Good news, Orphan Black fans: in this episode, Paul’s back with a vengeance. And by vengeance, I mean shirtless, pantsless and with so many secrets behind those steely blue eyes. But, like, soulful secrets. (Hint: I am not complaining.)

We start off this episode in Rachel’s bloody apartment, where she gives just a hint of humanity when she sees dead Men in Black, before immediately switching back to following the manual from Cold Bitch Digest. Leekie says that security footage shows that Helena and Sarah left together and that Helena is responsible for Men In Black’s death. He blames Rachel’s heavy-handed tactics for what’s happened but Rachel says she’s only just begun. (That’s from Chapter 4 of Cold Bitch Digest: Chilling One-Liners)

Meanwhile Sarah has brought Helena to Felix’s, a rite of passage for Clone Club it seems. She tells Helena that she has to be nice to Felix because she is his brother and is therefore just like one of their sisters. She also asks Felix to bring Helena some clothes, which might make Helena the first woman to switch over from polygamist wedding chic to something pleather and possibly assless. Felix is none too pleased about having to “babysit Ukrainian psycho” while Sarah goes to talk to Kira but, as always, he does as his sister asks him to.

There’s a brief scene of Kira and Cal in the camper. Cal is continuing to charm Kira, but we can see that he’s hiding a gun, several IDs, and a load of cash in the camper. If there’s anything Game of Thrones taught me, it’s don’t trust guys with beards (or bald guys, guys born of incest, guys made of black smoke, guys named after small body parts…actually, anybody. But I digress)…so I don’t like this.

At the DYAD Institute, Rachel, Paul and Leekie are meeting again. Rachel says she needs a new monitor, making it clear that she realized MIB was her monitor all along. She commands Paul to be her new monitor. She then asks Leekie to shut down Cosima’s medical treatments, as incentive for Sarah to come to her.

But at the lab, Delphine has already shown Cosima test results she found with stem cells that match with hers. They wonder why Leekie didn’t tell them about it.

Sarah is in a bar Skyping with Kira, who is giving her mom the cold shoulder and already calling Cal, Daddy. Sarah updates Cal on MIB being dead for good.

Felix takes Helena to Art’s who immediately pats her down and handcuffs her, which has Helena none too pleased. By the way, does Art just not go to work anymore? Does Clone Club have health benefits? And, if so, where can I apply?

We cut to Ranch Prolethean, where we find out that Gracie is being punished for allowing Helena to escape: Big Love and Wife #1 have stitched her mouth shut and put her in a solitary room.

Back at Rachel’s apartment, she is watching the same home videos of herself that Sarah was watching in the last episode. Paul is with her, and she is explaining to Paul what his duties as her monitor entail: essentially that he will report her data to Leekie, but that he works for her.  She explains that though Leekie was her guardian when her parents died, she now outranks him in the Institute and that she will be the one to make the hard choices. She brings up Cal and says she wants to know if he is Kira’s father. She also asks Paul if it bothers him that Sarah is back with the father of her child. Paul says no and Rachel tells him that it’s time for him to make a decision about whose side he’s on. She shows him a gun in a Ziploc—Men in Black’s gun—and says that it can be tied to the murder of a cop. Paul asks her what she needs him to do.

Cut to Art’s where Helena is staring at his goldfish with an ever-present murderous, and hungry, gleam in her eye. Art interrogates her about Maggie Chen and what they did to her at the ranch. Helena isn’t answering but Art knows how to make her talk: the tried-and-true technique gathered from his years of experience as a hard-boiled Canadian cop. That’s right…grilled cheese.

At the ranch, Mark visits Gracie in solitary, bringing her milk to drink out of a straw. She says Big Love is sending him after Helena because they want Helena to carry the child. He advises her to confess about whatever it was that led to Helena escaping, before kissing her. Gracie is obviously smitten.

Back at Art’s, and Helena is partaking in her second favorite activity (after homicidal tendencies)…eating. As she chows down on a mix of mustard, hard-boiled eggs, pickles, powdered doughnuts, and a block of hard ramen noodles (I think Helena would have really thrived in American dorm life), she tells Art that Maggie Chen had a locker, but asks how this information will help her “sestra.”

And now…it’s time for Felix’s getting-dressed-for-a-date montage. Set to Tears for Fears. Because this show is the greatest (and because I’ve come to the conclusion that Felix was Pretty in Pink’s Duckie in another life). Felix’s hot date is the coroner from Season 1, but just as things are about to get steamy, the cops bust in with a search warrant for his place. Sarah is approaching the building just as the coroner is being dragged away by a cop, so she shrewdly hides.

Back at the apartment, we see that the cops are actually followed by Paul. Felix asks him if he’s Team Rachel now, while Paul carefully puts on a glove, pull out a gun, and asks Felix if he was in Cal’s cabin. Felix is incredulous that Paul would use a gun on him but, before he knows it, Paul has fired off a shot, and is wrestling Felix onto the couch until he has made Felix hold the weapon (which, of course, is the same gun that Rachel told him shot the cop). Then he calls Sarah on the green clone phone and tells her that he has a cop waiting to find the weapon with Felix’s fingerprints on it, unless she turns herself into Rachel. He tells her she has until the morning to do it.

Sarah immediately calls Art for help. Art says he’ll ask around to see whether Rachel and crew are just bluffing or whether they can really implicate Felix. By the time Art gets off the phone, Helena has somehow managed to escape…using a tuna can tab. Seriously. Then she holds Art up with a gun.

