Hi everyone and welcome to my latest recap of Game of Thrones. These recaps do have spoilers for the episode and what has come so far on the TV show, so if you’re not caught up, and don’t want things ruined, please stop reading and come back when you’re good to go. Also, I’ve only read the first three books, which caught me up to the end of season four of the show. I have not read ahead of the show. While I definitely welcome comments, I merely ask that you not spoil things that have yet to happen on the show. I have a hard time with names, so I tend to give characters nicknames. Please forgive me for that. On that note, let’s get underway…

Grey Worm is alive?!? Yes! I’m not going to lie, I thought he and Barry were dead at the end of the last episode. I am psyched that Grey Worm survived. Sadly, Ser Barry did not. While Grey Worm’s girlfriend tends to him, Dany is holding vigil over Ser Barry’s corpse. That dude who wanted the fighting pits reopened visits. Dany is ready to kill. She calls for the leaders of all of Mereen’s great families to be taken into custody. Fighting Pit Guy immediately realizes, “Hey, that’s me!” Once they’re all assembled, she leads them into a catacomb. Careful ye heads of Mereen’s great families, there be dragons here. Dany feeds one of the heads of the great families to her two dragons. She acts like Fighting Pit Guy is next, but when he responds bravely with “Valar Morghulis,” she changes her mind. She lets all the men live one more day. Why did she do this? Did she realize that her intimidation tactics weren’t working yet?

Up at Castle Black, Sam and Maester Aemon are meeting. Jon walks in and asks Aemon for advice on what to do next. Aemon recommends that Jon “Kill the boy, John Snow…and let the man be born. ” Ah, got it, so that’s where the episode’s title comes from. And here I thought someone was going to take a hit out on Tomlin.

Jon then meets with that Redbeard guy, Mance’s second-in-command. Jon wants Redbeard to head north of the Wall, grab any free folk still up there and bring them south of the Wall. Redbeard wants Jon to go north with him. He says that no one up there will believe that the Crows will let them live south of the Wall unless they hear it from his lips.

Later, at the Night’s Watch meeting, no one but Sam seems to like Jon’s plan. Stannis watches from the back, and says, “Fear.” to Davos. Davos asks, “What?” to be which Stannis replies,  “Nothing.” I feel like Jon is earning Stannis’s respect yet again in this scene. The Night’s Watch brothers want to let the Wildlings die. Jon breaks it down for them as simply as he can when he says, “We can learn to live with the Wildlings or we can add them to the army of the dead.” And don’t forget, here “the army of the dead” isn’t a metaphor. It’s an actual army.

Jon is in his office, when Ollie, the boy who I will never forgive for killing Ygritte enters. Ollie wants to think Jon is tricking the Wildliings. Ollie points out that the Wildlings killed his whole village. Jon doesn’t yell back, “Yeah? Well you killed the only woman I ever loved!” Instead, he responds with,  “I know what it’s like to lose the people you love” and throws in some “Winter is coming” for good measure. Man, how many times can they say “Winter is coming” this episode.

Pod and Brienne are still on the outskirts of Winterfell. Man, Brienne needs a bath. I’ve seen homeless people in the NYC subway cleaner than her. A porter brings in some stuff. Brienne wants him to bring a message back to Sansa Stark.

Ramsey Bolton is chilin’ in bed. He’s got a naked girl in the room with him. Here name is Miranda. Miranda is jealous. She thought she was going to marry Ramsey, and now she’s been demoted to side piece. Ramsey uses that “neg” style made famous by that guy with the furry top hat. He professes his not quite love for Miranda while insulting her. Seriously, Ramsey is such a dick. I can’t wait for Reek to knife him. Or Sansa. Or anyone. Miranda bites him when she kisses him. She draws blood. He’s into it. That look in Miranda’s eyes…I wonder if is she going to be the one to kill him.

Sansa is in her room when an old lady servant enters. The old woman tells her, “You still have friends in the north. If you’re ever in trouble, light a candle in the highest window of the broken tower. You’re not alone.”

Sansa immediately walks to the Broken Tower. You might remember this as Cersei and Jamie’s Winterfell love nest. Or where Jamie pushed Bran out a window. Remember Bran? But I digress…Miranda follows Sansa. Miranda is acting all nice in that “I’m being nice, but I’m really being bitchy” way that some girls act to other girls. Miranda wants to show Sansa something to help her remember her mother. She takes Sansa to the kennel and tells her to walk all the way down. Are we going to see the return of  the missing dire wolf? These dogs are vicious. They bark and jump. In the cell at the end is Reek/Theon. He’s the most well behaved one in the cells. Sansa is shocked to see him curled up in the kennels. He tells her she shouldn’t be there and backs away. Shouldn’t be where? In the kennels? In Winterfell?

Sometime later, Ramsey summons Reek. Ramsey tells him, “You mustn’t keep secrets form me, Reek.” How did he know about Sansa already? Ramsey then says, “Get on your knees.” Ruh-roh. I don’t like where this is going. Oh wait, he follows that up with, “Give me your hand.” Wait, what? Ramsey clasps Reek’s hand and forgives him. This Ramsey guy is so Looney Tunes.

