Game of Thrones – S4E7 – Mockingbird – Recap

sansa iron throne

The episode begins with Tyrion being visited by his brother and best friend Jaime. Jaime gives Tyrion the “I’m sorry, but your princess champion is in another castle” runaround, saying that he couldn’t beat any man left handed. Tyrion tries to sway Jaime with the prospect of seeing their father’s face when Jaime loses and his bloodline dies out in one fight. Jaime’s tempted, but not that tempted.


Cersei has enlisted The Hulk The Mountain to be her champion against Tyrion’s champion. You might remember The Mountain from such things as being The Hound’s brother, and that vicious joust from a few seasons ago when so many more characters were still alive. Yeah, I wouldn’t bet on Jaime beating this guy left handed either.

Remember in Anchorman 2, how Ron’s son emulated his dad and started acting like him? That’s kind of what’s going on with Arya and The Hound right now. After The Hound stabs a brigand through the heart and wipes his blade clean on the freshly dead body, Arya does the same thing with Brigand #2. Arya’s new nickname: Lil’ Hound.

Up at Castle Black, Jon Snow recommends blocking the tunnel that leads north of the wall. Jon’s asshole boss mocks both Jon and the idea in front of everyone. I’m no writing coach, but I have a feeling this is going to come back to bite the men of the Night’s Watch in the ass big time. You don’t write this scene in and then have the tunnel’s gates stand, right?

Tyrion checks behind door #2 for a champion and comes up empty. Best Line Bronn has been bought off by Cersei and won’t be going for the back to back title as Tyrion’s champion. Tyrion always offered Bronn double of what his enemies would, but Tyrion has trouble coming up with two castles. Tyrion pleads with Bronn’s sense of friendship, but Bronn points out that despite their being friends, Tyrion never risked his life for Bronn. Point: Bronn. Recognizing that Bronn is just being the same Bronn that made Tyrion like him in the first place, they depart with a handshake, still friends.

But all is not lost for Tyrion. Later in the episode, sexy Wil Wheaton, who after this episode I will now be referring to as Inigo Montoya agrees to be Tyrion’s champion. Inigo has a personal beef with the Lannisters in general and The Mountain in specific, as The Mountain’s men raped and murdered Inigo’s sister and her children. Prepare to die, Mountain.


McDreamy arrives at Dany’s chambers bearing wildflowers that he swam a mile for. Dany’s not impressed. I am, but I’m not really a strong swimmer. Dany then gets all Don Draper circa season 6 of Mad Men and tells McDreamy to get undressed. She then totally elevator eyes him and gets stuck in the lobby. Um, Dany, his eyes are up here.


Over in Stannis-land, The Red Witch and her nipples are visited by Stannis’s wife. Hey, what’s up with Stannis’s wife looking like Elrond from Lord of the Rings? She realizes that isn’t a good look, right?


Stannis’s wife.

Every time The Red Witch is speaks, I want someone to punch her in the face. Say hello to the most annoying character in all of Westeros. I was really hoping for Stannis’s wife to push The Red Witch’s head a little bit lower in the tub and just drown her. Is that too much to ask?

The next morning, Friend Zone intercepts McDreamy doing the walk of shame from Dany’s chambers. Awkwaaaard. Friend Zone doesn’t trust McDreamy, and lets Dany know that when he visits her. I’m thinking it’s half doesn’t trust McDreamy, half doesn’t like the competition. Friend Zone is happy to find out that Dany is sending McDreamy far away. It looks like she just wanted to have a fun night first. Hey, don’t hate the player, hate the game.

dany mockingbird sexy dress

Hommina, hommina, hommina…

Back on the road to Aunt Crazy’s castle in the clouds, The Hound tells Arya his origin, which really is just verifying everything we’ve known about him. He hates fire about as much as he hates his brother, which makes sense since his brother burned half of The Hound’s face off when they were kids. Hearing the story from The Hound’s lips definitely made me more sympathetic to The Hound. I’m guessing this will wash away soon though, when he kills the next poor farmer who feeds and houses him for the night.

Also on the road are Brienne and Pod. They’ve stopped at an inn are served by…hey, I know that guy! It’s Arya’s chubby friend from when they were captured by Robin Hood and his Merry Men! Arya’s friend, who won’t shut up, shuts up fast when he hears they’re looking for Sansa Stark. But something about Brienne and Pod makes Chunk trust them, so he lets them know that Arya is still alive, last seen with The Hound. Brienne and Pod come to a fork in the road and choose to head right. I’m guessing this is the way to Aunt Crazy’s?

Speaking of Aunt Crazy, Sansa is enjoying a little snowfall and builds the best snow castle I’ve ever seen, a scale model of Winterfell.

snowcastle winterfell mockingbird got

Side note: Those are some cool ass doors in Aunt Crazy’s courtyard. They have this whole 3D optical illusion thing going on with them.

Robin shows up and is impressed with the snow castle, but doesn’t understand why Winterfell doesn’t have a moon door. Robin is also the poster boy for why you shouldn’t coddle your kids too much. He looks like he be knocked over by a stiff breeze or the common cold. Parents, let your children play in the dirt with other kids….or they’ll end up like Robin. Oh, and don’t breast feed them forever. Sansa manages to get along with her cousin/future husband for a little bit when Robin offers to throw anyone who irks her through the moon door, but the good times don’t last long. After Robin ruins snow castle Winterfell trying to add a moon door to it, Sansa slaps him. Nice. Sansa is doing what I’m thinking. Now Sansa, I want you to go find The Red Witch and stab her…

After Robin runs away crying, Sansa realizes she’s probably in deep doo doo. Aunt Crazy already thinks Sansa slept with Littlefinger, and now she beat her over-coddled son. As if Sansa’s one way ticket through the moon door hadn’t already been confirmed, Littlefinger comes by and kisses her, just in time for Aunt Crazy to stroll by and witness it.

Sansa is called to the throne room by Aunt Crazy. Sansa immediately apologizes for kissing Robin, which is not why Aunt Crazy summoned her. You really need to learn to keep your mouth shut, Sansa. Aunt Crazy is already boiling with rage from seeing her niece kiss her husband and tries throwing Sansa through the moon door.

sansa aunt crazy moon door

It looks like the end for Sansa, until Littlefinger shows up at the last second, dressed like Neo from a Matrix sequel  and demands that Aunt Crazy stop. Littlefinger gets very close to Aunt Crazy and tells her not to be jealous of Sansa, as he has only ever loved one woman. Unfortunately for Aunt Crazy, that woman is Sansa’s mother, Crazy’s sister, the late Lady Catelyn Stark. Littlefinger then throws Aunt Crazy through the moon door like he’s Darth Vader and she’s the Emperor at the end of Return of the Jedi. Sadly, the Yub Nub Ewok song doesn’t play during the end credits.

I had one lingering thought after this episode ended, and that’s did Littlefinger kiss Sansa knowing that Aunt Crazy would be walking by at that time? If it were any other character, I’d say it was coincidence. But when Littlefinger’s involved, I feel like coincidence isn’t. Everyone is a pawn to Littlefinger. Well, everyone except Catelyn Stark, and she’s no longer among the living.

moon door