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At The Theater #41: Little Fockers

IT’S FINALLY HERE! THE EPIC CONCLUSION TO THE FOCKERS SAGA! EEEEE! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Okay, maybe I’m overreacting a little bit. No one is going to line up for a midnight screening of the latest sequel to Meet the Parents.

I loved Meet the Parents, but I have yet to make it all the way through Meet the Fockers. I’ve tried. More than twice. The closest I’ve come so far was making it to just around the halfway mark when it was on TBS recently. Amazingly, never finishing Meet the Fockers had no impact on my ability to understand Little Fockers.

Meet the Fockers had a similar drop in quality from Meet the Parents as Father of the Bride 2 had from Father of the Bride. Thankfully there wasn’t a equal drop in quality with Little Fockers. Little Fockers was about as good as Meet the Fockers. This bodes well for Father of the Bride fans who never gave up faith for a third movie.

The major upsides of Little Fockers are definitely Robert DeNiro and Owen Wilson reprising their roles from Meet the Parents. If they decide to make another Fockers movie and Robert DeNiro doesn’t want to do it, they need to call it a day. Without DeNiro’s ex-CIA Type A father-in-law Jack Byrnes, Little Fockers would fall completely flat on its face.

I really like Owen Wilson in roles like this one, where he plays the super-nice guy who still manages to dick people over. He always means well, and his heart is in the right place, but he never quite seems to get the negative impact he has on people around him. I’m pretty sure he plays the same character in the soon to open How Do You Know. Wait, I’m pretty sure he plays that character all the time. I’m cool with that.

According to a recent unscientific poll, I am the only one of my friends who wants to see How Do You Know.

Is anyone else always surprised by how buff Ben Stiller is? My friend and I were talking about this after Little Fockers. Maybe it’s because he’s usually not in tight fitting clothes, but then WHAM, there’s a scene where he’s wearing a snug t-shirt and you’re sitting in the theater thinking, “Damn! Gaylord Focker is ripped!”

I’m not sure who decided December 2010 would be the month of boner pill movies, but here we are. First there was the Anne Hathaway’s breasts/Viagra vehicle Love and Other Drugs and now there’s Little Fockers, where Greg Focker earns extra money by promoting an off-brand Viagra. Both movies deal with the side effect of the pill working too well, and to their credit, both have different, but still very funny takes on what happens next.

Better title than Pequeño Fockers?

I can’t honestly recommend spending money on seeing Little Fockers. Wait until TBS does a marathon and catch it right after you finally finish watching Meet the Fockers.

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At The Theater #40: Due Date

I tempted fate this week and went back into the belly of the beast, the Regal Court St (formerly the UA Court St, forever the Hellmouth) to see Due Date. No doubt because I followed my rules from last week, I had another successful screening there. There were no loud conversations in my 10-person filled theater and no one was lighting up next to me. I count that as a win. Someone did leave the theater with 10 minutes left in Due Date. I wondered if he was visiting from Philadelphia, where that is the accepted way to see movies. I’m not sure why most people in Philly leave a movie right before the end, but it makes seeing movies in that city particularly frustrating, especially if there’s a big reveal at the end.

Saving money on a hotel by sleeping at the wheel is never a good idea.

I’m surprised that Due Date isn’t getting more love from critics. I thought it was very funny. It’s just critics, either. No one I asked wanted to see this movie, despite it starring two actors who have starred in some of the biggest movies of the past three years. Is the lack of love for Due Date connected to the current backlash against Zach Galifianakis that is going on right now? I’ll admit, when I saw an ad for Due Date while coming out of It’s Kind of a Funny Story, I thought he was becoming a little overexposed. It’s amazing how big he’s blown up after The Hangover and how many people are sick of him now, all in the course of a little over a year. He’s like Hootie and the Blowfish, but funnier.

What I really liked about Due Date is how Robert Downey Jr.’s character kept picking up little trophies from cross country trip home. None of them were trophies we wanted, like an arm cast or a blood stained shirt, but it was cool to watch the physical change he was going though on his hellish return to the west coast.

SPOILER ALERT: I’m going to talk about the ending of Due Date in detail here. If you haven’t seen it yet, go no further.

Waffle House: It’s What’s for Dinner. Blegghhhh!

