May 4, 2015 by Billy Henehan

Avengers: Age of Ultron – Review (NO SPOILERS)

I’m going to keep this review short and spoiler-free for those of you who haven’t had a chance to see Avengers: Age of Ultron yet. A longer, more detailed review will follow shortly.

Are you asking yourself, “Should I see Avengers: Age of Ultron?” The answer is yes. I wouldn’t rank Avengers: Age of Ultron as the best Marvel Studios movie; that distinction belongs to either Captain America: The Winter Soldier or Guardians of the Galaxy depending on what day you ask me the question. But Avengers: Age of Ultron is good, perhaps as good or just shy of being as good as the first Avengers movie.

The action in the movie is fast-paced and the fight scenes are superbly choreographed. Marvel is really killing it with their fight scenes lately between this movie and the Daredevil Netflix series. The movie is full of great character bits, and introduces us to new interpersonal relationships between the characters. Plus we learn some secrets about one Avenger that completely threw me.

Ultron as a villain was excellent. Ultron is both menacing and creepy. While I liked Loki as the villain in Avengers, I felt like a lot of that movie was the team fighting endless hordes of facelss aliens. But here, we get a central villain that isn’t the pawn of another villain. Ultron is his own man, as he likes to point out repeatedly in the movie.

If you’re a fan of the Avengers comic, I think you’ll be very happy with the way the characters are portrayed. Quicksilver is brash. Cap’s shield bounces off things and returns to him (with a better answer than Cap just being great at throwing it).

Avengers: Age of Ultron is excellent. Overall, I would give it an 8 or 9 out of 10. See it in the theater, and see it in 3D. The 3D in the movie itself is cool, but not game changing. But if you see the movie in 3D, you’ll also see the Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer in 3D and that alone is worth the price of the upgrade.

May 3, 2015 by Billy Henehan

Game of Thrones – S5E4 – Sons of the Harpy – Recap

If you’ve never read one of my recaps before, a few things. I’ve read some of the books, but only up to A Storm of Swords. I don’t want to read past the TV show. I ask that you please respect that, and while I welcome comments, I just ask that you don’t spoil anything that hasn’t happened on the show yet. Also, please forgive my use of nicknames. They started because I couldn’t keep track of all the characters names, and my favorites have continued because I love calling some characters by them.

As the episode starts, Friend Zone steals a boat and rows away with Tyrion tied up onboard. Somewhere else, a bigger boat is sailing. Jamie asks the captain what island they’re passing. He has a moment of quiet reverie when the captain tells him it’s Tarth, the sapphire island. For those not keeping up at home, Brienne is from Tarth. Brienne and Jamie had developed a begrudging friendship when she was escorting Jaime back to King’s Landing. Jaime and Bronn are prepping to sneak into Dorne. Bronn asks Jaime why Jaime has to the one to free Princess Myrcella. When Jamie says Myrcella is his niece, Bronn gets brazen by asking, “Niece?” Oh Bronn, you rule. Bronn then points out that even if Myrcella is Jamie’s “niece,” it still doesn’t explain why Jamie Lannister has to be the one who frees her. Jamie almost quotes N*Sync when he responds, “It~~‘s gonna~~ has to be me.”

Bronn tells Jamie to give Tyrion his regards if he ever sees him again. Jaime’s response to that is, “He murdered my father. If I ever see him, I’ll split him in two. Then I’ll give him your regards.” Damn Jamie, that was cold blooded!

In King’s Landing, the small council is meeting. Cersei is sending Lord Tyrell to the Iron Bank to renegotiate the terms of the kingdom’s debt. So the Iron Bank is China to Westeros’s United States? Am I hearing this right? Lord Tyrell isn’t keen on going, but Cersei insists, saying it’s the order of the king. She assigns Ser Meryn to accompany him. I’m pretty sure Ser Meryn is one of Cersei’s lackeys, so Lord Tyrell must be feeling great about that. The grand maester notes that “The small council grows smaller and smaller.” To which Cersei responds, “Not small enough.” Those Lannisters, cold blooded!

Cersei then meets with the High Sparrow. She wants to give this guy an army. She says that there are miscreants around Westeros who the king can’t deal with, who commit crimes of morality, that for political reasons, even the king can’t deal with. There used to be a Faith Militant in Westerns, but it was disbanded long ago. Cersei wants the High Sparrow to bring it back, and conveniently give him a list of places to start. She’s setting someone up, but whom?

The Sparrows are now dressed in dark robes and have been branded on their forehead. The Sparrows, now the Faith Militant, go to town on the vices of King’s Landing. They smash wine casks and raid whorehouses. Is Cersei going after Littlefinger? This is intercut with what looks like the Faith Militant torturing a tied up man, but in fact they’re branding another member. It’s Cersei’s former fuck-buddy cousin! The Faith Militant grab the Knight of Flowers, with Cersei’s former fuck-buddy cousin leading the charge. Wait, didn’t this guy used to have sex with the Knight of Flowers too? Huh, so it wasn’t Littlefinger Cersei was going after, but rather the Knight of Flowers, now that his dad, Lord Tyrell, is out of town. Littlefinger’s holdings just got caught up in her plot to get at the Tyrells.

Princess Low Cut is pissed! Her brother is in jail. She confronts Tomlin about this, and he pledges to free her brother. Tomlin then goes to his mother to get the Knight of Flowers released. He demands that Ser Loras be freed. Cersei, always drinking wine, tells him to take it up with the High Sparrow.

Tomlin goes to speak to the High Sparrow. He can’t even get an audience with him. The Faith Militant block the steps to the Sept. It looks like the King’s Guard are going throw down with the Faith Militant, until people in the crowd start yelling at Tomlin, calling him a bastard and an abomination. Tomlin retreats. Princess Low Cut isn’t pleased. You can almost see the exact moment when Tomlin realizes he’s not going to be getting any sex in the near future.

Stannis and Mrs. Stannis are talking to each other on the steps of Castle Black, watching Jon train his men. This seems like a throwaway conversation, but in the hunt for Jon Snow’s parentage, gives us a subtle clue. Mrs. Stannis calls Jon the offspring of a tavern slut, and Stannis responds, “Perhaps, but that wasn’t Ned Stark’s way,” as if Stannis has his doubts as to what’s been popularly accepted as Jon’s backstory. I think we should have doubts too.

Later, Jon is signing letters asking for lords to send more men to the Watch. He doesn’t want to send Roose Bolton a letter, considering what Bolton did to the Starks, but Sam rightly points out that they can’t defend the wall with 50 men. Roose Bolton is Warden of the North. They need his help. Jon reluctantly signs. As Sam leaves, Smoky Vajayjay enters Jon’s office. She wants Jon to ride south. She then strips for him. Is she trying to make another shadow creature? She even talks to Jon about the “power to cast shadows” as she’s tracing his fingers along her naked body. Jon turns her down, to which she responds, “You know nothing, Jon Snow.” Whoa.

We find out how Stannis’s daughter got her grayscale affliction in this episode thanks to a conversation between father and daughter. It was from a contaminated doll that Stannis bought from a Dornish wandering salesman. I’m not clear if the Dornish salesman was trying to kill her or not. Regardless, Stannis explains how he tried everything in his power to save his daughter’s life. He could have sent her away, but refused, because she is a princess and his daughter. For the first time in forever, his daughter doesn’t feel like a cast out monster. Stannis Baratheon, ladies and gentlemen. Father of the year.

