Melancholia is told in two parts, each named after one of the two sisters in the movie. The first part, Justine, is about Kirsten Dunst’s character Justine’s wedding, held at the massive estate of her sister, Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) and her brother-in-law, John (Kiefer Sutherland). The wedding doesn’t go well. The bride and groom arrive hours late. Justine is never where she’s supposed to be. Oh, and she fucks some other guy on John’s lawn. So it’s not surprising when her new husband bolts at the end of the night. If only I had his foresight.

The second part of the movie, Claire, is where the movie really becomes doused in Nyquil. Justine, super-depressed, moves in with Claire and John. Justine can’t take of herself, so Claire does. John seems to hate Justine, and as the movie progresses, so do I. Oh, and remember that entire first half of the movie you just watched? It has almost nothing to do with the second half.

When John realizes that the rogue planet Melancholia is not going to do a fly-by and will actually hit Earth, he offs himself. How could you betray me like that, John? Didn’t you think about the viewer, fighting as hard as he could to stay awake, clinging to your snark to get through the movie? Thanks for nothing, dick.

If you suffer from insomnia, Melancholia is a relatively cheap cure.