The one thing I didn’t get at the end of Due Date was why Zach Galifianakis kept saying “Call me tomorrow” the way he did to Robert Downey, Jr. I kept thinking there was going to be some kind of big reveal linked the parentage of Robert Downey, Jr.’s baby or some crazy dangling comedic plot point I forgot about. But no, they jump forward a few months and Robert Downey, Jr. and family are watching Galifianakis’s character’s debut on Two and a Half Men. On a side note, the theme music to Two and Half Men is one of the best theme songs ever recorded. I thought the Two and a Half Men part was funny, but I kept wondering why Zach Galifianakis was so forceful when he said “Call me tomorrow” in the hospital. I guess he just didn’t want to be blown off and really wanted to be friends with Robert Downey, Jr. It was still a weird though.

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At The Theater #39: Love and Other Drugs

“1996” is the first thing you see on the screen at the start of Love and Other Drugs. The first thing you hear is Two Princes by Spin Doctors. I immediately thought to myself, “Why?” Two Princes hit the height of its popularity a couple of years earlier was so overplayed that by 1996 no one could stand it. True story: It wasn’t until 2005 that I was able to listen to Two Princes again without rolling my eyes. But here is Jake Gyllenhaal, dancing away to Two Princes in this small electronics store where he works.

It took awhile for me to figure out why Love and Other Drugs takes place in 1996 instead of 2010. Best Buy has replaced the small electronics store, but it’s basically the same place. Pharmaceutical companies are still pumping out new and improved antidepressants. There’s still no cure for Parkinson’s. Love interests that don’t want relationships still work in coffee shops. Why 1996? It wasn’t until about halfway through Love and Other Drugs that I got my answer, Viagra.

Looking at this ad might make you need Viagra.
Slick marketing, Pfizer.

When Viagra first comes up in Love and Other Drugs, it’s still in development at Pfizer and Jake Gyllenhaal, now a struggling Pfizer sales rep, has a serious hard-on to sell it. I thought it was going to be a one-off joke, similar to his showing off a Star-Tac earlier while he was working at the electronics store. But the second half of the movie largely becomes the Viagra movie. Every character gets caught up in the Viagra tidal wave. Jake Gyllenhaal and girlfriend Anne Hathaway cheer when it’s mentioned on Conan, doctors who previously snubbed Gyllenhaal beg him for hookups, and the little blue pill powers a crazy pharma-sex party that would have probably sent all my college friends into pharmaceuticals if Love and Other Drugs was released in when it takes place. There’s even a great “when Viagra goes wrong” bit that was one of the funniest parts of the movie.

Josh Gad plays Jake Gyllenhaal’s brother in Love and Other Drugs. If Jesse Eisenberg is the poor man’s Michael Cera, Josh Gad is the poor man’s Jack Black. If they make a sequel to Year One and can’t get Cera and Black, I think it would be kind of awesome if they got Gad and Eisenberg. I would definitely go see Year Two if it starred the poor man’s Michael Cera and the poor man’s Jack Black. That might be the only way I’d go see Year Two.

Josh Gad can also be the poor man’s Zach Galifianakis.

Love and Other Drugs has been getting a lot of press for both Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway having partial nude scenes in the movie. When Anne Hathaway’s bare breast first makes an appearance during a visit with Dr. Hank Azaria (not using his Dr. Nick voice), I thought “That wasn’t that big a deal. That was onscreen, what, five seconds?” I spoke (or thought in this case) too soon. Anne Hathaway’s breasts are in this movie more than Hank Azaria or Oliver Platt. Anne Hathaway’s breasts should have received third billing in the credits under Gyllenhaal and Hathaway. I hear they may be nominated for a Supporting Actress award this year.

Okay, put them away already.

Jake Gyllenhaal spends a lot of time disrobed as well in Love and Other Drugs. They are many shots of Gyllenbuutt and when he’s walking around in his underwear, I said out loud “Gyllenbaalls.”

I walked away liking Love and Other Drugs much more than I thought I would. If you’re looking for a good romantic comedy, try this one. It’s not cheesy, it will fulfill any questions you had about Anne Hathaway’s nipples, and you’ll get see the Gyllenbaalls you can take.
 