Sansa is in the crypt under Winterfell. She lights a candle at the statue of her Aunt Lyanna. Littlefinger joins her. He says that she’s like her aunt Lyanna, in reference to being down here lighting the candles. This scene gives us a story that was somewhere in the first three books. It’s a story about a joust between Rhaegar Targarian and Ser Bariston Selmy at the end of a tourney. Rhaegar won the joust, and after he did, he rode past his wife and dropped a crown of roses on Lyanna’s lap instead of his own wife’s lap. At this point, Lyanna was already promised to Robert Baratheon. Sansa notes that after Rhaegar chose her aunt, he kidnapped her and raped her. But did he really? Kidnap her, that is? Or were Rhaegar and Lyanna having an affair? Did that affair produce an offspring? Is that offspring the man who everyone thinks is the bastard of Ned Stark?

Littlefinger tells Sansa he’s leaving. He’s being summoned to King’s Landing. He outlines for Sansa how to take down the Boltons. He doesn’t give her a step by step plan, but gives her enough to plot her revenge.

Bronn and Jaime row to shore in the cover of darkness. They hide their boat. In the morning, Jamie wakes to see Bronn throwing a knife at his head…wait, not at his head, but at the viper about to bite his head. As they eat cooked viper, Bronn notes, “That would have been a shit way to die.” Jamie gets the best line of the episode with “As far as I’m concerned, they’re all shit ways.” As they set off on foot, Bronn worries that the captain of the ship will sell them out. As they’re discussing this, four men on horseback approach them. Looks like Bronn was right. Bronn asks Jaime how man he can take. Jaime says, “One…if he’s slow.” Bronn tries to talk to men into letting them go, but they’re not having it. Bronn earns his keep by immediately killing three of the men. He leaves the last one for Jaime. Jamie doesn’t fare well in this sword fight until he manages to catch the Dornishman’s sword in his metal hand. I like this new move of his. But man, what was Bronn going to do if Jamie died here?

Somewhere else along the Dornish shore, a rider meets up with three warrior girls. The rider unmasks. It’s Slutty Princess Leia. These girls are Oberin’s daughters, Nim, Obarah and something I didn’t catch. They have Jamie’s ship’s captain buried in the sand up to his neck. Huh, it looks like those guys who found Jamie and Bronn did it on dumb luck since these girls have the captain. One of the daughters gives a speech about Oberin teaching her how to fight. She punctuates the story by hurling her spear with pinpoint accuracy through the captain’s head. Now that is how you finish a story! These girls are like the Wu-Tang Clan: they ain’t nothing to fuck with.

Tyrion wants Friend Zone to ungag him. He sings through his gag until Jorah is annoyed enough to take the gag off. Tyrion asks who he is, but Friend Zone is being cagey. Tyrion points out that they’re headed the wrong way. They’re going east, and Westeros is west. Friend Zone tells him that he’s not taking him to Cersei, but to Dany. Tyrion deduces Friend Zone’s identity based on his armor. He then deduces exactly how Friend Zone fell out of favor with Dany. Tyrion manages to do what Tyrion does best, which is get under people’s skins, so Friend Zone knocks him unconscious.

Ser Barry tells Dany a bit about her brother Rhaegar. The most important line in this story is when Ser Barry says, “Rhaegar never liked killing. He liked singing.” This doesn’t sound like a man who would kidnap and rape Lyanna Stark. Dario interrupts, the guy who wants the fighting pits reopened is there to meet with Dany.

While Dany meets with this guy, the Sons of the Harpy make their move. They are sneaking through the hidden catacombs of the city. They emerge in a market and start killing wantonly. When the Unsullied approach, a crying woman points which direction the Sons went. As the Unsullied give head in that direction, she stops crying.

The Unsullied are in an empty hallway. Sons of the Harpy appear from all sides, cutting them off. The two groups fight, and there are casualties on both sides. Lots of them. An Unsullied’s helmet is knocked off. It’s Grey Worm. Noooooo, do not kill Grey Worm! In another party of town, two Unsullied are ambushed by eight Songs of the Harpy. They kill the two Unsullied quickly and move on.

Ser Barriston hears the warming bells and sees people fleeing. Like a true hero, he walks towards the direction of the trouble.

Grey Worm is taking hits. He’s stabbed multiple times, but keeps fighting. All of the Unsullied that he is with are dead. He’s fighting like an injured bull, sloppily, but still dangerous. When it looks the bleakest for Grey Worm, Ser Barriston makes the save, cutting through the Sons. See Barriston is a beast! This guy was the oldest serving knight in King’s Landing before being sent away and he is plowing through the Sons of the Harpy like they are nothing. Dude is straight Jedi. It’s like watching Obi-Wan fight Darth Vader in Star Wars. This gives Grey Worm renewed hope, and he fights back. But the Sons are two much even for Ser Bariston. He’s stabbed in the leg by one Son and the back by another. Neither will live to tell the tale, as Ser Barriston dispatches them both. But a third Son gets the better of him and is about to slit his throat before Grey Worm saves Barry, killing that final Son of the Harpy. Grey Worm falls on Ser Barriston, trying to check on him, but Ser Barriston is unconscious, or dead, I’m not sure, and then Grey Worm immediately passes out in a pool of his own blood. Nooooooo! Are we losing Barry and Grey Worm in the same week?!? Come on, GRRM!

April 29, 2015 by Billy Henehan

How To Buy NYCC Tickets!

The day we’ve been waiting for it finally here. Reed Pop announced today to buy New York Comic Con tickets this year. There have been big changes from last year to the Retail Partner Program, so make sure you read all the details below. The Saturday ticket and Kids ticket prices have stayed the same, but every other ticket has seen a price increase from last year. Thursday increased by $5 from $35 to $40. Friday and Sunday have also gone up $5, from $45 to $50. It’s interesting that Friday and Sunday are now the same price as Saturday. Usually Saturday is more expensive because it’s seen as “the” day to go. The multi-day tickets both jumped $10, for $65 for the 3-Day and $95 for the 4-Day to $75 and $105 respectively. There are two VIP packages, both of whose details are outlined on the NYCC website. The two packages sell for $215 and $525.

There are three ways to buy tickets to NYCC this year: 1) Online 2) At Special Edition: NYC 3) From Midtown Comics. I’m breaking down each option in this post.

ONLINE

Online ticket sales will take place on Wednesday, May 13 at 12 noon eastern time on the NYCC website. Unlike the past few years, where VIP Packages, 4-Day Passes, 3-Day Passes and individual day tickets went on sale on different days, everything is going on sale at noon on May 13. Yes, there were a lot of problems last year with the site crashing, and hopefully New York Comic Con addresses that this year, but even with dealing with the site crashes, and tickets showing up as sold out one minute and on sale the next, online remains the best way to secure yourself a ticket. Mark your calendar now. Seriously, like right now. Set an alarm on your phone. You do not want to show up late to this party. Have your credit card out and ready to go. Every second you delay brings you closer to getting locked out of getting a ticket. You can buy up to 10 tickets in an order, but only 4 of any one ticket (4 3-Days, 4 Saturdays, etc).

