On The Couch #45: Braveheart

Back when I was a sophomore in college, I studied in London for a winter session. One of the other students was a balding, ponytailed, porn-mustachioed 40 something who was obsessed with William Wallace. This winter session in London involved many long bus and train rides to historic sites in the countryside. And this guy would spend every minute of that time telling us either how much he loved William Wallace, how great William Wallace was, or that he (porn-moustache, not William Wallace) was 1/16 Scottish. When I asked him, “Who’s William Wallace?” his reaction was something along the lines of “Who’s William Wallace? WHO’S WILLIAM WALLACE?! You saw Braveheart, right?”

No, I hadn’t.

He then went on to tell me in explicit detail why I needed to see Braveheart while I went back to listening to my Beatles CDs. During this winter session, he was able to see a statue of William Wallace he had he heart set on seeing and I was able to get my picture crossing Abbey Road. Win-win.

Other things people have said when they’ve found out I haven’t seen Braveheart: “What? But you’re Irish? How could you miss it?” Even then I realized Braveheart was a movie about Scottish freedom. “It’s the best movie since Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves!” I really needed to stop going to that guy for movie advice.

His other leg has a picture of Kevin Costner as Robin Hood.

But now I’ve seen it. So no more “What do you mean you’ve never seen Braveheart?” Now, at worst it will be “What do you mean you just saw Braveheart for the first time?”

Now that I’ve seen Braveheart can someone please explain to me what kind of title “The Bruce” is? As in Robert the Bruce. He’s the Bruce! Huh?

If Braveheart aided in any way to men in the 90s thinking that the mullet was an acceptable hair choice, that would be enough for me to call for a burning of all copies of the movie.

A mullet and facepaint? Is this 13th century Scotland or a 1995 Islanders game?

The Blu-Ray of Braveheart has a very cool special feature, a comparison of the fictional timeline of the movie vs. the historical timeline. It was very interesting to see where the two converged and diverged; the biggest divergence being the French princess was 10 in real life when William Wallace died, so she didn’t give birth to Wallace’s son, as she said she was going to in the movie. If she did, that’s gross William Wallace, real gross.

I liked Braveheart, but its three hour running time is going to prevent me from watching it again anytime soon. Though if I had to choose between which three hour movie to watch again, I’d pick Braveheart over Scarface.

One thought on “On The Couch #45: Braveheart

  1. Anonymous says:

    Bruce is just his familyname. (a very powerfull family at that time).

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