And if you really like Love and Other Drugs, Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman have a clone of it coming out soon called No Strings Attached. The preview was so much like Love and Other Drugs that I thought Love and Other Drugs repeated a joke during the movie and realized no, a very similar joke was in the No Strings Attached preview.

Love and Other Drugs – Anne Hathaway’s breasts = No Strings Attached.
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At The Theater #38: Megamind 3D

Sometimes when you’re behind on a deadline, you resort to desperate measures. Like you haven’t watched enough movies at the theater this year, so you go catch Megamind 3D, a movie you weren’t that excited about, at the UA Court Street in Downtown Brooklyn, a theater that you have repeatedly called the worst movie theater in New York City.

And sometimes, those desperate measures pay off big time. I loved Megamind 3D. It exceeded my expectations in every way. I think it is one of the funniest movies I’ve seen this year and is definitely the best superhero movie not named Iron Man 2 of the year.

Also, the UA Court St proved to be a great place to see a movie. Yeah, I never thought I’d say that either. I think you just have to follow certain rules if you want to see a movie there, namely:

  1. Avoid the ticket window. There is consistently a long line that stretches sometimes to the Barnes & Noble next door, but there’s never a line at the ticket vending machines indoors. Do that people who frequent this theater not have credit cards? Do they fear technology? Are they wary of an inevitable robot uprising? I have no idea.
  2. Never go to the UA Court St on the opening weekend of the movie you want to see.
  3. Or the opening weekend of any movie for that matter. If your movie has been out for awhile, but a new movie is opening up that same weekend, skip this theater.
  4. You know what, just avoid the place anytime Friday through Sunday.
  5. The earlier you go on a weekday, the better. I saw Megamind 3D at 4:45 on a Wednesday afternoon and there were only 6 of us in the theater, and more importantly, no one was psycho.

You should take these rules as seriously as you would rules about feeding mogwai. Heed them and you can avoid the nightmare situations I’ve experienced at the UA Court St, like the time I sat next to a woman who was giving a play by play of Sea Biscuit’s race on her cell phone.

If you are a comic book fan, you need to to see Megamind 3D. Besides taking the familiar Superman vs. Lex Luthor/Brainiac scenario and turning it on its head, Megamind 3D has plenty of injokes for the comic book enthusiast. The best being Megamind’s disguise as Space Dad when he’s training Tighten. It’s straight up Brando from Superman: The Movie. Megamind even talks in a Godfather voice to drive it home.

Space Dad (and Space Step-Mom).

And how funny is the name Tighten? “It’s the only name I could trademark,” says Megamind. Was it supposed to be Titan and Jonah Hill’s character was just too dumb? Or was it Tighten the whole time?

David Cross is hilarious as Minion. I don’t know which minion was better, David Cross’s alien fish in a robot body Minion from Megamind or the minions from Despicable Me. But without a doubt, 2010 is the year of the minion.

I kind of want this.
And this.

Megamind shares a lot in common with J!m, that main character in Go Mutants!, Larry Doyle’s second novel. Both have over-sized blue craniums. Both were judged and ridiculed for their appearance by their small-minded peers growing up. This led to teen rebellion for J!m and the desire for domination over Metro City for Megamind, which when you think about it is the supervillain equivalent of teenage rebellion.

I love this poster.

I can’t be the only one who thought that Tina Fey’s character, the Lois Lane-alike Roxanne Ritchi, looked a lot like Alexis Bledel, but with short hair. If the animators are going to make Roxanne look like Alexis Bledel, why not just cast Alexis Bledel instead of Tina Fey? It was a little weird to hear Tina Fey’s voice come out of Alexis Bledel’s mouth.

I will not be surprised when it is revealed that the lead animator of Megamind has a crush on Alexis Bledel.

Speaking of celebrities voicing animated characters, I feel like it doesn’t always work. Usually when it doesn’t work for me is when it’s a celebrity with a very distinctive voice, like Tina Fey or Jonah Hill, playing a character that they don’t look like in real life. Because they’re both so famous, I keep expecting to see their faces attached to their voices. But I didn’t have this problem with David Cross and Will Ferrell in Megamind. Thinking about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because their two characters, a talking alien fish and a blue alien with a over-large cranium, were far enough away from being human that I didn’t feel the need for their voices and their faces to match up.