AT SPECIAL EDITION: NYC

A very limited number of NYCC tickets will be on sale at Special Edition: NYC on June 6 and 7. The rules are strict. You can buy one New York Comic Con ticket. The downside to buying your ticket at Special Edition NYC compared to online is the added cost of a Special Edition: NYC ticket, which is $20 or $30 depending on which day you go (There is also a $50 full-weekend ticket). But this isn’t too much of a downside, because Special Edition: NYC rocks. Special Edition: NYC is like New York Comic Con’s younger, smaller sibling. But don’t let its size fool you. Special Edition: NYC is awesome if you are a comic book fan. Imagine NYCC, but without the video games, actors and wrestlers signing autographs, The Block, etc. It’s like they took Artist Alley and some panel rooms and turned that into a new convention. Special Edition: NYC is very reminiscent of the best smaller comic book conventions of yesteryear, but with A-list guests. Scott Snyder is going to be there. As is Jason Latour and Robbi Rodriguez, and many other creators. If you’re planning on buying your ticket at Special Edition: NYC, get there early. Last year, fans sprinted to the NYCC ticket line right at the opening like they were lining up for a Scott Snyder signing. Those tickets went fast. Expect them to go just as fast this year.

AT MIDTOWN COMICS

Here’s where the ticketing options experienced the most change. The list of retailers selling New York Comic Con tickets has been diminishing over the past few years. This year, there’s only one: Midtown Comics. For the past two years, tickets went on sale at Midtown Comics’ downtown location the day before going on sale everywhere else. Last year, they were the only store that sold 4-Day Passes. This year, they’re the only store selling ANY passes. New York Comic Con and Midtown Comics have not released any concrete details yet as far as date and location are concerned, just saying that tickets will be sold at a special event at Midtown Comics this summer. We don’t know if it will be at all three stores, just the downtown store or what. But I will say this, if you end up relying on Midtown Comics for tickets, be prepared for some serious waiting around Midtown Comics. The last two years, a lot of people slept out overnight (two years ago in the pouring rain!) in order to secure their tickets. The lines were capped early and still lasted hours and hours once tickets went on sale. The following day, when the remaining tickets were divided up among Midtown’s three stores, the downtown store was sold out of 3-Day, 4-Day and Saturday tickets before the store officially opened. I will say this for Midtown Comics, for all the craziness that goes on there when NYCC tickets go on sale, they are so much better organized than every other store that sold NYCC tickets last year. I remember reading about a store in Queens that had a line down the block before it opened, only to turn everyone away, because they pre-sold all their NYCC tickets to their regulars. I was at another store in downtown Manhattan where the owner bragged about holding NYCC tickets back for his regulars. That’s great for his regulars, but against NYCC’s ticket rules. Midtown Comics may have been packed with people trying to buy tickets last year, but Midtown played by the rules while keeping order.

You now armed with the information you need to secure a New York Comic Con ticket for yourself. If you follow my advice outlined above, you’ll hopefully find yourself with a NYCC ticket without having to pay an arm and a leg to a scalper. Good luck, god speed, may the odds be ever in your favor and may the Force be with you.

Written by Nick Doyle.

April 28, 2015 by Billy Henehan

Tuesday Night Comics Podcast Episode 69 – Iceman Comes Out and The Joker is a Juggalo!

Welcome back to an all-new episode of the Tuesday Night Comics podcast, where we’ll be discussing the outing of Iceman in All-New X-Men #40, and the very loud reaction that received on the net. What did you think of Jean outing Bobby?

Making even more headlines may have been this photo of Jared Leto as The Joker in the upcoming Suicide Squad movie, or maybe it’s Jared Leto showing off his juggalo status (ICP forever!). We’re not 100% sure.

All that, plus previews of this week’s comics and reviews of recent comics. Give your ears a treat and listen!

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April 26, 2015 by Billy Henehan

Game of Thrones – S5E3 – High Sparrow – Recap

My recaps of Game of Thrones season 5 continue! The normal rules apply: 1.) I haven’t read past book three in the books, so please do not spoiler anything that has yet to happen in the show in your comments! 2.) Forgive my use of nicknames. I have hard time keeping characters names straight. Now, on with the recap!

When the episode begins, we’re in a room filled with statues of all the gods. The face in the weirwood is here. Various aspects of the seven, the burning heart. Arya is sweeping. Ah, we’re in the house with the black and white door. Jaqen is looking all Jesus Christ Superstar. I keep expecting him to break out into song. He doesn’t. Arya wants to train how to be an assassin, but Jaqen wants her to keep sweeping. It’s a very Mr. Myagi and Daniel-san relationship.

In King’s Landing, Cersei is in a carriage being driven to Tomlin and Princess Low Cut’s wedding. The people outside think it’s Princess Low Cut in the carriage and shout Marjorie’s name. Cersei clearly isn’t enjoying that. I’m getting a very Wicked Queen from Snow White vibe from Cersei right now. If I was Princess Low Cut, I wouldn’t eat any apples offered to me by Cersei.

Marjorie’s wedding dress does justice to her Princess Low Cut nickname. It’s definitely appreciated by Tomlin, who is horny as hell. After they’ve consumated their marriage, Tomlin basically tells Princess Low Cut that he’s DTF all day, every day. Marjorie immediately uses Tomlin’s desire for her to her advantage, casually letting it slide that she thinks it would be a good idea for Cersei to move away.

Cut to Tomlin telling his mom that he’s shipping her off to Casterly Rock…”for her own benefit.” Yeah, that’s it. Not because he’s pussy whipped, but because she would be too sad here. Cersei immediately sees it as a Marjorie plot. The game continues!

Marjorie is eating with her girlfriends when Ceresei comes by. They are as passive aggressive to each other as any daughter-in-law/mother-in-law combo could be. Marjorie tells Cersei, ” I wish we had some wine for you, but it’s a bit early in the day for us.” Cersei marches out of there like she’s Darth Vader. I swear I thought I heard Vader’s music as she was leaving.

We then drop in on the Boltons. Roose and Ramsey are talking. Roose wants Ramsey to take a bride. And that bride is…

SANSA?! Yup, Littlefinger is with Sansa outside of Moat Cailen. Littlefinger doesn’t want to marry Sansa. He wants to marry her to the Boltons. Sansa rightfully points out that Roose Bolton murdered her brother and betrayed her family to the Lannisters. And now Littlefinger wants her to marry his son? She’s shocked, and I can’t blame her. But Littlefinger, ever conniving, says to her, “There’s no justice in the world unless we make it. You loved your family. Avenge them.” He’s basically saying, marry Ramsey and then cut his cock (and head) off. Unfortunately for Sansa, I feel like Littlefinger doesn’t understand how big of a monster Ramsey Bolton is!

Brienne and Pod are spying on Littlefinger and Sansa from a distance. Brienne is still down in the dumps, but Pod manages to cheer her up by saying that he’s proud to be her squire. This changes something in Brienne’s outlook on Pod. She decides that she is going to squire him properly and train him how to be a knight. Pod lights a fire and asks Brienne how she came into Renly’s service. Brienne’s father wanted her to marry and invited suitors over. They were all nice to Brienne’s face, but she caught them maligning her behind her back. Renly was the only one who treated her well, defended her to the others, and danced with her. He made her feel pretty. Pod awkwardly dances around Renly’s sexuality. Brienne gets the second best line of the episode with, “Yes, Pod. He liked men. I’m not an idiot.” Pod asks her what she wants. She wants to kill Stannis for killing Renly.