Samsa is having dinner with the Boltons. You might be saying to yourself, “Who is that fat woman next to Roose? Is is Ramsey’s mother?” No, that is Roose’s wife, Walda Frey, daughter of Walder Frey, that old guy who controlled the river pass at the Twins and set up the Starks’ fall at the Red Wedding. For his part in the Red Wedding, Roose was rewarded with any of Walder’s daughters as a bride. Walder would give him a dowry based on the weight of the daughter he picked, so Roose picked the heaviest one he could find.  Ramsey calls out Reek to bring more wine. He’s clearly trying to unnerve Sansa. Ramsey tries to spin in that he punished Theon for invading Winterfell. Sansa sees right through it. I have to say, I like the new Dark Sansa so much better than Sansa from season one. Ramsey has Theon/Reek apologize to Sansa “for killing your brothers.” Ramsey then orders that Reek give away Sansa at the wedding, since Reek is the closest thing to family she has left. This guy is like Joffrey 2.0.

Roose and Walda then announce that Walda is preggers. It’s going to be a boy. Ramsey isn’t happy. Later, Ramsey and Roose talk about this. Ramsey is realizing that his inheritance is quickly falling out from under him. But then Roose tells Ramsey the story of Ramsey’s mom. He continues to acknowledge Ramsey as his son. Now that that’s out of the way, they deide to talk war.They’re going to war with Stannis. But Roose’s announcement about Walda’s pregnancy seemed to be 100% aimed at getting Ramsey to simmer down. And it worked.

Sam is studying in the library. Gilly asks him if all the books in the world are here. As, Sam is explaining that there are libraries bigger than this one, Stannis walks in. He knows who Sam is, his family, his father. Sam’s dad is the only one to ever beat Robert in battle. Stannis wants to know how Sam killed a white walker. Like everyone else, he notes that Sam is no warrior. Sam explains how he killed the walker with Dragon Glass, which is just a fancy name for obsidian. He’s been searching for any reference to it in the books in the library. Stannis agrees and tells him, “Keep reading,  Samwell Tarley.”

Stannis tells Davos, “It’s time.” Davos wants to wait for Jon to return, but Stannis says there isn’t time. They need to strike at Winterfell now.

Jon is back! Oh wait, he hastn’t left yet. Stannis marches south.

Grey Worm is still in bed. He awakes from his coma! Yay! He’s been out for 3 days. He’s upset at himself that Barry and his fellow Unsullied are dead. He blames himself. He’s ashamed that he was afraid when he fell to the grounds that he’d never see Missandei again. She gets in his bed and kisses him. Well played, Grey Worm. You get yours.

Later, Missandei is with Dany. She gives Dany some advice, basically saying to trust yourself. Barry wanted mercy. Daario wants to kill all the masters. Dany meets with the Fighting Pit Guy, who is still in chains in a dungeon. She tells him, “I came here to tell you I was wrong and you were right about tradition. About bringing the people of this city together. I will reopen the fighting pits.” She also tells him that the two of them are going to marry. This guy must be high-fiving himself. He thought he was going to die two minutes ago and now he’s marryng Dany! Luckiest man in Mereen!

Friend Zone and Tyrion are still navigating on their boat. Well, Friend Zone is navigating. Tyrion is tied up. Tyrion has some serious rope burns on his wrists and a welt on his head. Jorah couldn’t care less. Tyrion gets the best line in the episode, with “Long sullen silences and the occasional punch in the face. The Mormont way.” Tyrion then immediately apologizes. They travel through Valyria, which is burnt out. They trade-off on reciting a poem about Valyria. One line that stood out was, “The doom consumed them all alike and neither of them turned.” By turned, do they mean turned to members of the undead army? Fire kills the undead in the Game of Thrones world. Are they dragons the key to the White Walkers defeat? Besides breathing fire, I’m guessing they can also produce Dragon Glass with their hot breath. Drogon flies overhead. Tyrion is stunned speachless, which is no easy feat.

After Drogon flies off, “stone men” jump on the boat. They’re afflicted with the same thing as Stannis’s daughter, but it coves their whole bodies and seems to have taken their minds. “Don’t let them touch you!” Jorah yells. The stone men are ravenous. They’re like fast zombies. Tyrion jumps overboard, but is still bound. He’s dragged under by a stone man.

 

Tyrion opens his eyes on the shore. Friend Zone somehow saved him! They ask if each other was touched, but don’t think they were. This is where people with grey stone are sent, the place last episode where Stannis said his aides wanted to send his daughter. Tyrion has the second best line of the episode when he tells Jorah, “Thank you for saving me. Of course, I wouldn’t have needed saving if you didn’t kidnap me in the first place.” They don’t have a boat. They’re walking. Friend Zone can see they city that’s their ultimate goal. He’s happy. Wait a second…Uh oh, he’s got the gray scale! This dude can’t catch a break…