thor: The Dark World.

February 10, 2014 by Billy Henehan

Agents of SHIELD S1E13 – T.R.A.C.K.S. – Recap

Agents of SHIELD Episode 13, T.R.A.C.K.S., has Coulson’s entire team going undercover on a train travelling through the Italian countryside in order to intercept a package on its way to Ian Quinn.

This episode uses a fun storytelling device. The episode goes along linearly until a certain point, then it divides into four non-linear stories before becoming linear at the end. The four stories are set around the four teams of SHIELD agents on the train: 1. Coulson & Simmons, 2. May, 3. Fitz & Skye, and 4. Ward. Each story starts at the same place, just as the train is passing through a scenic mountain range, which coincides with the moment when Coulson’s plan goes to crap.

Stan Lee makes a great cameo. He’s flanked by two hot women and calls Coulson out for being a terrible “father” after hearing his “daughter” Simmons go on a long and detailed rant as part of her getting into her undercover character. Like many of Stan’s scenes in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, this scene provides the episode with a bit of lighthearted fun.

Coulson’s team gets made, forcing Coulson and Ward to exit the train promptly while it’s still in motion. An enemy agent hurls a grenade that lets out a blue gas that seems to do nothing to Coulson and Ward, but the train immediately disappears at the same time. As we find out in May’s scene, the grenade paralyzed Coulson and Ward, and they weren’t even aware that any time had passed when they came to. This time-lapse grenade is what necessitated the non-linear story-telling in the episode, as it kept the nature of the blue smoke a mystery from not only the characters, but the viewers too.

The McGuffin that Coulson and company are after turns out to be a machine that when attached to Michael Peterson’s leg-stump transforms into a fully functional robotic leg. Ladies and gentlemen…say hello to Deathlok.

For those of you unfamiliar with the character, Deathlok is a cybernetic soldier that is half man-half machine. The original Deathlok came from a dystopian future, but in the 1990s, Marvel introduced a present day Deathlok. This Deathlok was a man that had his brain put into the body of prototype Deathlok soldier, which was half-machine, half-reanimated corpse. Think Cyborg from Teen Titans: Go meet Warm Bodies. The machine and human parts of Deathlok’s brain often came into conflict with each other, the machine lacking the soul and emotion of the human part. Deathlok was recently reintroduced to Marvel Comics in Rick Remender’s excellent Uncanny X-Force.

The original Deathlok.

This episode does not go well for Skye. She is the only member of Coulson’s team who manages to infiltrate Quinn’s mansion. She’s rewarded with a bullet to the gut for her effort. By the time the rest of the team finds her, she’s bled out a lot. The team places her in a stasis chamber to keep her alive, so Skye is basically in a coma right now. This is the most danger a member of Coulson’s team has faced since Simmons almost died in F.Z.Z.T. I wasn’t a fan of Skye during the first couple of episodes, but she has definitely grown on me. I don’t expect her to die, and it would be a real bummer if she did.

At the very end of the episode, we get Ward’s reaction to Skye’s near-death experience. Ward is pissed, and not at himself. He blames someone else. He doesn’t say who, but he doesn’t have to. It’s fairly clear that Coulson is the target of his rage. Expect things to come to a head between Ward and Coulson soon.

January 29, 2014 by Dave Tomko

Arrow S2E7: “State v. Queen”

The episode begins with a flashback, where we see how the Earthquake in the Glades takes apart the Iron Heights Penitentiary. I’d like to see a map of the Arrowverse. Because we know that Iron Heights is in Keystone City. We know the Glades is in Starling City. I really wonder how this earthquake worked. Because not all of Starling City is decimated but the quake made its way to Keystone City. How far apart are these cities? In any case we get to see how the Dollmaker and now Count Vertigo make their escape from the Penitentiary. Through an Arrow shaped hole.

