On The Couch 2011 #3: Blue Crush

I ran a half marathon on the morning of the day that I saw Blue Crush. This movie is a testament to what I will sit through instead of forcing my body to get up and find the remote control after I run a half marathon.

It’s really hard to express just how a bad a movie Blue Crush is.

Defenders of the movie will say “You don’t watch Blue Crush for the story. You watch it for the girls in bikinis.” Which girls? Kate Bosworth is the best looking of the trio and that really isn’t saying much. I’ve never found Michelle “DUI” Rodriguez attractive out of a bikini. It turns out nothing changes when you put her in one. And the third girl looks like one of the aliens that created the clone army in Star Wars Episode 2.

It’s hard to tell which one costarred in Blue Crush.

I totally missed that the younger sister was supposed to be 15. She looks like she’s 11. The scenes where older guys are hitting on her were disgusting when I thought she was 11, but still gross when I found out she was 15. Statutory rape isn’t cool any way you slice it.

Hawaii looks really nice in Blue Crush. But that’s no reason to watch this movie. If your goal is to forget about this cold winter by watching a movie set in a tropic locale, watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall instead. It’s funny, has cuter girls, and Paul Rudd is in it, which are three of many things lacking in Blue Crush.

Better movie.