This recap contains spoilers about Game of Thrones season 4 through episode 8, so if you’re not caught up, come back when you are. Comments are always welcome, however, I have not read the books, so if you have, please keep your knowledge of future events on the show to yourself. Thanks!
The episode starts at the best little whorehouse north of the wall, the one where Sam left Gilly. Things aren’t going well for Gilly. She’s trying to keep her head down, but one of the tougher looking whores (and local burp contest champion) gets in her face about her baby crying. Gilly’s saved from having to brawl with the Burp Queen by the arrival of the giant Wildling army. Okay, maybe saved isn’t the right word. The Wildlings literally cut through the entire town and whore house, killing everyone in sight. The ceilings are dripping blood from the floors above. Amazingly, this would not be the grossest visual in this episode.
Lucky for Gilly and her son, it’s Jon Snow’s ex who finds her hiding in a closet. Seeing the baby, she lets Gilly and her baby live. Man, you take the girl out of Dowling Gardens, but you can’t take the Dowling Gardens out of the girl…
At Castle Black, Sam is seriously distraught. He believes Gilly dead after the attack, and is inconsolable. One of his brother crows points out that Gilly has survived everything from Craster to a White Walker, so maybe she’s alive. This is enough to get Sam out of his funk. I wonder how much longer this Wildling army bit will be drawn out. Will will see their attack on Castle Black some time in the next two episodes? Or will the oncoming horde be the final scene of episode 10?
Over in Mereen, the men and women don’t bathe together…but they do bathe about 50 feet from each other with no barrier between them. Grey Worm, the captain of the Unsullied, is taking advantage of this, checking out Dany’s assistant. For those of you keeping score at home, I think this is the first time we see her topless. Captain Unsullied really likes to watch. I think he’s sullying himself. Dany’s assistant notices, and at first seems into it, but is then creeped out and covers up.
Okay, she was definitely creeped out, because she reports this incident to Dany. I would love for these two scenes to be featured in some company’s HR video. ‘Here’s how to respond to unwanted advances.” Dany’s a little confused about the incident though. She wonders how unsullied her men are, asking if they’ve had the pillar as well as the stones removed. Side note: I am now referring to my junk as the pillar and the stones.
Missandei and Grey Worm meet up, and they tell each other that they were both into it. Hey Missandei, he might not have a pillar, but he definitely has a pointer.
We cut to Rob Thomas and Reek, who are going through the “I am Theon Greyjoy” plan. Reek certainly looks like Theon again, minus the swagger. Reek approaches a fortress belonging to his father and announces himself. Once inside, Theon/Reek offers the captain the chance to live if they all surrender to Rob Thomas. The captain, who is not doing too well, spits some blood in Theon’s face over the offer and goes on about “Iron born this, iron born that,” and how they don’t surrender, and if he really was Theon Greyjoy, he’d know that. Reek’s veneer starts to crack, but his sales pitch is saved by one of the captain’s men putting an ax firmly in the captain’s head. The ax man is interested in this surrendering business. Oh sorry, ax man, you chose the wrong door. Behind the door marked surrender was your body flayed of its skin from the neck down. I think you’re also missing an eye or two (won’t be the last time this happens this episode). Better luck next time!
Up at the Aerie, Littlefinger is sitting before a tribunal in regards to Aunt Crazy’s death. Things aren’t going well for him. They call in Sansa as a witness, who announces she can lie no longer…and then proceeds to lie her ass off to help Littlefinger. Hey Littlefinger, you’re still in the courtroom! The tribunal can see you! Stop smiling so much!