Megamind 3D gets a definite “see it in the theater” rating. If you enjoyed Despicable Me earlier this year, you’ll no doubt like Megamind 3D as well.

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At The Theater #37: 127 Hours

Did you like the self-mutilation in Black Swan, but weren’t really into the lesbian make-out scene? Then Fox Searchlight has the movie for you: 127 Hours!
I’m only kind of joking here. 127 Hours is a very graphic movie. But you have to expect that going into a movie about Aron Ralston, the hiker who had to cut off his own arm to save his own life.

The first 20 minutes of 127 hours show the beauty of nature. It will make you want to visit your nearest national park and take in the natural splendor that our country is full of. How awesome is that underground pool that James Franco brings Kate Mara and Amber Tamblyn to?

The next hour and 15 minutes are all about how nature is something to be feared. Because nature will fuck you from behind the first chance it gets. And it will donkey punch you while it’s doing it. And it won’t call you the next day.

It will be hard to go hiking and not think of this.

I wondered how Danny Boyle was going to keep the audience’s interest up throughout the movie. Aron gets trapped fairly early on and his only companions are a couple of ants and his own hallucinations. But Danny Boyle and James Franco did a great job. I was never bored during 127 Hours. Boyle used the perfect mix of problem solving on Ralston’s part for getting out of his situation and flashbacks to Ralston’s life leading up to this moment. And Franco was wonderful as Ralston, immediately portraying him as both likable and fallible, basically making him human. I think it’s an easy pick for both Boyle and Franco to receive Oscar nominations for 127 Hours.

I was really happy to hear Plastic Bertrand’s Ca Plane Pour Moi during the movie. Everyone needs this French punk song on their iPods.

Download it.

Little things stand out. I thought it was really cool that Danny Boyle used the distinctive whirring sound made by the tape loader in Canon DV video cameras whenever James Franco turned on his video camera. I know that sound all too well from owning one of them. Boyle also used the same on-screen icons from Canon’s camera when we were seeing things from Ralston’s video camera’s point of view.

Aron Ralston is amazing. 127 Hours is a testament to the huge amounts of hope and willpower Aron had to have in order to survive being trapped in the wilderness on his own. Even when his situation was at its bleakest, he never gave up. The guy is the epitome of willpower. Forget Hal Jordan. Aron Ralston should be the Green Lantern of Earth.

Geek to English translation: Green Lantern’s power ring is powered by his own willpower.

The most shocking part of the movie isn’t when James Franco does what you knew all along was coming, namely getting to the business of removing his own arm, it’s at the very end, when it’s shown that the real Aron Ralston is still at it doing hard hikes in the wilderness after all that he went through. He’s even fitted his stump arm with an awesome looking claw tool for digging in ice. I broke my wrist a couple of years ago snowboarding and never put on snowboarding boots again. Maybe I should rethink that.

Bad-Ass.

I believe there are five lessons to take away from 127 Hours: 1. Hike with a buddy. 2. Return phone calls, especially from your mom. 3. Spend an extra five minutes looking for your Swiss Army Knife. 4. Never give up. 5. When you fall down, not matter how hard, get back up and live life on your own terms.

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With One Month Left, I Realize Just How Far Behind I Am…

It’s December 1. Right now I should have watched 47 movies at the theater and 47 movies on the couch. How am I doing? 44 on the couch. Not bad, just a little behind there. And 36 at the theater. Uh-oh. That’s 11 less than where I should be.

What happened? How did I get so far behind at the theater? I partially blame it on this year’s batch of movies. Watching 52 movies in the theater two years ago was rough at times, but I remember there being many more enticing movies than this year.

I fell behind early this year and never caught up. The summer exasperated this. What happened to the summer movie season this year? It was awful. Despite it being insanely hot out this summer, I seldom went to the movie theater to seek air conditioned solace. And then there were the movies that I thought for sure I’d be seeing in the theater, the being-a-good-boyfriend movies like Sex and the City 2 and the latest Twilight that I managed to somehow avoid. It’s too bad. Those would have knocked two more off the list, and I had a really good idea for a post for Sex and the City 2.