Flash further back to the island. Oliver as been taken to Slade and Shado’s camp by Ivo and his men. Ollie yells to warn them. This buys them time to escape Ivo without him knowing they were there. Though Slade is looking rough. Oliver then takes Ivo to the World War II Japanese bodies. Ivo is looking for the “Hosen” arrowhead that should be with the bodies but cannot find it. He is about to have his men kill Ollie when Slade and Shado rescue him. Once in a safe place Shado reveals the Hosen.

Oliver leads Ivo and his men to the WWII Japanese bodies. Ivo searches everywhere but cannot find “The Hosen,” a special arrowhead that was supposed to be with the bodies. Ivo’s men are about to shoot Oliver when Shado and Slade get the drop on all of them.

Another scene on the island. Slade and Shado rescue Oliver. He grabs Sara as they all flee Ivo’s men. Shado uses one of Ivo’s detonators to cover their escape.

One final island flashback. Shado pulls out the Hosen. She doesn’t know why Ivo wants it. There is a Buddhist inscription on one side and the numbers 30, 30, 175, and 12 on the back. It’s very Lost like and obviously coordinates. They are for the Japanese sub. The sub can apparently save the human race. Ollie wants to find it to save Slade who is getting worse.

Jump back to the present we are finally getting to Moira Queen’s Trial. This is my least favorite story arc of this season so it feels like it has been dragging on forever. A.D.A. Adam Donner who has a “Trump Card” yet to be revealed and Laurel, who should not be allowed to prosecute Moira, are in the courtroom. The trial’s opening arguments try make the case that Moira and her family were threatened by Malcolm Merlyn.

Then we switch to Diggle who is feeling weird since he got a flu-shot. He eventually collapsing from his illness. Then we jump back and Adam Donner is collapsing in the courtroom from seemingly the same thing. Hmmm, I wonder who did this? Adam gets rushed into an ambulance hijacked by Vertigo. Then D.A. Kate Spencer, Alderman Blood, and Laurel are discussing his case and Laurel finds Adam’s “Trump Card.” Laurel goes to the prison where Moira is held and explains this is why Moira can’t take the stand. Because of this Moira is forced to reveal to Thea and Ollie that she had an affair with Malcolm Merlyn. Laurel does a weird cross-examination type thing that makes a terrible case against Moira. How did Laurel get this job? The next day we get the verdict. NOT GUILTY! WTF?!?!?!

Oh yeah and somewhere in here Team Arrow takes down Count Vertigo. Oh, I mean literally. Three arrows in the chest out the window down a few stories on to a cab and I am sure this makes Count Vertigo ripe for a return from the dead. Speaking of which, Moira’s driver takes her from the courtroom to an abandoned parking lot . He steps out of the car and gets shot in the chest by a black Arrow… Malcolm Merlyn is back. He bribed the jury, knows how to escape death, and is Thea’s Dad!

Oh one more scene to mention. Alderman Blood is getting really creepy. He reveals he is the reason for Count Vertigo terrorizing the city. We see he is experimenting on people who now won’t die. One is Brother Cyrus (See more below). I think we’re going to see all these people not dying and the drugs from the island, Slade, and Sebastian Blood all start to connect.

NOTES:

Count Vertigo: Werner Vertigo, also known as Count Vertigo was created by Gerry Conway and Trevor von Eeden and first appeared in World’s Finest #251 in 1978. In most of his incarnations he is a ruler of a fiction country Vlatava. He uses his “Vertigo Effect” to disrupt his enemies’ balance. The TV show does a nice job of switching that to a drug. When he eventually comes back from the dead I think we will see him with a weapon to give people Vertigo he is fighting. Outside of his history as a Green Arrow and Black Canary villain, he has been a part of the Suicide Squad, Checkmate, and the Injustice Society. For a good Count Vertigo story check out the Green Arrow #23.1 by Jeff Lemire and Andrea Sorrentino.