Stannis is in Jon’s office, er, I mean Lord Commander Snow’s office. Jon turns down Stannis’s offer to lead his army and become Jon Stark. He’ll never be Jon Stark, as much as he wants it to be so. Jon has to figure out what do about the Wildlings. Stannis wants them for his own army, but Jon knows they would never follow Stannis willingly. Davos tries to convince Jon to take Winterfell, saying it would be good for both Stannis and the Night’s Watch. Jon mulls it over.

Meanwhile, back in Braavos, the other sweeping girl gets all up in Arya’s business, asking her “Who are you?” Arya responds, “No one.” The girl then belts out, “I really want to knooooowwwww! Who are you? Who-oo oo-oo.” No, wait, that’s The Who. But yeah, this girl is unrelenting on Arya until Jaqen breaks it up. Jaqen gets asks the mean girl what she was doing and admonishes her, saying that Arya isn’t ready for the test. Arya thinks she is ready and doesn’t understand why Jaqen has her sweeping when she should be learning how to kill.

Jaqen doesn’t let Arya off the hook. Arya says she’s ready to be a Faceless Man, but Jaqen counters that if she really is no one, than why is she dressed in Arya Stark’s clothes and in possession of Arya Stark’s sword. Arya gets the message. She dumps all of her possessions into the sea, her clothes, everything. Well, almost everything. She can’t bring herself to throw Needle into the sea. Instead, she buries Needle under some rocks in some breakers by the water’s edge.

Arya returns to her sweeping. ~~Mr. Miyagi~~ Jaqen walks in, and leads her down some steps to a chamber. Arya’s next round of training is about to begin, but it is definitely not what she was expecting. In the chamber is a dead body and the mean girl from earlier. Jaqen leaves. The mean girl explains they are to strip and wash the body. Arya asks, “What do we after we wash him?” but receives no answer.

Sansa and Littlefinger visit the Boltons. Some girls, I think they’re Ramsey’s playthings, are throwing Sansa some serious shade and side eye.

Up at Castle Black, Jon, in his first act of Lord Commandership, appoints Brian to dig a latrine, because that “seems like a good job for a ginger.” Everyone laughs. Smh, Jon Snow. When are we going to judge a man for the content of his character and not the redness of his hair? Somewhere in another fictional universe, Ron Weasley is crying.

Jon then names Thorne as the First Ranger. This is huge. Thorne has always been Jon’s biggest enemy in the Night’s Watch, and now Jon is giving Thorne the highest honor he can bestow upon him. Is Jon doing this because he’s the bigger man, and can see past their differences to the fact that Thorne deserves this title more than anyone else in the Night’s Watch? Or is it a political move, designed to keep his enemy close? Maybe it’s a little of both.

It definitely seems like a political move when Jon makes his third decree, sending away Lord Janos to head up a different castle far away. Janos is pissed. He refuses, saying he’ll never take an order from a bastard. He is ready to mutiny and clearly thinks he has Thorne’s support. He doesn’t. Jon orders Janos’s death for his act of treason. Thorne steps aside and lets the brothers take Janos. Did Thorne step aside because it was the right thing to do, recognizing that the Night’s Watch can’t harbor brothers seeking treason against the Lord Commander? Or did he step aside because Jon just made him First Ranger? I think it was more the latter.

Jon calls for Lord Janos’s head. This scene harkens back to the very first episode of the series, when Ned Stark orders the death of the runaway Night’s Watch brother and executes the man himself, telling his sons that the man who orders another man’s death should always be the same one who delivers it. Jon definitely took that to heart, and stands ready with his blade to decapitate Lord Janos, who begs for mercy. Janos’s final words are “I’m afraid. I’ve always been afraid,” which seems to sum up his character perfectly. Remember, it was Janos who was hiding in the cellars during the huge battle against the Wildlings last season.

Stannis watched all of this go down. He shows no expression during any of this, but he can’t not be impressed with Jon Snow as Lord Commander. Stannis himself wbrook no treason, and would sentence a traitor to death just as quickly as Jon did.

The episode then cuts to a weird sex party. The High Septon is picking from whores who are each dressed as a different aspect of the Seven. Whoa, this is seriously fucked up. This would be like the pope picking out whores who were dressed as the Virgin Mary, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Side note: how does one dress as the holy spirit? The Sparrows break up the sexy party, drag the High Septon away and parade him through the streets of Kings Landing completely naked, his hypocrisy laid bare.

Later, at the Small Council meeting, the High Septon complains about what the Sparrows did to him and wants their leader, the High Sparrow, killed. Cersei doesn’t take him too seriously, knowing what he was up to when the Sparrows abducted him.

Still, Cersei pays a visit to the Sparrows and finds herself talking to the High Sparrow. The High Sparrow is a very old man, who kind of looks like the pervy neighbor that is always hitting on Chris in Family Guy. You know, this guy.

The High Sparrow is feeding the homeless. He’s there to serve the people, not serve himself, unlike the High Septon. Cersei, showing that she is not in fact 100% made of stone, wants to make the High Sparrow the new High Septon.

Back at the Bolton stronghold, Sansa walks right past Reek. She doesn’t notice him, but he definitely notices her. It’s hard to tell if the small part of him that is still Theon Greyjoy recognizes her as Sansa Stark, or if it’s just Reek realizing she’s someone from his past. I wonder if Reek will aid Sansa in her revenge against he Boltons. Lord knows they both have motivation. Or is Theon so far gone that he’ll end up undermining Sansa? I’d like to see him make a last minute save of Sansa from Ramsey, perhaps gutting Ramsey in the process.

Littlefinger meets with Ramsey and then with Lord Bolton. Maybe Littlefinger once truly did love Catelyn Stark, but now I think the only one he truly loves is himself, and the accumulation of more gold and more power for himself. I think it’s this season that we really are seeing the differences between Littlefinger and Varys. While they are both lying snakes in the grass who are each working their own agenda at all times, I get the feeling that Varys is doing what he is doing to bring about what will be a better Westeros in his eyes. Littlefinger, on the other hand, just wants what’s best for Littlefinger. Varys has no interest in sitting on the Iron Throne himself, but you can’t help but get the feeling after seeing all of Littlefinger’s machinations over the seasons laid bare, that Littlefinger’s ultimate goal is his own butt sitting on the Iron Throne.

Speaking of Varys, he and Tyrion are travelling in a wheelhouse. Know that expression, that isn’t my wheelhouse? Ever wonder what an actual wheelhouse was? Well, here you go. Tyrion is bored. He wants out of the wheelhouse. Varys advises against it, but can’t stop him. They’re travelling through this incredibly tall city built on a bridge. It makes for quite the cool visual. Tyrion exits the wheelhouse to explore the city on foot, with Varys trailing behind him.

The city is full of slaves who have their jobs tattooed on their faces. Imagine if people had tattoos like that today. What would be a good tattoo for a Game of Thrones recapper? A keyboard? An angry comment box?