But I deserve far more blame that Hollywood. Clearly I suffer from poor planning. I should have used a less stressful month like September to catch up. But now it’s crunch time, right as the holiday season has begun, full of all of which it entails: shopping for presents, parties, watching A Charlie Brown Christmas for the 30th time. These things can really cut into movie-watching time.

Now before I get too down about falling behind, I want to let it be known that I will be finishing what I started. 52 movies will be watched at the theater and another 52 will be watched on the couch by December 31.

Including today, there are 31 days left full of movie watching potential. 16 more at the theater and 8 more on the couch. 24 in total. The planned couch movies are pretty much all taken, but I could use some help with suggestions on what to catch at the theater. I went through the listings today, and including movies that haven’t been released yet this year, I’m having a hard time coming up with 16 titles to look forward to seeing. Have you seen a good movie at the theater recently that I haven’t covered on the blog already? Recommend it and there’s a good chance I’ll catch it.

Expect plenty of updates this month, 24 more to be exact.

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On The Couch #44: Scarface

I’m not sure why I never saw Scarface before now. I’ve seen a lot of rap videos. I like rap. I have friends who like rap. How is it that I’ve managed to avoid this movie for so long, a movie which seems to be rapped about more than any other?

…with the possible exception of The Little Mermaid.

When I told a friend this morning that I just watched Scarface for the first time, he looked at me incredulously and said “You just watched it for the first time? That movie is awesome! It’s one of my favorites!” He then slipped into a faux-Cuban accent and said “My name is…Don Corleone. Let me introduce you to my papi.” “Wow,” I replied, “It’s one of your favorite movies and you managed to butcher both of those lines. Impressive.”

It’s interesting that when Scarface was first released, these characters in it were a break from the gangster movie cliché, but have now become the current gangster movie cliché.

Scarface is definitely firmly rooted in the 1980s. The fashion. The hairstyles. The neon lights. The non-stop coke binges. Some of those things should never leave the 80s. Specifically Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio’s hair.

How much coke do you have to snort before this perm looks good? The world may never know…

Tony Montana is a complete dick in the movie. Why does every fan of Scarface idolize Tony? They should idolize Manny. Manny was awesome. He was a fun loving, hard working ladies man. So of course Tony had to kill him. Why? Because Tony’s a dick and that’s what dicks do: murder their awesome best friends. The worst thing Manny did in the movie wasn’t dating Gina behind Tony’s back; it was hitching his boat to Tony’s sail in the first place.

Which brings me to Tony’s weird relationship with his sister Gina. When Gina first appears in Scarface, I had no idea she was Tony’s sister. Tony was talking to her like she was the girl who got away. When it was revealed they were brother and sister, I was skeeved as much as Han Solo must have been when he found out Luke and Leia were brother and sister. “Wait, so you two are related? Then why do you look at each other that way?” It was obvious from Gina’s first scene that Tony wanted to have sex with her.

Kiss her, you fool! Wait, she’s your sister?!

But it took a long time and Tony’s murder of her newlywed husband for Gina to realize that. Despite Gina shooting him in the leg, I’m pretty sure that Tony would have had sex with Gina when she burst into his office yelling “Fuck me!” Unfortunately for Tony, that Bolivian hit man had to mess up his game by bursting in after her and shooting her dead. The most surprising part of that scene is that Tony didn’t have sex with Gina’s bloody corpse.

I get why this movie is a cult favorite, but I wouldn’t call this the greatest gangster movie of all time. That title goes to Goodfellas in my book, but I can understand if you were to choose The Godfather instead. It’s funny that both The Godfather and Scarface both have three hour running times, but it’s only Scarface where I really noticed I was watching a three hour movie.

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At The Theater #36: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

When I first heard that the seventh Harry Potter book was going to split into two movies, I thought it was just a greedy move designed to milk as much money from fans as they could at the end of this series. Now that I’ve seen Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, I take that back. I think it’s great that the decision was made to divide the final book into two movies. While watching it, nothing felt overly padded. And unlike some of the other movies, nothing felt rushed or obviously left out from the book.

During the movie, I kept wondering where in the book the movie would end. I haven’t read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows since the book was first released. All I remembered about it was the flight of the many Harrys at the beginning, the camping that seemed to go on forever and the fight at the end.