Back in Mereen, Sir Barriston is given a sealed scroll. Whose mark is this on the wax? Do we know? The scroll is the royal pardon of Friend Zone signed by King Robert. Sir Barriston confronts Friend Zone about this and then immediately brings it to Dany’s attention. Things don’t go well for Friend Zone. It turns out that women are less impressed with you saving them from poisoned wine if you’re the guy who gave the information as to where the assassin should be in the first place. I think Tuesday Night Movies contributor Sarvenaz Tash put it best when she tweeted…
https://twitter.com/SarvenazTash/status/473286703877464065
Friend Zone leaves town like David Banner at the end of an episode of The Incredible Hulk. I kind of wish they played the Hulk’s closing credits music during this scene.
Back north, Rob Thomas gets what Jon Snow never got, an acknowledgement of some fatherly love. Praise Ned Stark all you want, but at the end of the day, Rob Thomas’s father let him drop Snow and take the family name. That said, he’ll always be Rob Thomas to me.
In the Aerie, Littlefinger is questioning Sansa as to why she helped him. He’s doing this in a Christian Bale Batman voice. Sansa does not answer with “Why so serious?” Instead, she lets Littlefinger know that his being alive is beneficial to her. Westeros look out! Sansa is being proactive!
Cleared of any wrongdoing, Littlefinger suggests that Robin be sent out into the lands around the Aerie, so that he can get a better understanding of the people and lands he will one day oversee. I see this going as well as when an animal raised in captivity is released into the wild.
Sansa enters the room where Littlefinger and Robin are. She’s wearing a new dress and walking with a new confidence. Just as Arya is turning into Mini-Hound, I feel Sansa is turning into Mini-Littlefinger.
Arya and the Hound complete their season long journey to the Aerie, just in time to find out that Aunt Crazy is dead. Arya’s reaction is priceless. She just laughs her ass off. I look forward to Arya and Sansa’s reunion. Both have grown as characters so much since they last saw each other. And do they each even think the other is alive?
Tyrion is visited by Jaime again. I won’t lie, as this scene was starting, I was looking at my watch. Other than Dany defriending Friendzone, this has been a fairly uneventful episode so far. But here it is, Tyrion’s trial by combat, Inigo Montoya the Red Viper vs. the Mountain!
I had a bad feeling about the Red Viper’s chances as soon as he told his lady friend that he didn’t plan on dying today. Anytime someone in Westeros announces that they don’t plan on dying that day, I feel that their chances of dying that day increase dramatically.
Wow, the Mountain is big, especially compared to the Red Viper. The Red Viper strikes an early advantage, slicing at the Mountain and dodging all of his blows. But the Red Viper doesn’t want to just win. He wants the Mountain to publicly admit that he raped and killed the Red Viper’s sister and murdered her children. Seriously, how does anyone not see the Inigo Montoya comparison during this scene? His “You raped her. You murdered her. You killed her children.” sounds so much like “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” I kept waiting for the Mountain to ask what the Red Viper wanted, and for his response to be, “I want my sister back, you son of a bitch.”
The original Red Viper.
Inigo is toying with the Mountain. He clearly wants to fight to the pain. People in the audience are very amused to see the underdog come out on top, especially Jaime Lannister.
When Big Red then wanted the Mountain to implicate Tywin Lannister as the person whose orders the Mountain was following when he raped and murdered his sister, I had a feeling the shit was definitely going to hit the fan. I thought Inigo might jump into the stands and kill Tywin in front of everyone. Instead the Mountain makes a comeback usually reserved for the Undertaker in WWE matches and pops Inigo 2.0’s head like a watermelon. When the Mountain was gouging Big Red’s eyes, all I could think was that it looked like pressing your thumbs into a cherry pie. It’s been a few days since I watched the episode and I both cannot get that scene out of my head and cannot bring myself to watch it again. I think I’d rather watch the Red Wedding again before watching this scene a second time. That said, enjoy it all you want below.
Have fun trying to fall asleep after watching this.
I thought maybe both Inigo and the Mountain would die, leading to a mistrial by combat, but it looks like the Mountain lived, because the episode ends with Tywin sentencing Tyrion to death.
Okay, Jaime, time to bust your brother out of jail and hit the road, Dukes of Hazzard style!