An Asian red priestess is preaching to the masses. She spots Tyrion, and it seems that she realizes who she is. Tyrion notices her noticing him. He ducks into his favorite of ducking into spots, the local brothel. The guard at the door rubs Tyrion’s head, saying “It’s good luck to rub a dwarf’s head.” Tyrion responds with the best line of the episode, “It’s even better luck to suck a dwarf’s cock.” Inside the brothel, a whore is dressed as Dany. This makes Dany a popular choice for comic book convention cosplayers and the whores of Westeros.

Whoa, Jorah Friendzone is in the whorehouse! What’s Friendzone doing here? I wonder how many times he’s hired the Dany whore. I’m guessing that’s where most of his money goes. Tyrion chooses a non-Dany whore, but once they are alone, he can’t bring himself to have sex with her. It’s like his falling in love with a whore, being betrayed by her and then strangling her to death has somehow affected him. Weird…

Tyrion pees off a wall on the side of the whorehouse. This guy really likes peeing off of walls. First, The Wall in season 1, and now the (small w) wall here. As he’s peeing, Friendzone ties a rope around him and gags his mouth. Friendzone then declares, “I’m taking you to the queen.” WHICH QUEEN?!? Cersei? Dany? The local drag queen (who as it turns out also dresses as Dany)? Find out next week (I hope)!

April 21, 2015 by Billy Henehan

Tuesday Night Comics Podcast Episode 68 – Archie Vs. Predator Reviewed! Convergence Week 3 Previewed!

Dave and Billy return to preview new comics for the week of Wednesday, April 22, 2015, including week three of DC Comics’ Convergence event and the first issue of Thrilling Adventure Hour: Beyond Belief from Image comics.

The guys also review their recent reads, including Archie vs. Predator #1 and Rebels #1, both from Dark Horse, and discuss the Star Wars and Batman vs. Superman trailers that dropped this weekend.

So much comic goodness for your ear canals!

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April 19, 2015 by Billy Henehan

Game of Thrones – S5E2 – The House of Black and White – Recap

Arya is sailing on her boat to Braavos. They sail under that giant statue of a titan that is one of my favorite parts of every Game of Thrones opening. The captain says that the titan defends Braavos. Arya is experienced enough to realize that statues don’t to defend anyone.

When they arrive in Braavos, Arya is left in front of a building with a black and white door. An old black man opens the door. He turns Arya away, even after Arya presents her coin to him. After the black and white door is shut in her face, Arya throws her coin of the faceless man into the water.

Pod and Brienne have stopped at an inn for some food. Sansa and Littlefinger are dining there. Littlefinger should promote a line of pub food called Littlefingers li’l chicken fingers, but I digress. Pod spots Littlefinger and Sansa. Brienne introduces herself, and it goes poorly. But Brienne’s frustrated with her quest, and isn’t going to let Littlefinger’s men get in the way of her and Sansa. In classic Pod fashion, he loses control of his horse and goes galloping away during the fight. This gives us more time to focus on Brienne’s sword fight, where she breaks her opponents sword in half with her own. Half of Ice is quite the sword.

In King’s Landing, Cersei has summoned Jaime. When he arrives, she has him finger a box. Not that box, you perv! The box springs open to his touch and a menacing viper is revealed. Wait, now I’m not even sure I’m talking about the box on the table or Cersei’s. The viper statue in the box on the table has their daughter Marcela’s necklace on it. It’s clearly a threat, in revenge for the Red Viper’s death at the hands of the Mountain last season.

Bronn and his betrothed are walking along the shore of her family estate. His future wife is a bit of a Debbie Downer, but Bronn rolls with it. Jaime shows up, and Bronn immediately realizes that anything Jaime has to tell him is not going to lead to Bronn having the relaxing day he was planning. It sounds like Jaime is enlisting Bronn to save his daughter. Bronn wants to know what’s in it for him. Jaime tells him a prettier wife and a bigger homestead. Bronn is in. Classic Bronn.

The Red Viper’s former lover, whose name I can’t ever remember so she’ll now be referred to as that Sand lady (because I only remember her last name was Sand…it’s either that or Slutty Princess Leia, your call), is meeting with the Prince of Dorn. He’s in a wheelchair. For some reason, I pictured this guy being much younger, but it looks like he’s the Red Viper’s older brother. Maybe he’s not older and he just looks older. Anyway, that Sand lady (hmmm, I think I do like Slutty Princess Leia better) is pissed and wants revenge on the Lannisters for Oberin’s death. The Sand Snakes are with her. I think the Sand Snakes are Oberin’s daughters. You know what, with all this talk of vipers and sand snakes, I’m going to refer to her from now on as The Baroness, aka the sexiest part of Cobra. If only she would start wearing glasses and go for that sexy librarian look that The Baroness pulled off so well. Ellaria! That’s her name! Damn, I thought the Baroness had a good ring to it…

In Meereen, Daario and the Unsullied are hunting the assassin from last episode. The assassin is a member of the Sons of the Harpy. When the Unsullied can’t find the assassin in the assassin’s home, Daario stabs a wall, causing the assassin to fall through the wall, writhing in pain. Daario is like the Fonz, if you replace jukebox with wall and hip thumping with stabbing. Ayyyyyy…

Dany is trying to figure out what to do with the Son of the Harpy, who is now in custody. Ser Barriston the Brave explains to Dany the story of the Mad King. Maybe calling him the Mad King to his daughter isn’t the best idea? No one every called him Ser Barriston the Tactful. Barriston points out that the usurpers to throne were given plenty of reasons to not trust the king by the king himself, and warns Dany not to go down a similar path.

Tyrion is restless and wants to go out. Varys warns him that it’s not safe. Tyrion brushes Varys’s fears aside, saying “How many dwarves are there in the world? Is Cersei going to kill them all?”

Ironically, a dead dwarf’s head is given to Cersei at that very moment by a bounty hunter at a high council meeting. Unfortunately for the bounty hunter, Cersei recognizes the head as not belonging to her brother. Ah, Lannister family love. Son kills dad. Sister orders a hit on brother. I hope Hallmark comes out with a line of Game of Thrones greeting cards.

At the high council meeting, Cersei, in an attempt to stave off the subterfuge she predicted earlier, assigns new roles and titles to members of the high council. Never let it be said that Cersei isn’t always thinking three moves ahead, which is probably why she’s still alive and Ned Stark is a pile of bones missing a head. Robb Stark too for that matter.

Up at Castle Black, Gilly is learning to read. Stannis’s daughter is teaching her. Mrs. Stannis doesn’t trust Gilly and wants her daughter to stay away from her, which of course just helps show how crazy Mrs. Stannis is, because Gilly might be the nicest character on this show. She’s so nice that it’s amazing she’s still alive. Now that I think about it, Stannis’s daughter might be tied with Gilly as the nicest character on the show. They’ll probably both die within a fortnight.

We learn a bit about Stannis’s daughter’s facial skin affliction in her conversation with Gilly. It seems that this isn’t just severely dry skin, and might be somehow linked to the Others. Gilly makes it sound like Stannis’s daughter is the only person she knows of who has survived it. It sounds like it’s more common up in the North, where the Others have more influence. It’s surprising to me that Stannis’s daughter was struck with it. I wonder if she was born in the North.

