On The Couch #28: Risky Business

This is one of those “What do you mean you never saw ______?” movies that I’m trying to clear through over the course of this blog. I’m not sure why I never saw Risky Business. I guess I came late to the Tom Cruise party. The first movie I remember watching with Tom Cruise in it was Cocktail. If that last line caused a bulb to light in your head, that’s right, besides never seeing Risky Business, I’ve never seen Top Gun either. But oh man, did I watch Cocktail. I was obsessed with that movie when I was 12. I owned it on VHS and watched it over and over again. I recently watched it again. It’s not very good. I think 12 year old me was a little too hung up on the soundtrack’s one-two punch of Kokomo and Don’t Worry, Be Happy to notice how weak this movie really is.

What’s sadder? How much I was obsessed with this movie when I was 12 or the fact that I probably wouldn’t turn it off if it came on TV right now?

Risky Business is like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off from Cameron’s point of view. Despite being the more handsome of the pair, Tom Cruise’s Joel is definitely the Cameron to Curtis (BOOGER!!!!) Armstrong’s Miles. It’s Miles who calls the first hooker. It’s Miles who tells Joel “Sometimes you just have to say what the fuck.” Meanwhile, it’s Joel who has the dad who’s obsessed over his expensive sports car. And its’ Joel who is a whiny stick in the mud in every scene except for when he’s getting action from Rebecca De Mornay’s Lana.

At least the movie gave us that Bob Seger Old Time Rock N’ Roll dance scene, which for years I didn’t know originated with in this movie.

Sorry, Tom. Heidi Klum does it better.
Was this also the first movie to give us the Tom Cruise patented “Is he cocky or crazy face?” (Please see Exhibit A)
Exhibit A.

If I knew Bronson Pinchot was in this movie, I would have seen it years ago. But for some reason, I find it weird whenever he’s not talking in his Balki voice. I don’t care if he was born in New York City and not Mypos, every time I see him, I expect the Balki voice and it’s always jarring when he’s not speaking in it (which is 99% of his non-Perfect Strangers career).

I cannot think of Bronson Pinchot without his America or Burst sign.

A few years ago, I was stuck trying to figure out a Christmas present for a friend. Enter my brother, who recommended Risky Business on DVD, because every girl loves Risky Business. My friend gave me a weird look when she unwrapped Risky Business, so you might want to think twice before you use it as your go-to Christmas gift.