Tag Archives: Darth Hawaii

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On The Couch 2011 #3: Blue Crush

I ran a half marathon on the morning of the day that I saw Blue Crush. This movie is a testament to what I will sit through instead of forcing my body to get up and find the remote control after I run a half marathon.

It’s really hard to express just how a bad a movie Blue Crush is.

Defenders of the movie will say “You don’t watch Blue Crush for the story. You watch it for the girls in bikinis.” Which girls? Kate Bosworth is the best looking of the trio and that really isn’t saying much. I’ve never found Michelle “DUI” Rodriguez attractive out of a bikini. It turns out nothing changes when you put her in one. And the third girl looks like one of the aliens that created the clone army in Star Wars Episode 2.

It’s hard to tell which one costarred in Blue Crush.

I totally missed that the younger sister was supposed to be 15. She looks like she’s 11. The scenes where older guys are hitting on her were disgusting when I thought she was 11, but still gross when I found out she was 15. Statutory rape isn’t cool any way you slice it.

Hawaii looks really nice in Blue Crush. But that’s no reason to watch this movie. If your goal is to forget about this cold winter by watching a movie set in a tropic locale, watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall instead. It’s funny, has cuter girls, and Paul Rudd is in it, which are three of many things lacking in Blue Crush.

Better movie.
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On The Couch 2011 #1: Fanboys

It’s safe to say that I am the biggest Star Wars fan that a lot of my friends know. I quote lines from the movies. I was incredibly excited to find out that Hasbro was finally releasing the Rocket-Firing Boba Fett action figure. I went a midnight screening of Episode 3 and camped out for tickets to Episode 1.

The sight of childhood dreams realized.

But I’m nowhere near the biggest Star Wars fan that I know. I’ve read a lot of the books, but not even close to all of them. I don’t have any Star Wars tattoos. And I’ve never gone to a convention dressed as a Stormtrooper. The closest I’ve come to that was my Darth Hawaii Halloween costume.

No matter what your level of Star Wars fandom is though, if you’ve ever called yourself a Star Wars fan, you really need to watch Fanboys. It captures the anticipation that was in the lead up to the release of Episode 1 perfectly. The spring of 1999 felt like it was the start of a new golden age if you were a Star Wars fan. We were getting a new movie, the first in a decade and a half, and not only was it a new movie, it was the start of the long rumored, but never realized prequels.

Fanboys has an especially prescient Jar Jar Binks joke. I remember before Episode 1 came out, seeing a Jar Jar Binks action figure at a Philadelphia Wal-Mart and thinking that he was going to be the next Chewbacca. As wrong as I was, a character in Fanboys makes the same error, but on an exponentially worse scale.

Want a fun game to play during Fanboys? Try and spot all of Seth Rogen’s roles in the movie!
I’ve met the people in Fanboys. I know the people in Fanboys. No, not the actors. I know people who are just like the characters here. This movie isn’t as full of caricatures as people might think. It seems like a pretty accurate portrayal of the extreme side of Star Wars fandom.

I loved the little things that were thrown into Fanboys for the Star Wars fans watching the movie. It’s hard to find a scene in the movie that doesn’t have some kind of homage to Star Wars in it. And the trash compactor scene is priceless.