Stannis and Davos are meeting with Jon. Stannis is pissed at Jon for killing Mance Raydar. Stannis wanted Mance to suffer. Jon’s willing to take any punishment Stannis has in store, but Stannis tells him that he doesn’t punish men for bravery. Dude, you’re saying that with Davos standing right there! Remember when Davos saved your ass and you rewarded him with a title and the loss of his fingers from the last knuckle down? Doesn’t punish men for bravery…right.

Stannis wants Jon to lead the wildlings for Stannis and retake Winterfell. Jon says that he can’t, the men of the Night’s Watch don’t take sides in royal disputes. Stannis offers to rechristen Jon as Jon Stark. He’d no longer be a bastard and would be the heir to Winterfell. Basically, Stannis is offering Jon all that Jon has ever wanted .

Later, the men fo the Night’s Watch are voting for a new Lord Commander. That bald guy who cowered in the cellars during the big battle at the end of last season nominates Thorne. Thorne is the heavy favorite to win this. Sam nominates Jon, saying that after Thorne was injured int he battle, Jon took charge and is the reason they’re alive today. Despite being a bastard, a lot of the brotherhood likes and respects Jon. The vote ends in a tie between Jon and Thorne. Oh damn, it’s a motherfucking run off, bitch! Oh, nevermind. The maester gets to break ties, just like the Vice President in the Senate. He votes for Jon. Man, everything is coming up Jon today. If he stays in the Night’s Watch, he’s the new Lord Commander. If he leaves, he leaves as Jon Stark, heir to Winterfell.

In the streets of Braavos, Arya kills a pigeon. This scene harkens back to season one, when her Braavosi sword instructer had her chase cats around King’s Landing. Three older boys want her pigeon, and want to also rape her from the look of them. They say that pigeon is worth something. Arya responds with the best line of the episode, “Nothing is worth anything to dead men.” Right before she’s about to kill them, the old black dude from the house with the black and white door shows up, scares the boys off, and gives Arya back her coin. Then his face changes and he’s Jaqen! Arya is as shocked to see him as I am. He tells her, “A man is not Jaqen H’ghar.” I swear, Jaqen is Yoda, if Yoda was an assassin. Jaqen tells Arya that he is “no one, and that is what a girl must become.” I’m telling you, Yoda.

One of Dany’s men kils the Son of the Harpy assassin who is awaiting trial. Dany is not happy. He was her prisoner, for her to do with as she saw fit, and she wanted him to stand trial, but now he’s dead. Dany says the law is the law, and arrests the assassin’s killer for murder. She makes a public example of him. In front of the former masters and slaves, Dany orders his death. The former slaves plead with her, but her mind is made up. Daario delivers his death. The people are not happy. They hiss at Dany and throw rocks at the former masters. Dany might be facing an uprising or a civil war. The Unsullied protect and help her flee the square. Just when she’s at her low point, Drogon, the black dragon, returns. She’s happy to see him. But just as quickly as he arrives, he flies off again. I wonder how happy Dany will be when Tyrion shows up. I doubt she’ll greet him with the same smile with which she greeted Drogan.

April 14, 2015 by Billy Henehan

Tuesday Night Comics Podcast Episode 67 – iZombie! Convergence! Archie Vs. Predator?!

It’s Tuesday, which means it’s time to talk comic books and preview new comics coming out this Wednesday, April 15, 2015. Between Convergence and the quite possibly the oddest crossover in the history of Archie Comics, we have a lot of new comic books to talk about this week.

Plus, Dave and Billy both read iZombie Vol 1 by Chris Roberson and Mike Allred, and give their reviews, plus their thoughts on the pilot episode of the iZombie TV series. If you’d like to play along at home, the guys will be reading iZombie Vol 2 for next week’s episode.

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April 13, 2015 by Billy Henehan

Game of Thrones – S5E1 – The Wars to Come – Recap

Like a corpse reanimated by the White Walkers, I’m back! Much has changed since my last Game of Thrones recap. I’ve read the books, well some of them. I’ve read the first three books in A Song of Ice and Fire. I’m now caught up in the books to the end of season 4 on the show. I didn’t want to read past the show, so normal rules apply: Please do not leave comments with spoilers for events that have happened in the books, but have not yet happened in the show.

I watch Game of Thrones on HBO Go. We got a “Previously on Game of Thrones” for the first time ever on HBO Go this week, bringing up scenes from as far back as season 1, episode 1. Do the TV viewers always get a “Previously on…” or is this a new thing for everyone?

I cannot tell you how excited I am that Game of Thrones is back. Even having Daredevil to take my mind off the return of Game of Thrones only worked so much. By Sunday morning, I was humming the opening theme to Game of Thrones, counting down the hours until 9 PM. I rewatched the final episode of last season. In the months between its first airing and my rewatching, I forgot how good an episode that is.

But we’re not here to talk about the end of season four. We’re here to talk about the start of season five. The opening title sequence looks new. They made some changes, right? I need to watch each season’s title sequence one after the other. I feel like they’re different each season, but I can’t think of specific examples off the top of my head. Wait, Pentos. Is Pentos new this season?

The episode opens on two girls, a blonde and a brunette. Crap, I accidentally cued up Into the Woods instead of Game of Thrones. The young blonde girl is dressed and has her hair styled similar to Cersei Lannister. Oh wait, that is Cersei. Huh, apparently Cersei is one of those people who found a look when she was 12 and stuck with it for the rest of her life. If I was like that, I’d still be walking around with spiky hair, a batman t-shirt and a denim jacket filled with superhero pins. Hmm, on second thought, there’s nothing wrong with people finding their defining look at age 12 and sticking with it forever. Those people are totally normal and shouldn’t be judged. Now excuse me while I get back to folding my Batman t-shirts…

Cersei and her friend go to a witch’s hut. Cersei wants to know her own future. To tell her future, the witch needs Cersei to prick her own finger and let the witch taste the blood. I’m not quite sure what the witch is getting out of this, unless she really likes the taste of blood freely given. Maybe she just likes the looks on the faces of people when she tells them riddles about their futures where every good thing is weighed down by a slew of bad things. Cersei finds out gems like yes, she will be queen, but she won’t have any children with the king, even though the king will have 20 children. She will have 3 children of own though. They’ll wear crowns of gold and shrouds of gold, a feat of poetry which makes the witch cackle. Lesson learned: never go to fortune tellers.

We jump to the present and preparations are being made for Tywin’s funeral. Tywin is laid out in the sept, and has those creepy, open-eyed stones on his eyes. Jaime is watching his father’s body. Cersei walks in. Who else thought the two of them might be DTF next to their dad’s dead body? What? It’s these two, don’t judge me for thinking that!

Tyrion is still in the crate we last saw him enter at the end of season 4. We get a cool crate’s eye view of Tyrion’s travels, first on boat, then on land. Eventually, Varys lets him out of the crate. Tyrion doesn’t understand why he couldn’t let him out sooner. Varys says it was for their own protection. I think it’s half that, half Varys likes to be a dick sometimes. Tyrion says Varys doesn’t know what it’s like to have to poke your own shit through the hole of a crate. Varys counters that Tyrion doesn’t know what it’s like to have to pick up that shit every time and fling it overboard without people noticing. They’re in Pentos at Illyrio’s house. You might remember Illyrio from waaaaayyyyy back in season one as the guy who arranged the marriage of Dany to Khal Drogo.