Malcolm Merlyn: The comic book character of Merlyn first appeared in Justice League of America #94 in 1971. He was created by created by Mike Friedrich, Dick Dillin, and Neal Adams to be an archenemy of Green Arrow. In the comic books Meryln is a stage name and the supervillain name of Arthur King. Oliver Queen is inspired to take up archery after seeing Merlyn perform. As an adult Green Arrow meets Merlyn when Merlyn challenges the hero to a public archery contest. Ollie bests Merlyn. Merlyn disappears from the public eye and joins the League of Assassins. When Green Arrow next meets Merlyn, Ollie is with Batman and is able to deflect one of Merlyn’s arrows with an arrow of his own, saving Batman’s life. Andrew Kreisberg, one of the writers on Arrow wrote a story featuring Merlyn in Green Arrow/Black Canary: Enemies List.

Brother Cyrus: Brother Cyrus most likely refers to Cyrus Gold who becomes the zombie-like character Solomon Grundy. He first appeared in All-American Comics #61 in 1944 and was created by Alfred Bester and Paul Reinman. His name was taken from the 19th Century nursery rhyme. Solomon Grundy’s story starts when Cyrus Gold , a wealthy merchant, was murdered and his body disposed of in Slaughter Swamp. He was supernaturally resurrected fifty years later, partially being composed of material from the swamp. He is named Solomon Grundy in the hobo camp near the Swamp because his only memory is of being born on a Monday. Pretty mindless, he eventually turns to a life a crime and destruction which puts him into battle with the first Green Lantern, Alan Scott. He is eventually killed, but this is not the end because he is trapped in a constant state of reincarnation. Each time he dies he is resurrected in the Slaughter Swamp with slightly different levels of strength, intelligence, and personality. His most notable story involving Oliver is Green Arrow: The Archer’s Quest written by Brad Meltzer (from History Channel’s Brad Meltzer’s Decoded) and Phil Hester. Obviously in the TV show we are seeing Cyrus being constructed by drugs. However it is worth noting that the forever resurrecting Solomon Grundy goes along with this season’s theme of not dying (Ra’s al Ghul and the Lazurus Pit, Professor Anthony Ivo, Mirakuru, etc.).

Kate Spencer: D.A. Kate Spencer has appeared previously in the season 1 episode “Damaged.” She lead the prosecution that charged Oliver Queen with the crimes the Hood committed. Her comic book counterpart is a federal prosecutor who grows tired of seeing guilty super-criminals evade punishment. She takes matters into her own hands, stealing equipment and weapons from an evidence room becoming the vigilante Manhunter. She was created by Marc Andreyko and Jesus Saiz for the wonderful series appropriately titled Manhunter.

Jean Loring: She has been a player in the trial storyline this season. She is a defense attorney and an old friend of Moira Queen’s. She was created by Gardner Fox and Gil Kane in Showcase #34 in 1961 as a love interest for Ray Palmer, The Atom. Her comic book counterpart is also a lawyer. She eventually married and divorced Ray Palmer and displayed in various stories some mental instability. She is featured in Identity Crisis by Brad Meltzer and Rags Morales.

Markovia: This is a small country in Europe, ruled by the Markov family and first appeared in The Brave and the Bold #200 in 1983. Prince Brion Markov is also known as the superhero Geo-Force. He can manipulate the Earth’s gravitational field to make an object heavier or lighter, manipulate the earth, turn organic matter into stone, and project “lava blasts.” A Dr. Brion Markov appeared last season in “Darkness at the Edge of Town” where he created a device for Malcolm Merlyn to create the earthquake. Malcolm killed Dr. Markov once the device was complete. Comic book Brion had a half sister Tara Markov who was the sometimes hero and somes villain named Terra who had the ability to control earth much like her brother. She was mentally unstable and had a professional and personal relationship with Slade Wilson. She is introduced in the story “Terra Incognito” in the New Teen Titans. Brion and Ollie were on a team called The Outsiders together.

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