Monthly Archives: November 2011

by

On The Couch 2011 #28: Human Centipede

It was Halloween, so we threw on a horror movie. It was Human Centipede.

I don’t have much to say about Human Centipede, other than it was the most boring movie I’ve seen this year. I don’t know if there is another movie whose level of disgustingness and shock value is just as high as its level of sheer mind-numbing boringness.

So much of Human Centipede is this guy standing in his yard. He doesn’t move.
Is this a still or are you watching the movie right now? How can you tell?

I have no idea how I managed to stay awake through this entire movie. Human Centipede is a movie where nothing happens for entire scenes.

More happened in my last paragraph than in large parts of Human Centipede.

There was one exciting scene in Human Centipede, where one of the captured girls makes a break for it. Suspense was briefly high during that, but immediately grinds to a standstill once that scene ends.

If you decide to watch Human Centipede, you’ll need to pass the time. I recommend this drinking game. Take a drink every time Lindsay or Jenny addresses each other by name. You’ll be blackout drunk by 20 minute mark, with the plus side being you won’t remember any of this movie the next day.

by

On The Couch 2011 #27: We Are Wizards

The title of the documentary We Are Wizards shares its name with a song by MC Kreacher, a rapper in the growing music scene known as Wizard Rock. A few of the music acts that populate Wizard Rock are spotlighted in this documentary. Sadly, MC Kreacher is not one of them.

Side note…I went as MC Kreacher to a friend’s Harry Potter themed birthday party this year.

I saw Harry and the Potters, one of the bands in We Are Wizards, live earlier this year. What I liked about them, and their opening act MC Kreacher, is that while their songs are from the point of view of characters in the Harry Potter books and movies, they are also really good songs. They aren’t just novelty acts, they’re making good music.

Harry and the Potters featuring Harry Potter and Harry Potter.

If you have ever seen Harry and the Potters or another Wizard Rock band live, I think you would enjoy seeing We Are Wizards. It focuses on how these groups formed, their preparations for live shows and their thoughts on the whole Wizard Rock genre. My favorite part of the movie might have been when one of the Harrys from Harry and the Potters explains that they used the term Wizard Rock as a joke once to describe their music and were surprised to see other acts embrace the term.

Draco and the Malfoys are another group featured in We Are Wizards. I really enjoyed their story. They formed because Harry and the Potters had to cancel a show, so these two guys formed their own group to perform that night, singing songs from the point of view of Harry’s rival Draco.

If you’re a parent of a young Harry Potter fan and you’d like your child to channel some of their energy into music, I’d recommend sitting your kid down to watch We Are Wizards. The musical acts in a movie come from a wide range of ages, including one that’s a grade-schooler.

The Hungarian Horntails are as bad ass as they are adorable!

As a lifelong Star Wars fan, I find myself a little sad that outside of the occasional song by Weird Al Yankovic and that Chewbacca song from the Clerks soundtrack, there are no Star Wars themed pop songs. Where’s our Jedi Rock? C’mon, you know that Han and the Solos would be a killer band name!

by

On The Couch 2011 #26: Blue Valentine

I said in my review of 50/50 that I didn’t think 50/50 was a depressing movie. Blue Valentine is a depressing movie. It’s half young love story and half fallen out of love story. I now understand why they don’t make sequels to romantic comedies. A good romantic comedy will make you believe in the power and goodness of love, but the movie always ends at that perfect spot when the two new lovers are ready to face the world hand in hand, their lives full of potential. Half of Blue Valentine is the story of what happens after that, when they’re no longer smiling and world has taken a massive dump on them.

Ryan Gosling shows again in this movie why he seems to be universally thought of as a great actor. Can we please get him and Joseph Gordon-Levitt in the same movie? Michelle Williams is perfect here too. The way they each portray their characters at different points in their lives is fantastic.

I love this jacket.

It’s hinted at, but never really explained what caused Dean (Ryan Gosling) and Cindy (Michelle Williams) to fall mostly out of love with each other, they just are. Cindy thinks Dean drinks too much and never realized his potential, but any time she broaches the subject with him he goes off a loud philosophical rant about what’s the meaning of potential anyway. Having a child together very early on in their relationship definitely is one of the causes of strain in their relationship. Dean says as much late in the movie, and it’s evident that’s the reason Cindy is medical tech instead of a doctor.

Anytime Blue Valentine’s story was in the present, I kept waiting for the shift back to the past. It was so much nicer there. Dean and Cindy were cute together and they both had their whole lives in front of them. Even when Dean gets his ass kicked by Cindy’s jealous ex-boyfriend, you knew things were going to be alright. Except they weren’t. But maybe that’s the warning of Blue Valentine for its viewers: You can’t go back to the past, so instead of wallowing there, make today as good as you can. Unfortunately, it’s a message lost on Dean.

I recommend seeing Blue Valentine.

by

At The Theater 2011 #12: 50/50

Wow, 50/50 is good, damn good. I think it is safe to say that if Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in a movie, you should go see it. Look at the list of movies he’s made over the past 10 years: Brick, The Lookout, (500) Days of Summer, Inception, and now 50/50. These are all great movies. Sure, he was Cobra Commander is the horrendous G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra movie, but that exception aside, I think it’s time we all embrace the rule that if Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in a movie, we need to see that movie.

Not to discount Seth Rogen in 50/50. Rogen plays his usual, funny self, and with good reason in this movie. 50/50 is a semi-autobiographical movie written by a friend of Rogen’s and Seth Rogen’s character in 50/50 is largely based on Seth Rogen in real life.

This might be my favorite scene in 50/50.

Anna Kendrick is super cute in this movie. We need more movies where Anna Kendrick is super cute, which basically means more movies with Anna Kendick.

Super cute.

Going into 50/50, I was warned that it is a very depressing movie. After seeing it, I don’t think that depressing is the right term. Adam, Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character, is put through some major ordeals throughout the course of the film, but I found the movie to be a very uplifting tale about the life of a cancer patient. Granted, there are some very sad parts in the movie, but calling 50/50 depressing is like calling Philadelphia depressing. That said, you might want to bring a travel pack of tissues with you into the theater.

50/50 is my favorite movie so far this year, and I feel it’s going to be a hard task for another movie to unseat it. If you haven’t seen it yet, I implore you to go do so. It is that good. Movies tickets are getting pricey these days. Spend your hard earned cash on great one.