Harry Potter and the Secret of Victoria

My favorite part of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 was the lead-up to the flight of too many Harrys. Seeing Daniel Radcliffe as Fluer as Harry in a bra saying “Look away! I’m hideous!” made me howl. 

My second favorite part of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 was Hermione’s red dress.

A friend pointed out that in the book, Harry and Hermione disguised themselves with polyjuice potion when scoping out Godric’s Hollow. I’m glad this was dropped in the movie. Harry and friends had already used polyjuice potion twice before this in the movie and using it again would have felt like they were going to the polyjuice well one too many times.

One thing I discovered before the film even began is that if I walk around in novelty Harry Potter glasses, there is 100% chance that I will speak in a British accent. It’s an insanely accurate accent. You should hear it sometime. You will think I am British.

“Accio booger!”
Severus, wands aren’t for picking noses.

A group of friends joined me for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. We caught the 10:30 Saturday night screening on opening weekend at The Ziegfeld. Figuring that it was Saturday night, opening weekend of the hugest movie of the year, there were five of us who wanted to sit together, and it was The Ziegfeld, we weren’t taking any chances. We showed up at 9 PM to line up for seats. Also, I bought the tickets three days in advance to avoid the inevitable sell out.

We were the first ones at the theater. Is there a line inside? No? We’re it? Huh. A mother showed up wiht her two kids a few minutes after us and bought tickets. So it’s not sold out? Huh. She considered lining up behind us, asked the ticket seller a question, and walked back to the street, laughing “There’s 1100 seats in there.” Well, at least we were guaranteed seats.

Looking around the theater right before the movie started, it looked like there were maybe 60 people in the whole place. People of NYC: The Ziegfeld is the nicest theater in NYC! Where did you see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on Saturday? Apparently it wasn’t there. What kept people away? The lack of stadium seating? Not having Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in 3D? A deathly allergy to awesome movie theaters? Whatever it was, I was shocked at how empty The Ziegfeld was. Of course, someone sat down right in front of us. But they were nice enough to move over when we asked politely.

Before the movie started, I had what might be the oddest thing to happen to me in a movie theater this year. No, let’s change that from this year to ever. Yes, the oddest thing to happen to me in a movie theater ever. I went to the men’s room. No, that’s not the odd part. After finishing up, I turned to the sink. No, that’s not the odd part either; I wash up every time. Blocking my access to the sink was a Ziegfeld employee who was standing at the sink changing his pants. That’s the odd part. He was just standing there in his boxer briefs changing out of one pair of pants and into the other.

The strangest part about this scene was how meticulous and slow he was in neatly folding the pants he just took off before putting the other pants on. Isn’t there a storage closet that could have doubled as changing room? Or maybe one of the toilet stalls? Not right in the middle of the men’s room, blocking the sinks. Right? It’s okay though. I figured it out after the movie ended what was going on. He was clearly one of Harry’s friends from the beginning of the movie and had to make a quick change now that his polyjuice potion was wearing off. Obviously.

Theory: Voldemort would be a tiny bit nicer if he had a nose.
I was happy to see two things addressed in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 that were omitted from the movie version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. The first was Voldemort talking about how his wand and Harry’s share the same core, which is an integral story point for the finale of the franchise. The second was Bill Weasley introducing himself to Harry. Bill had small, but pivotal roles in the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, so it was nice to see him finally acknowledged in the films.

I’ve never done the “see the previous movie on opening night right before the new movie starts” thing, but I would be very tempted to do this for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. A 10:30 PM screening of Part 1 followed by a midnight screening of Part 2? Something to think about…

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At The Theater # 35: Black Swan

Watching the trailer for Black Swan, I couldn’t help but think that this movie was just going to be a by-the-numbers new version of Fight Club, where the twist is that Mila Kunis is the imaginary Tyler Durden to Natalie Portman’s Ed Norton. I was very happy that this turned out to not be the case, which helped make The Black Swan a very good psychological thriller.
Black Swan deals with the theme of “messing up when you’re 95% to a goal” very well. Shortly after the start of the film, Natalie Portman’s character Nina is given the opportunity to get exactly what she’s worked for her whole life, to play the Swan Queen in Swan Lake. The closer she gets to that goal though, the harder her life becomes, often by her own hand (both figuratively and literally).