Speaking of Dany, we cut to Meereen, where one of her Unsullied is off to meet with a whore. Say what? Are they suddenly sulliable again? No, he pays to cuddle with a whore. No sex. She strokes his head like a mother’s touch. It’s almost sweet until a gold-faced assassin slips in and slits his throat.

Up at Castle Black, both Sam and Gilly look thinner. I don’t know if this is to show they’re running low on food at Castle Black, or if both actors just wanted to get in a little bit better shape in the off season.

Alliser Thorne is the Acting Head Crow In Charge.

Jon is training the kid that killed Ygritte in sword fighting. Man, that has to be awkward. Sensing things weren’t awkward enough, Smoky Vajayjay, Stannis’s firecrotched witch, escorts Jon Snow to Stannis. On the way, she asks him if he’s a virgin. When is that question ever not awkward? He mutters no. She tell him, “Good.” She’s such a weirdo.

Stannis wants Jon to convince Mance to bend a knee to Stannis and have his people join his army to take back Winterfell. Jon knows Mance won’t bow a knee to anyone. Stannis, ever the flexible negotiator, says no problem. Just kidding, Stannis is as rigid as the pole up his own ass. If Mance doesn’t bend the knee, Mance dies.

We check in on Littlefinger and Sansa. They’re watching Sansa’s sickly cousin Robin Arryn train. Robin’s not doing well. It’s noted that “he swings his sword like a girl with palsy.” Ouch. Sansa has grown approximately 8 ft since season 4 ended. She towers over Littlefinger.

Since we’re on the subject of tall women of Westeros, Brienne of Tarth isn’t doing well. After being shunned by Arya, she’s ready to call it a day. She tells Pod to leave her, that they’ll never find Sansa, and that “the good lords are dead and the rest are monsters.” Ironically, while she’s wallowing in self-pity, Sansa and Littlefinger drive right past them. D’oh. Littlefinger tells Sansa he’s going to take her “to a land so far from here, where even Cersei Lannister can’t get her hands on you.”

Cersei hates the Tyrells. She’s convinced they’re all just biding their time for her father’s funeral to be over to make a power play. It’s like they say, you’re not paranoid if everyone really is out to get you. Cersei’s cousin shows up at the funeral. He’s a Lannister, but he’s dressed like Varys, if Varys was homeless. He’s a “Sparrow.” It’s some kind of religious order. Wait a second, this is the cousin from a few seasons ago that Cersei fucked when Jaime was missing? The one that looked like the Little Dutch Boy logo? Is this a new actor or do the Sparrows hold their meetings in Westeros gyms?

Jon meets with Mance Rayder. Jon tries his hardest to convince Mance to take the knee for the sake of Mance’s people, but Mance knows that if he does take the knee, his people will immediately turn his back on him. He would rather die on his feet than live on his knees. Jon is sad, because he likes and respects Mance, and knows Stannis will yield nothing and kill Mance if Mance refuses.

The Knight of Flowers, who you may remember as being Princess Low Cut’s brother, Princess Low Cut’s husband’s lover and now Cersei’s betrothed is naked with some dude. Princess Low Cut walks in on them. I feel like I should just call her Marjorie here for two reasons: she’s not wearing a low cut dress (it is a funeral after all) and since reading the books, I’m getting better at remembering character names. Still, I really do love that nickname for her. In this scene, I definitely get the feeling that Marjorie is her grandmother’s granddaughter, and that she might try to kill Cersei.

At Illyrio’s house, Varys and Tyrion are discussing the future of Westeros. Varys says they need someone on the Iron Throne who is stronger than Tomlin but gentler than Stannis. Tyrion wishes him good luck on finding a man like that. Varys says the famous line from the season 5 trailer, “Who said anything about a man?” Varys gives Tyrion the choice of heading to Meereen to meeting Dany or drinking himself to death at Illyrio’s house. Tyrion compromises by asking if he can drink himself to death on the road to Meereen.

In Meereen, the former slave masters are petitioning for the reopening of the fighting pits. Slaves used to fight to the death in the pits. Dany isn’t having it, even if it would be free men fighting. Later, in bed, Daario makes his pitch for the fighting pits reopening, saying the pits made him into the man he is today. Side note, there is a lot of man ass this episode. Put some pants on, Daario.

Drogon, the black dragon, is still missing. Dany visits her other dragons. They snap at her, acting angry for being locked away for so long. They don’t try to kill her, so surely they still recognize their mother. Still, it’s obvious that Dany now fears them.

At Castle Black, Mance is brought before Stannis, in front of all of Mance’s head people, Stannis’s captains, and the crows of the Night’s Watch. Unsurprisingly, Mance doesn’t take the knee. Stannis’s men tie him to a stake and start the fire. I find myself hoping that the Lord of Light will somehow make Mance immune to the flames. Weirder things have happened on this show. Sadly, Mance is not immune and starts to burn. Jon can’t watch. He walks away. Suddenly, two arrows pierce Mance, killing him. Jon fired the arrows, a final act of mercy to Mance Rayder. RIP Mance Rayder, you’ll be missed.

April 10, 2015 by Billy Henehan

Agents of SHIELD – S2E16 – Afterlife – Recap

The episode opens on a used car lot. A low rent Buddy Garrity is trying to get Coulson in a muscle car. When Coulson says he more interested in a SUV and points one out that he’s like to pay cash for, the salesman says he has an even better SUV for him. Hilarity ensues when Hunter drives up in said SUV. The salesman threatens to call the cops, which leads to him being iced/night-nighted by Coulson. Side note, the icer made a bang noise when Coulson pulled the trigger. Maybe I was wrong last week about the first Real SHIELD agent who fired at Skye. Maybe he was using an icer. Shaved head jerkface was totally firing a real gun though.

Speaking of Skye, she wakes up nearly naked on a table, with glowing acupuncture needles sticking out of her. Ooo, you usually have to pay extra for the glowing needles. She wants to go, but she can’t move. Gordon and a new guy named Lincoln walk in. Lincoln explains terrigenesis to Skye. Over the course of the episode, Lincoln goes deep into explaining terrigenesis to Skye. Here’s what I took away from his talks:

Skye is the first person in a VERY long time to go through terrigenesis with a diviner in a Kree temple.
Usually candidates for terrigenesis are selected by a council. They don’t choose for themselves when they’re worthy.
Skye cutting the terrigenesis line has some people if not angry, then at least intrigued.
The process is irreversible.

Skye is really unhappy about that last point.

At Coulson’s base, now home to Real SHIELD, Gonzalez and Bobbie are discussing the end of last week’s episode. Calderon is down. Finally, I can stop calling him shaved head jerk face. Gonzalez calls Skye a thing. Bobbie defends her, but Gonzalez is clearly paranoid about superhumans.

Fitz wants out of SHIELD. He wants no part of Real SHIELD if it means hunting down his friends.