At the ranch, Big Love and his wife finally cut the stitches from Gracie’s mouth. Gracie explains that she was trying to protect her family (when she tried to suffocate Helena). Wife #1 tells Gracie that Gracie’s now going to carry the child since she let Helena escape.

At Leekie’s lab, Cosima and Delphine try to steal the stem cell culture. But Leekie interrupts them and tells them a secret: that the original genome was lost in a lab fire. He wants to know what Sarah has found out about Rachel’s parents from the photo. Cosima says she has no information on that. Leekie says he’s willing to disregard Rachel and proceed with the treatment to help Cosima.

In the camper, Kira is drawing photos of Aunt Alison and Aunt Cosima and telling Cal that her mom has new sisters that look just like her. Cal asks her what she means by that, but is interrupted by a knock on the door. It’s a cop who is poking around. Cal gives them a fake ID and the cop seems ready to search the camper until Kira manages to stop them by asking “Are you my Mummy?” yelling “trick or treat” while wearing a gas mask and acting generally adorable/unsuspicious.

Art is now handcuffed to a pillar in his apartment when Sarah finds him. Helena is gone, but she left another paper fortune teller with GPS coordinates on it. Then we see Helena opening up a large industrial-looking door, presumably Maggie Chen’s locker.

Art and Sarah go to the coordinates, which is the locker. Sarah nervously calls for Helena and asks her to not jump out at them with an ax, which is not too paranoid since the storage locker is filled with all sorts of ax murderer artifacts like photos of nuns with their eyes burned out. They can see that Helena once lived there. Art thinks Maggie used the locker as a drop-off point for Helena. They find some photos, including one of an older guy that has “Swan Man” written on the back of it. Sarah connects the dots to Project LEDA and pulls out her own photo of the two scientists. She starts to suspect that the Swan Man photo is the male scientist in recent times and that he’s actually still alive. Art then finds a case for a sniper rifle, with the rifle missing. Plopped out right in front is a headless Business Suit Barbie. Sarah realizes this means that Helena’s going to kill Rachel.

Back at Rachel’s apartment, Cold Bitch Clone is in her lingerie and ready to seduce Paul. Meanwhile, Helena is on a rooftop across the street, and is carefully giving her Barbie head Rachel’s haircut, and putting red lipstick on herself before looking through her rifle’s lens. Snipers gotta look good, yo. (Sorry for that; I’ve recently started watching Breaking Bad and therefore blame Jesse Pinkman.) In the apartment, Rachel has commanded Paul to take off his shirt and pants and started kissing him though, when he tries to take charge, she slaps him.

Art and Sarah are now in the neighborhood. They see Helena’s bike in the middle of the street and figure out which building she’s on. Meanwhile, Sarah tells Paul to get completely naked and sit on the chair. (Can we just stop and recognize that Paul has now slept with three women with the same face? Talk about a type…) Helena’s got them in her sights,when she hears Sarah and Art behind her. “Hello, sestra,” she says without even turning around.

Helena wants Sarah to see Paul having sex with Rachel. Helena says Rachel is a problem and she needs to kill her. But Sarah says she can’t kill her because they have something on Felix. “Brother/sestra?” Helena, doing her best Buster Bluth impression, asks. Helena then says she’ll kill Paul since he’s unfaithful. But Sarah says no, she doesn’t care about Paul but she doesn’t want him dead. She puts herself in front of the gun. She wants Helena to help her find Swan Man. Helena says Sarah’s only going to use her. But Sarah says no and gives a heartfelt speech about Helena being her real sister. Helena finally puts the gun down, with tears in her psychotic eyes. Sarah and Helena walk away from the sniper rifle, arm in arm, just like two totally normal sisters. In fact, I completely expected them to break out into “For the First Time in Forever (Reprise).”

Back at the lab, Leekie gives Cosima a shot in slow-motion, because maybe the episode’s running time was a little bit under. Cosima says the clones have a proposition for Leekie because of what he shared with her about the lab fire. She sends Leekie to a bar where Sarah meets him and tells him that she’s discovered that Ethan Duncan, a.k.a. Swan Man, is still alive. She tells Leekie that if her brother gets off, she’ll go find Ethan. Leekie says he will do what he can and that he’ll also keep Cosima’s treatments going. Which is a surprise to Sarah, since she didn’t know Cosima was sick. Leekie says Sarah has three days. Sarah says if anyone follows her, she’ll send Helena after them.

Speaking of following, lo and behold, Paul has followed Leekie. Leekie warns Paul that what Sarah finds may be dangerous to everyone (duh) and asks Paul to come to him first with any info before he goes to Rachel. Paul leaves the bar, presumably to follow Sarah.

In the car, Sarah asks Helena where they’re going. Helena says Cold River—place of screams.

This Episode’s Clone MVP: Helena wins again because she got out of handcuffs with what is, essentially, a soda tab and all those ever did for me were give me the initial “Q” when I was trying to figure out who my future husband would be in the 4th grade.

 

Best Line Delivered by Felix: I need to break form here and hand this over to the entire getting ready montage. Because Tears for Fears, people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZyGDiUnta4

 

Best Line Delivered by a Character Other than Felix: “Brother/sestra?” –Helena’s nickname for Felix.