There are scenes in Black Swan that make this movie very hard to watch. I didn’t realize how much a mother clipping her daughter’s fingernails could make me recoil until I watched this movie. And any time Natalie Portman would start peeling away her own skin, I could feel my face involuntarily cringe.

Natalie Portman’s eyes are so red, I almost expect her to shoot beams out of them like Cyclops from X-Men.

If you ever had a crush on both Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman, you are really going to want to see this movie. You’ll probably even score some points with your girlfriend for taking her to a movie about the ballet. Don’t worry, I won’t tell her your real reason for wanting to see this.

You’ll probably enjoy this scene as well.

I had an easier time separating fantasy from reality in Inception than I did in Black Swan. Director Darren Aronofsky did a great job with the Black Swan in showing things from Nina’s point of view, and making it hard to figure out what was real, what was fantasy and what was a mix of the two.
When your mirror does this, it’s time for a new mirror.

Vincent Cassel plays Thomas Leroy, the ballet director. It was hard to accept him as this object of desire for the characters in Black Swan. The reason? Whenever they showed him in close-up, his eyes were bugged out, making him kind of resemble Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. I kept wanting Cassel to say “Gollum…gollum” (with a smoldering French accent of course).

Actual still of Vincent Cassell in Black Swan.

Should you see Black Swan? Use this formula to figure it out: (Interest in young starlets making out with each other + Interest in psychological thrillers) – Desire to avoid seeing self-mutilation = how much you’d enjoy Black Swan.

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On The Couch #43: Batman: Under The Red Hood

Despite Netflix offering Batman: Under The Red Hood through instant streaming, I opted to rent the Blu-Ray from them instead. My reason for doing this was that with every previous DC direct-to-video release, I enjoyed the special features much more than the movie. Thankfully, that didn’t end up being the case with Batman: Under The Hood.

Out of all of the DC direct-to-video animated movies, Batman: Under the Red Hood is the best. The story is very faithful to its source material, probably because original writer Judd Winnick is the screenwriter here. And the source material is good. Batman: Under The Red Hood revolves around the resurrection of the second Robin, Jason Todd, who wants to get back at his killer, The Joker, and his former mentor who allowed his killer to live, Batman.

Neil Patrick Harris voices NIghtwing, the original Robin all grown up.

I still remember vividly when DC Comics killed Jason Todd. It made national news. Not only did DC kill Batman’s partner, but the fans were responsible for it. DC set up a 900 number and let the fans vote if Robin would survive the story A Death in the Family. It was 50 cents to call, which prevented 11-year-old me from getting my parents permission to call in and vote. To this day, I’m not sure how I would have voted if I was given permission. Like many Batman readers at the time, I wasn’t a big fan of Jason Todd as Robin. I thought it was cool that he was discovered by Batman while stealing the wheels off the Batmobile, but he became annoying very quickly with his whininess and temper tantrums. Still, I don’t know if I would have voted for him to die. At the same time, I don’t know if I would have voted for him to live. Maybe it’s a good thing that my parents withheld taking my $0.50 make that call. No 11-year-old needs that kind of responsibility hanging over his head.

“You can prevent it with a telephone call.” …or not.

The one-two punch of A Death in the Family and the Tim Burton Batman movie turned me into a huge Batman fan. I think I had a different Batman t-shirt for every day of the week back then, my favorite being one of The Joker, surrounded by laughter, holding up a gun and a joker card. I was obsessed. I still have a giant Batman movie poster from the NYC subway hanging up in my old room at my parents’ house.

While I didn’t like him as Robin, I really like Jason Todd as The Red Hood, I especially liked when he confronted Batman and asked him what seems like the most obvious question in the world, how can Batman let The Joker live? The Joker has murdered thousands and despite Batman’s best efforts, he continually breaks out of Arkham to murder more. To Judd Winnick’s credit as a writer, he pens the perfect answer to come out of Batman’s mouth for that question.

The special features on the Blu-Ray did not disappoint. There’s a cool Jonah Hex short, with Thomas Jayne voicing Jonah Hex. And there are two documentary featurettes on the first two Robins, Dick Grayson and Jason Todd.

If you’re a fan of Batman, you should definitely check out Batman: Under The Red Hood.