Coulson and Hunter heads to Banner’s Bunker and survey the scene. Hunter is shocked when he sees Gordon in action. Real SHIELD shows up at the cabin. Hunter is shocked as I am that Coulson invited them there. As Hunter is gearing up, Coulson says “Icers only.” The people coming for them are still SHIELD agents. Hunter doesn’t like their chances. Coulson tells him not to worry, he has reinforcements coming, well a reinforcement.

Lincoln sets Skye up in her room and gives her a tour. They’re somewhere in the Himalayas from the looks of it (and from knowing my Inhumans history). Only Gordon knows exactly where they are. The name of the place is Li Shi, which translates roughly into Afterlife (Hey, that’s the episode title!). I was really hoping it would be called Attilan. For those of you who don’t read the comics, Attilan is where the Inhumans live. No one actually lives in Afterlife. It’s more of a way station. Lincoln is from Ohio. He only popped in to help out with Skye’s transition. Skye spots a building like the one she was in. Lincoln says that’s another transition room, but one that they don’t use anymore. Uh-huh, sure Lincoln. It seems even money that either Skye’s dad, or a porcupine faced former Hydra employee is in there.

Lincoln’s power is electricity. He’s like a more suave Electro. He can make Skye float, literally. He uses static electricity to make her levitate off the ground.

Gonzalez meets with May. He wants to know if she’s loyal to Coulson or to SHIELD, but to May, Coulson and SHIELD are one and the same.

Bobbie convinces Simmons to help Real SHIELD open up Fury’s toolbox. Apparently, there’s no hard feelings about Simmons knocking out Bobbie in the previous episode. When Fitz finds out that Simmons is helping Real SHIELD unlock the toolbox, he flips. He marches up to Simmons and goes off on her, telling her that she must have known this betrayal would seal his leaving. Simmons gets overly harsh on him and basically tells him that maybe he doesn’t belong there anymore, kind of a you can’t quit, I’m firing you. Watching this scene, I couldn’t help by get the feeling that FitzSimmons is playing RealSHIELD.

Real SHIELD breaks into the cabin and finds Coulson and Hunter playing cards. Wait, they’re holograms! Phil Coulson must be a big fan of the Christopher Reeves Superman movies, because this right out of Gene Hackman’s Lex Luthor’s playbook. Just switch out cards for chess.

Crazy Kyle is still in the room Gordon left him in a couple of episodes ago. His hands are bloodied. He’s been trying to escape, unsuccessfully. When Gordon ports in, Crazy Kyle screams at him. Gordon cuts him off, telling Kyle he’s lucky they kept him alive, and that not only has Kyle sealed his own fate with his behavior, but he sealed his daughter’s fate as well. Ruh-roh.

Coulson now pulls from the Wizard of Oz playbook, as Hunter and he dress up as Real SHIELD strike team members. They get caught faster than Dorothy and friends did. Luckily, Coulson’s back up arrives. It’s Deathlok! Whoa, I did not see that one coming! I thought we were being set up for another Lady Sif guest appearance. Deathlok’s costume and abilities have both been upgraded. He doesn’t look like the comic book version of Deathlok, but he definitely looks cooler than he did in the first season.

When Gonzalez finds out about Coulson’s escape, he says he has “one last bargaining chip left. Bring me The Bus and Agent May.”

Skye and Lincoln are getting their flirt on. Is this a new love interest for Skye? How many love interests has Skye had in this series so far? I’m not judging. You do you, Skye. Lincoln brags that he once warmed up a pool with his powers. Skye is both unimpressed and gets the best line of the episode when she tells him, “Any five year old can warm up a pool.” Lincoln’s game is squashed when accidentally reveals that Raina is in Afterlife. There’s nothing like saying you’re housing one of your date’s worst enemies to kill the mood. And then we get the holy shit moment of the episode, when it’s revealed Skye’s mom is also at Afterlife.

Skye confronts Raina. She starts to quake out, but is calmed down when Jah Ying, aka Skye’s mom, shows up. Jah Ying defends Raina’s right to be at Afterlife as much as Skye’s. Skye wants out, but Jah Ying offers to be Skye’s guide. Lincoln looks legitimately surprised by this, and I can’t quite figure out why. Is it because he thought he was going to be Skye’s guide? Is it because Jah Ying is so high up on the totem pole that he wouldn’t expect her to be Skye’s guide? It would be like Nick Fury being a new agent’s trainer. Or maybe it’s a little of both reasons. Jah Ying does not tell Skye that she is her mother.

Once Skye is calmed down, Gordon takes Jah Ying to Crazy Kyle. She calls him Cal. Right, I can never remember his name. I think this is only the second time since his first appearance on the show that someone has called him Cal. Jah Ying hugs Cal. I expect her to knife him during this hug, but that doesn’t happen.

Gonzalez meets with May in the conference room of an aircraft carrier. I did not know aircraft carriers had conference rooms. I’m not saying I don’t believe they do, I just never gave it much thought. Gonzalez slides May a gun. He says she can shoot him if she likes, but he would like her to sit on the Real SHIELD board instead. With Coulson in custody, Phil will need someone to look out for him. May accepts and slides him back his gun, saying there was no need for theatrics; she knows he knows better than to give her a gun that was actually loaded. Gonzalez surprises May when he pulls from the gun a full clip and a bullet in the chamber.

Fitz leaves. Real SHIELD security pats him down. THEN Simmons slides his backpack on him. Even I can see this is some lax security. Hand the guy a bag after he goes through security? Real SHIELD…smh. Fitz leaves.

Deathlok tells Hunter and Coulson that he’s been trailing someone named List, a Hydra head. List is looking for people with powers. Have we met List before. I don’t think we have. Coulson wants to find Skye before Hydra does, so he needs the one person connected to both Skye and Hydra…Grant Ward. Oh boy.

Simmons can’t open the toolbox. Fitz gets in a cab. In his backpack is the real toolbox. I wonder when he realized Simmons was playing Real SHIELD. Was it when he pulled up the 3D schematic while he was packing? And how did Simmons make such a believable copy of the toolbox? It has to be more than just 3D printed and painted, right? That would only buy her so much time. More importantly, FitzSimmons is back! Yes! This is punctuated by Fitz also finding a prosciutto and mozzarella sandwich with just a hint of pesto aioli from Simmons in his bag. FitzSimmons forever!

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Avengers: Age of Ultron – Review (NO SPOILERS)

Game of Thrones – S5E4 – Sons of the Harpy – Recap

How To Buy NYCC Tickets!

There are three ways to buy tickets to NYCC this year: 1) Online 2) At Special Edition: NYC 3) From Midtown Comics. I’m breaking down each option in this post.

ONLINE

AT SPECIAL EDITION: NYC

AT MIDTOWN COMICS

Tuesday Night Comics Podcast Episode 69 – Iceman Comes Out and The Joker is a Juggalo!

Game of Thrones – S5E3 – High Sparrow – Recap

Tuesday Night Comics Podcast Episode 68 – Archie Vs. Predator Reviewed! Convergence Week 3 Previewed!

Game of Thrones – S5E2 – The House of Black and White – Recap

Tuesday Night Comics Podcast Episode 67 – iZombie! Convergence! Archie Vs. Predator?!

Game of Thrones – S5E1 – The Wars to Come – Recap

Agents of SHIELD – S2E16 – Afterlife – Recap